When my sons were in primary school, there was an anti-drug message aimed specifically at kids to say no to drugs. It was on T shirts, on TV, on billboards. The message was everywhere. And although that message didn't save everyone, it did save a lot of kids from a life defined by crime and the horrors of drug use.
At work yesterday I talked to a young man who I see every so often when he needs help with a bit of food. When he came in yesterday he was nervous and looked sick. After a few questions, he told me he'd been with "friends" on the weekend and had "shot up speed". For those of you not used to the terminology, he'd been injected with amphetamines. He'd since been to the doctor, was on antibiotics for an infected arm that he couldn't bend and would need a lot more treatment to get back to normal. I asked him why he did such a stupid thing and he told me it that he was with friends and didn't want to say no when they suggested it. But in the cold light of Monday morning, saying no seemed like a much better option to him, he just wished he'd been strong enough to say it when he needed to.
I told him he has to learn how to say no, and if he can't learn it, he has to say no to going out with these people. Luckily, the entire episode scared him a lot. I'm not sure he's scared enough to stay away from these people but after our talk about saying no, he certainly knows now that it's ok to say no, and often it's important for our own safety and health that we do say it.
It was really busy at the Centre yesterday. When I thought it was about 11am, I looked at the clock and it was 1.20pm. I decided to say no to taking a call and yes to a cup of tea. I try to pack a lot into those two days. I work as the co-ordinator, so I have that work to do but I also have a lot of people who come in to talk to me or ring up, so that adds to the work load. Yesterday my day was longer than normal as there was a two hour committee meeting at the end of the day. At that meeting, I agreed to take on a couple of extra things that I can do on the two days I work. I was also asked to be on a panel of three who will administer a community fund for local children. This I said no to. It would require that I work outside my two days and I'm not prepare to do that. I also said no to another request for my time, but gave them a solution so it was not a problem.
One of the skills you must learn when living simply, and even when you're not, is to say NO. If you say yes to everything you lessen the time you have to live the way you want to live. Simplifying isn't just cutting down on the clutter in your cupboards, it's also cutting the clutter in your day to day life. Saying no to some requests for your time and energy helps you to cut this clutter.
You have to make judgements about what you give yourself to and stick to your decision, even when you're pressured. Just like the young man earlier in the day, saying no is sometimes the intelligent and sensible thing to do. You do need to think about it beforehand though. Think carefully about the amount of time you have available and make conscious judgements about what you're comfortable doing and what will make your life more difficult. If you've thought about it beforehand, saying no when the question arises - no matter what the question is or who it comes from - makes the no word come out more easily. If you're prepared to say no, and not try to please everyone with yes, then it makes it easier.
It's impossible to please everyone and your first responsibility is to yourself and your family. You have to have enough energy and time for the things you've decided are important to you. So think about how to say no, think about what you've got time for, what is good for you and your family, and say no to the rest of it. And if you can do this, if you can say no in a polite but definite way, it will allow you to say YES to all those things that are significant and valuable.
31 July 2007
Learning how to say NO
30 July 2007
Growing older
I've been thinking a lot about growing old lately. It's something that's never really bothered me before, but seeing H so sick and frail this past week focused my mind of some unthinkable thoughts.
Yesterday, as H was working slowly through his day, he kept coming inside to rest. He sat in a lounge chair and almost immediately, was asleep. He did that four times. I told him not to overdo it but he insisted he was ok and felt better doing something.
It made me think of how we both used to work hard when we were a bit younger and it never affected us. H used to be really strong and took pride in being able to work on most projects alone, but was always ready to help others along side him not as strong. We've both lost a lot of our strength in recent years and when I saw H so sick, I realised it's not just physical strength that's been lost.
It's a strange thing growing older when you get past about 55. Until then I still felt I was as strong and capable as I had ever been, and then in a really short time, I felt much weaker. H has also become weaker in the past few years. He has tried to keep going as he always did but he's given up trying now and asks for my help fairly frequently.
It is good that we're still happily married as I think it would be quite different, and maybe difficult, if we were alone. It seems we compliment each other now better than we ever have. What I can't do, H does, and what he can't do, I can. I hope it continues on like that because it feels very comfortable. Old shoes fit the best.
