down to earth

Showing posts with label Self reflection. Show all posts

When I simplified my life I thought not much would change in the future. Looking back on it now, things didn't change for many years but when the changes came, they were terrifying, challenging and, eventually, wonderful. I’d never thought about living alone until it happened and then I thought I’d just carry on as before. But it didn’t turn out that way - many of my changes were big and difficult and now my life is very different to what it used to be. So I thought it might be a good thing to write about here - to help others as they age and because I want my blog to be a journal of my life and it wouldn’t be a true and genuine account without these final chapters.

The catalyst for my life change was Hanno becoming sick and eventually dying of brain cancer and Parkinson's disease. Long term readers might notice I left out the diagnosis of dementia which I now believe was false. It wasn't the only false diagnosis he was given but let's just leave it at that. When Hanno died, I fell in a heap and sat on the front verandah staring into space and I stayed there until I realised that I had to do something to get myself moving again. Afterall, I didn't have Hanno there to ask our mutual question: "What are you doing? There's work to be done." The only thing I could think of was to restart my decades-old housework routine and see where that took me. I wasn't sure what would happen, maybe I'd come up with a great idea on how to live well, maybe I'd sell the house, maybe I'd go back to the seat on the verandah. I just didn't know. But what did happen was subtle and reassuring - my housework nurtured me by providing a familiar way to spend my hours and that in turn removed my anxiety and sadness. I felt my life taking shape again, I started with making my bed in the morning, taking Gracie outside and sitting to watch the sunrise, making breakfast, thinking about lunch, cleaning the kitchen, then moving on to whatever needed to be done that particular day. I also included a lot of downtime when I'd read, paint and write because I wanted my creativity to thrive again.

I was diagnosed with a non-malignant brain tumour in 2019. It makes me dizzy and unable to bend over or look up to do things but mainly it's made me think in a different way! It's made me more organised and patient, two things that weren't a big part of my intellectual or emotional makeup before. Now I do what has to be done, not find reasons not to do it and that has made life much easier, especially as I haven't had Hanno asking the "What are you doing? ..." question. I can easily motivate myself to do almost anything now and I'm more inclined to forgive mistakes, in myself and others.

I met Hanno when I was 28, he died when I was 74, so it took a while to work out what made sense at this stage of my life. In the old days, I'd stockpile, bake bread every day, make almost everything from scratch, preserve food, make soap and simple cleaning products, I'd grow food, cook and store it, shop mindfully, I gave up recreational shopping (including thrift shopping), I decluttered, recycled and composted. But that all changed when I was alone. Initially I stopped baking but started again when I didn't want to drive to the bakery to buy bread, and I missed my daily piece of toast. Instead of baking a loaf every day, I now bake about once every two weeks and wait until the loaf is cold, slice it, bag it in a reusable plastic bag and store it in the freezer. When I make biscuits/cookies, I make a full batch but divide that and freeze half the dough. It tastes just as good when it's baked and if someone comes over I usually have something in the freezer I can defrost and bake for them. Instead of growing or buying a large amount of tomatoes for relish or strawberries for jam, I buy those things in season when they're at their best and cheapest and preserve smaller amounts. Around Christmas time, I bought four punnets of perfect local strawberries and made two jars of strawberry jam - that will probably last me most of the year. Instead of buying fresh tomatoes, I bought tinned tomatoes and made the relish I usually make for Christmas lunch. I still have six jars of that which I'm using as pizza sauce, sandwich relish and as a base for curry and pasta sauces.

I've cut my food waste by about 90%. I did that by using the Zwilling vacuum seal glass containers and plastic bags. I wrote about that twice last year, here are those links: Zwilling vacuum seals one, Zwilling vacuum seals two.