But I also know that our future will hold sad goodbyes to many friends, both human and animal, and that scares me a little. We've already been to the funeral of one friend this year and it was sad and very confronting. Who knows who the next funeral will be for. The Australian statistics tell us that if you're a man and you've reached the age of 60, you have, on average, another 22 years to live. An Australian woman, having reached 60, is likely to live another 25 years. So if the statistics prove to be accurate in our case, we still have a long way to go.
Having someone you love so sick makes you think though. Listening to breathing in the still of the night makes your mind wander to the unthinkable. I was glad to be up and showered this morning and glad that it's a new week with so many new possibilities.
29 July 2007
Back to normal
Before he left I had a load of washing on, when he left I did another with his bed linen and towels. I had him warmly cocooned in a heavy blue flannelette and a doona (duvet) and quilt that he loves in Winter. I put out a couple of wheat bags for him and some extra throw rugs to keep him warm while he watched TV at night. I know my kids think I sooky them up when they stay here buy I love doing it and it teaches them, by example, how to nurture others. I hope that when they have their own babies, they'll pass on this heritage of cosiness and support that is but one of the ways parents express their love for their children.
Location, location, location
This is our home.
This is part of our front garden.
This is where I've done a lot of my thinking about the way I live and it's where we sit to enjoy our morning tea.
28 July 2007
Organising your money
This is the leftover cash from last month to put into the change jar,
along with a new allocation of cash for this month.
We also withdraw $655 in cash and that is the money we live off for the month. That covers food, petrol, garden, dogs, cat and chook food and flea and tick meds, medical and chemist, postage and house maintenance. We also give each other $40 a month pocket money. Yep, ten dollars a week to be spent on whatever our hearts desire.
My change jar is an old Carl Larsen tin that hold all our spare coins and notes. If I have any coins in my purse after shopping, they go in; we sell our eggs, that goes in; money left over from our month's budget, that goes in. I now have $255.40 in my change jar. We haven't given up anything to save that money, it's just leftover cash, that we SAVED. It's easy enough to go out and spend it, but the trick is to not spend and SAVE instead. That $255.40 might not seem like much in the overall scheme of things, but when it's collected from a very tight budget, it's not just a big saving, it's a confirmation that it is possible to live well and be happy while spending very little.
The coins from the change jar - the notes are out of shot.
I have two purses, one for my money, one for household money.
I have to say too, that organising your money like this takes the thought of it away from your everyday life. You don't have to think about money because you know it's all taken care of and waiting in your bags to pay bills and to live on. You stop worrying about money, you don't think about it all the time and it seems to just take care of itself.
If you're having trouble trying to manage your money, try the ziplock bags to see if they help. Just divide the cash you have to live on and put it in your bags. Be responsible with it - this is about personal responsibility and change - and after a couple of months you'll probably have settled into a new way of living with your cash. Good luck.
27 July 2007
Chocolate birthday cake
Thank you all for for visiting today, and other days, and thanks as well for all your generous comments. I do appreciate them and love having contact with everyone who reads here.
As per Lisa's request, here is the recipe for the cake.
Chocolate Celebration Cake
2½ cups plain flour (all purpose)
pinch salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda (bicarb)
¾ cup unsweetened cocoa
1½ cups sugar
1 cup olive oil
1 cup hot coffee
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
½ cup milk
Sift together all dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. Add oil, coffee and milk, mix at medium speed for 2 minutes. Add eggs and vanilla, beat for anther 2 minutes. The batter will be thin. Pour into a greased cake tin and bake at 175C (320F) for about 40 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean.
Cherry Filling
Empty a jar of sour cherries into a saucepan and add a tablespoon of cornflour. Heat up while stirring, until the juice is clear and thick. Allow to cool.
Chocolate Ganache
Equal amounts of dark chocolate with cream. Break the chocolate up and heat in the microwave, on medium, for 3 minutes. Then stir the chocolate through the hot cream until it's all combined. Cool, then place in the fridge for about 15 minutes until it's starting to set but is still pliable.
Looking after your stockpile
And a not so frugal dinner
Here we all are out having dinner last night at the local German restaurant. The boys both ate four courses and it was very interesting listening to their expert discussion about what they were eating and the wording of the menu. Being chefs I guess they never really leave work behind as they have food in their lives every day.
26 July 2007
A frugal lunch
I was the only one there who didn't use the prescribed budgeting course, I wrote my own, but the other presenters really liked the frugal emphasis I gave my course and I've been asked to email it around to the others so they can use bits and pieces of it, or the full course if they so desire. The original course focused on budgeting and money, whereas I talked about that and showed them how to make a budget, then gave them strategies that would help them save. Those strategies are changing attitudes towards money, tracking spending, tips for saving electricity, water and petrol, maximising the potential of the money they had with careful grocery shopping and stockpiling, cooking from scratch and growing vegies etc. I also include a section on homemade recipes for laundry detergent, soap, bread etc.
I told the ladies about aussieslivingsimply and invited them to join up. All in all it was a lovely way to spend a couple of hours. We were sitting outside in the garden at the Mad Hatters Tea Rooms, about 3 minutes from my home.
The lunch menu was cream of mushroom soup, sandwiches, tea and scones with jam and cream. I was just about to eat these sandwiches when one of the ladies mentioned how delicious the chicken was! I passed on these sandwiches and got a couple of salad ones instead.
How to make cold process soap
- Stainless steel saucepan
- Wooden or plastic spoon
- Scales - most soap ingredients are measured by weight, not volume
- Jug - for holding oils
- Measuring jug - for measuring water. It's ok to measure the water by volume
- Thermometer - you can use either a milk or candy thermometer
- Stick blender (optional)
- Newspaper to cover your work area
DON'T use any aluminium pots or spoons. You may use stainless steel or cast iron and your spoon may be of steel, wood or plastic.
RECIPE The recipe may change every time you make soap but the method of making it remains the same. This is the recipe I use now:
- 450 mls rain water, spring water or distilled water
- 172 grams caustic soda/lye
- 1000 grams olive oil
- 250 grams copha or coconut oil
Measure and weigh all your ingredients.
Weigh all your oils and place them in a saucepan.
Measure out the water and leave it in your measuring jug.
Measure out the lye into a small bowl.

Now you need to have the oil at 50C and the lye at 50C (122F). When they're the same temperature, carefully pour the lye water into the oils and avoid splashing it.
Start mixing. You can either use a spoon and stir for about 20 minutes or use a stick blender and mix for about 5 - 10 minutes, making sure your blender doesn't overheat. I use an old Mixmaster (KitchenAid) as it has a very low setting that doesn't splatter. It gently stirs and reaches trace within 5 or 6 minutes. Don't use a hand beater and it splashes too much and the soap is still caustic at this stage.
Once the soap is in the mould, cover it with a towel so it cools down slowly.
I add nothing to my soaps, but I do stamp them with a plain old rubber stamp. And I don't fiddle with the shape, I just cut them into blocks with a sharp knife. I like my soap to look handmade, but many soap makers fashion their soaps to look very professional and store bought. You do what you want to do.
25 July 2007
Family time
When he comes home he says it's like booking into a resort. He can sleep late, he has his meals made for him and he goes out to visit his friends. I'll get him to check out my iPod while he's here. He and I have the same type - a nano, and I can't work out how to direct my podcasts to the podcast directory. It's good to have a techno-savvy boy around again.
Later today I'll go to the organic butcher and buy a leg of lamb. Kerry loves a roast dinner so I'll make him his favourite as well as a mocha chocolate birthday cake. When I'm out I'll drive by the fabric store and pick up my curtain material. I'm going for a dark red and white cotton gingham, which should go well with the yellow.
H has just gone to buy some panadol for his sore head. I told him to take it easy when he comes home. No work today for him. I'll set him up on the front verandah, where it is warmish and sunny, and he can read and drink hot tea all morning.
I'm hoping to get some time for soap making this afternoon and if I do, I'll have the photos and tutorial online tomorrow. I'm making this soap for gifts and to give to my boys. They love using my soap. Kerry, who has a tendency to slight eczema, says it's the only soap he can use without breaking out or being itchy, so it's good to know they are appreciated.