Now I eat when I'm hungry and go to bed when I'm tired - even if it's 4pm. The time of day and day of the week don't matter because the daily decisions I make usually only relate to me. I can do whatever I like, whenever I like. If you were to walk past my place at 2am and hear the gentle whir of a machine, it would probably be me sewing. Having no timetable or deadlines eases stress, especially after a writing career that is based on deadlines. I feel happy and lucky that this is what my life is now. Of course, I miss Hanno and think of him everyday, but I talk to the photo of him in the kitchen and I'm pretty sure he'd like the way I've rebuilt my life.

Another one of my changes is to have my groceries delivered once a week. For me, it's cheaper than going to the supermarket and roadside stalls. With my pensioner's discount, it costs about $2 per delivery. So I don't have to struggle getting the grocery bags in and out of my car, I'm not tempted to buy things I don't need and I save on petrol because I don't drive the 20 minute journey there and back.

One thing I've always been mindful of is eating fruit and vegetables every day, mainly for the fibre but also for the vitamins and minerals they contain. When I was cooking for two, Hanno liked having a cooked breakfast and lunch and he'd often have a toasted sandwich for dinner, so there were always a variety of vegetables cooked twice a day. Now that I eat one meal a day and that might be soup, homemade sausage rolls, eggs, steak, chicken or a casserole, I make sure I get enough vegetables by making up a bowl of coleslaw every week. I store it in a Zwilling vacuum glass container and have a coleslaw side dish with whatever I eat as my mail meal. I have at least two pieces of fruit a day and drink tea, water and milk.

I still cook all Gracie's food and alternate between red meat and chicken. About once a month she has a couple of days eating raw meat. I used to give her chicken necks too but she had trouble chewing them so I stopped giving them to her. She has a cup of Black Hawk high quality dog biscuits in the morning and drinks only water.

Overall, I cook and bake from scratch and although I eat the food I like, usually it's the simple food I grew up eating. I eat very few processed foods or drinks, I know the food requirements for my age group and I generally eat between 6am and about 2pm. I eat less than I did when I cooked three meals a day and I feel better for it. I still keep a small stockpile of tea, small tins of red salmon, baked beans, jam, relish, pickles, rolled oats, grains, pasta, rice, sugar, vinegar, honey, various flours and spices. I usually have frozen butter, bread and a small amount of meat and chicken in the freezer. The pandemic proved to me that anything can happen at any time so I stockpile foods that will store well and keep me going until the food deliveries start again.

Today I’m making a new version of choc chip biscuits/cookies. If I like them I’ll include the recipe in my eCookbook. I’ve started work on it, made changes already and now I think I’m happy with what I’m creating. Originally I was going to write one document but then realised it would be too big and didn’t want the bother of handling and emailing such a large file. I decided then that I’d break it into several sections, then decided against that because that would be a bother too. LOL Now I'm writing a savoury book and a sweet book. I’ve lived with that decision for a couple of weeks now and it still makes sense to me, so I’m guessing that’s what I’ll end up with. I hope to release the savoury book in June.

In my next post, I'll carry on with the same theme of what I used to do and what I do now. Those topics will be Gardening, Organising money and paying bills, Grooming and feeding Gracie and a third post on this subject on Spending time alone and with Gracie, Organising my time, Doing what I want, Maintaining relationships - family and friends, neighbours, My health.

I hope there will be a few things in these posts that will help you as you grow older. It's an interesting and significant journey that not everyone is fortunate enough to make.

For the past 25 years, I've lived here in a very slow lane. I've often written about closing the gate on the outside world so we could remain oblivious to what was happening out there. On our side of the gate every day brought challenges on how to fix the soil, work with compost and think about how many chickens make the ideal flock. We planted fruit, herbs and vegetables, collected eggs and shared what we had with others. We were always less concerned with what was happening 'outside' because on our side of the gate, days were full of interesting and unusual projects and the promise of that continuing tomorrow.

I wrote about feeling safe and secure, of having time to enjoy what I'm doing and a growing appreciation of being able to learn traditional skills to help me carry out my work here. And sometimes I wrote about the quietness of my home, hearing the neighbourhood sounds, a train in the distance, welcoming migrating birds back each year. It was such a peaceful and enriching life.