For all the ladies in the swap. I hope to have everyone connected very soon. A few people have asked what, exactly, the swap is. It is for ONE handmade dish or wash cloth. If you want to include anything else, that is up to you. I just want everyone to be open to a new experience, to make new friends and to have fun with it. : )
Swap partners
Pre-post
I woke a few times through the night with H coughing and sneezing. He was feeling poorly when I went to bed so I think he has either a cold or the flu. I'll take him some lemon and honey tea in soon and see how he's feeling.
Kerry is coming to stay on Thursday - his 26th birthday. We are all going out to his favourite restaurant up in the mountains - King Ludwigs. It's a German restaurant so H and Shane love it too and although they cook up lots of pork and sausage, we know the owners there who also make a delicious vegetarian meal for me. So it's something we're all looking forward to. I hope to make up a birthday cake tomorrow, when I also have to go to a meeting and pick my boy up from the bus station. As usual, we will be busy.
I'll be back shortly to make my real post and to add to your wonderful comments.
24 July 2007
Happiness is lurking
I believe we find our own happiness. No one has it delivered on a silver platter. I also know you don't find it by sitting watching TV all day, or by shopping for it. And it's not those big milestone events which, although they give you a real rush of joy and are high points in your life, are only fleeting moments. Happiness is usually small, so sometimes it's hard to find and recognise, and it usually isn't one thing, it's an accumulation of small things. It helps too to acknowledge happiness. To actually say, or think - THIS makes me happy. I think this acknowledgement helps you remember the small fragments of happiness as you add them to your basket.
23 July 2007
The painting is progressing slowly
As some of you know, H and I are painting the inside of our house. We're going from a cool and pale mint green to a creamy yellow called Milk Maiden. We've, or more accurately, H, has finished the ceilings and yesterday started on the yellow walls. I can't tell you what a difference it makes to the look and feel of our home. The kitchen is finished and H hopes to finish off the remaining yellow walls today, while I'm at work. Then he'll start on the trims and doors, which will be a greyish blue called Smoke Ring. If you're wondering what my part in all this is, I've been cleaning down walls, picking up paint cloths, covering furniture, checking the coverage of the paint ; ) and making cups of tea.
As we've been cleaning, moving things around and painting the last few days, I haven't had a chance to make my soap, and take photos for a tutorial on it. I have not forgotten and will certainly get to it next week. I think that soap making is a valuable skill to have when living a simple life. A rich moisturising soap does wonders for the skin, as well as keep us clean, and it's nice to have a soap you know you can trust to nourish your skin without relying on overpriced skin creams. If I need extra moisturing during Winter, I just use a little olive oil. It's a wonder to me why anyone would need to buy anything more.
I'm really pleased we have our dishcloth swap underway. It will be a lovely way to connect with each other and get to know our online neighbours. I think I might get some time to come online when I'm at work later today so I'll start sending email addresses or postal addresses to swappers. If you haven't sent your postal or email address for me to pass on to your swap buddy, can you please do it soon. Thank you. Remember, the swap deadline is August 17, so if you all start your knitting soon, we'll have enough time to finish our projects without the need to hurry. And we do have a place for one more swapper, as I ended up with two swap partners, so if you'd like to join this swap, let me know today.
I want to also mention how much I enjoy getting your emails. I've received quite a few from readers who have never commented so it was delightful to get to know them in an email. I also enjoy contact from those lovely people who do comment. There is a greater opportunity to connect via email and to talk openly about what we're doing. Sometimes it takes me a couple of days to reply, I forget to check my email sometimes and at other times I'm busy, but I will get back to all of you, I promise. It's been a blessing to receive emails from all over the world, as well as those from the many Australians who read my blog. So to all of your who have taken the time to write, I thank you most sincerely.
This is Alice, in her curly Airedale winter coat, sitting with her good friend Hettie, our old white cat, in the warmth of yesterday's afternoon sun. They make sure they sit close to the back door every afternoon so they are ready when their dinner comes out.
22 July 2007
Swap buddies
- Michelle and Jenny
- Susan and Lenny
- Briget and Rhonda (kimmysmum)
- Polly and Jewels
- Busywoman and Chris
- Kirsty and Elizabeth
- Kim and Dot
- Grandma Carla and RhondaJean
- Sue and RhondaJean
- Robin and Maggie
Okay ladies, start your knitting. : )
Home Comforts
Cheryl is no Martha, who although I love many of the things she does, often confuses perfection and pretense with the hearty substance of a good home. She misses the essence. Cheryl gets right to the core though and intelligently examines meaning right along with stain removal, dusting and how to fold.
After reading Home Comforts, I started thinking more about the importance of my home, that I felt relaxed and comfortable there, and that if I could make my home exactly what I wanted it to be as well as safe, beautiful, open and welcoming, then I would be creating for myself and my family the best kind of home. Reading this book showed me that housework is actually the opposite of menial - it creates meaning, warmth and feeling of being cared for.
She wrote: "I first learned that housework has meaning by observing my grandmothers. The reason they made a fuss when they saw a granddaughter doing things in a 'foreign' way is that they knew - in their bones if not in words - that the way you experience life in your home is determined by how you do your housekeeping. Just as you read a culture in the way its people fold a shirt (or do not), the little domestic habits are what gives everybody's home the special qualities that make it their own and let them feel at home there. Understandably, each of my grandmothers wanted me to make a home in which she could feel at home.
"This sense of being at home is important to everyone's well-being. If you do not get enough of it, your happiness, resilience, energy, humor and courage will decrease. It is a complex thing, an amalgam. In part it is a sense of having special rights, dignities and entitlements and these are legal realities, not just emotional states. It includes familiarity, warmth, affection, and a conviction of security. Being at home feels safe...
"These formidably good things, which you cannot get merely by finding true love or getting married or having children or landing the best job in the world, or even by moving into the house of your dreams. Nor is there much that interior decorating can do to provide them. Making a home attractive helps you feel at home, but not nearly so much as most of seem to think, if you gauge by the amounts of money we spend on home furnishing. In fact, too much attention to the look of a home can backfire of it creates a stage-set feeling instead of the authenticity of a genuinely homely place. And going in for nostalgic pastimes - canning, potting sewing, making Christmas wreaths, painting china, decorating cookies - will not work either. I count myself among those who find these things fun to do, but I know from experience that you cannot make a home by imitating the household chores and crafts of a past era. Ironically, people are led into the error of playing house instead of keeping house by a genuine desire for a home and its comforts. ... What really does work to increase the feeling of having a home and its comforts, is housekeeping."
Cheryl Mendelson is a Harvard graduated lawyer and has a Ph.D in philosophy, so the book is not shy of discussing the significance of the home and our place within it. But it's value to me was in explaining why we do certain things and why they make a difference. It's over 850 pages long so there are plenty of words on technique and methodology as well, so it's an excellent all round book on the whys and hows of homekeeping. If you're struggling with why you should be spending time on your housework, this book might open some doors for you.
21 July 2007
Frugal Subversive Award
Reducing our consumption of products and returning to local, homemade and reused things is something that will benefit all of us and our planet. Endeavouring to be more frugal is one of the most important steps we can all make to help redress our environmental problems. It is a small but important step towards sustainability.
This is the start of a new meme - the Frugal Subversive Award. I am giving my award to three bloggers who consistently turn their backs on consumerism to live frugally in a creative and authentic way. These bloggers have made me think in innovative ways about my own life and how I can make a difference making, reusing, and just saying "no" to mindless spending.
The first bloggers to be presented with the Frugal Subversive Award are:
Julie at Towards Sustainability
Eilleen at Consumption Rebellion
Please check these blogs out and see for yourself how valuable and interesting they are.
The shared lunch
It was quite common in the 1950 for everyone to sit down to a family meal at lunchtime on Sunday and if you had walked out into our neighbourhood at 11am any Sunday morning, you would have been able to smell the roasting meat and vegetables cooking away slowly in all those old ovens.
The style of food has changed a lot over the years but the anticipation and the enjoyment of sharing the abundance of our backyard with friends and family is ever present. This, my friends, is another simple joy that cannot be bought and a family tradition worth keeping.
20 July 2007
Homemade tomato paste
graphic from: http://www.picturestore.com.au/
Homemade condensed milk
1/3 cup hot water
2/3 cup sugar
1 cup powdered milk - this can be full cream or skim milk
3 tablespoons butter
Melt the sugar in the hot water, then put all your ingredients into a food processor or blender. Mix slowly at first until everything is combined, then use high speed until everything is smooth.