My dish cloth and tea towel drawer.

You may be surprised to learn I was quite chaotic when I was younger but over the years I discovered the benefits of being slower and more mindful. I mellowed a lot and relaxed into home life and what it gave me. Eventually, everything flowed and I had time to enjoy the process, ignore what was happening online or on TV and to make plans to live a more traditional and bespoke life. I smiled a lot, especially when I was alone.

It felt like that existence shattered when Hanno died and I wasn't sure if I would still feel that my home was a safe haven. Last week, I turned that corner. I've been working in my home every day since Hanno died. With no real plan or definite ideas about what the future holds for me, I've been establishing new routines, organising things to suit me and not 'us' and I slowly worked to put life back together, piece by piece. I'm happy to tell you I feel I'm almost there. Of course, there is a deep sadness I feel every day and I doubt that will go but I also feel optimistic, strong and independent.

These pastries are the easiest you'll ever make. I'll show you how in a future post.

And I think that for me, although I had those initial doubts about the veracity of my safe haven, I've proven that home does have the ability to nurture and restore. My home wrapped itself around me well before Hanno died. It welcomed me back every day I visited him and it made me feel comfortable and safe, even with him gone. Over the years I've put a lot into my home. I wanted it to look after us and everyone who visited us and it's safe to say now that it's paid me back for every repair we ever did here, every floor I moped, every toilet I cleaned, every painted wall, solar panel and water tank we added.

Circa 1980s and 90s - a collection of old recipes I'd collected were among the many things that rode out of here in the rubbish bin.

This has been the worst year of my life but I'm pleased to say that even though I'll be 75 years old next April, I feel stronger and more determined than I ever have before. I have plans to paint, write, tend my garden, cook, rest and think out there, on the verandah, with Gracie. I don't know what I'll do tomorrow, but it will be very similar to what I did today because that is what life is all about - rituals, routines and repetition. I'll cook food, make the bed, clean up, make a batch of laundry liquid, put things in place and whether these things are done for necessity or love, it is all a part of homemaking that over the years helped create a safe haven that was here when I needed it most.

I like to think I’ve got a pretty good grip on the work I do here in my home but now when I sit down to write to you, I can’t think of what I did this past week. Luckily I have photos I took along the way and after seeing them it all comes back to me. I’m still sorting through drawers and cupboards and getting rid of things I no longer have any reason to keep. It’s part of my general housekeeping now - a couple of times a week I bring in a little trolley, fill it with things I once thought I’d keep forever. Now my priority is to have a home that encourages me to be the person I am now, not the other Rhonda who was part of a couple. Every week life moves slowly away from the home of a happily married couple and towards a place when an independent woman lives. I hope I find the same level of satisfaction I had back then but it’s still early days and the practical work of rebuilding needs to be complete before I can make any judgements about contentment and happiness. Will the glass be half-full or half-empty?

This is the area where I sit and think with Gracie at my feet. Sometimes I read here and sometimes I just listen to the radio and potter around. Gracie follows me everywhere now. If I go inside, so does she, if I wander outside, she follows. And if she’s sniffing around the yard and doesn’t see me go inside, she stands at the door and gives one loud bark and I know she wants me to open the door for her NOW.

Waiting for the postman. She doesn't bark at him, I think she just wants him to know she's there. 🙄

I’m building a flower, spice and herb garden on the sunny corner of the front verandah. It’s always nurtured ferns and tropical plants in the past, and I still have them, but I’m introducing flowers - roses, nasturtiums, foxgloves, yarrow, lavender, pansies and penstemon, as well as green onions, chilli, parsley and ginger.

This area changes almost every day. I used to be able to make instant decisions, now I have to look at my changes to decide if they suit me. 🤔 😵‍💫

That's a digiplexis foxglove in the pot. It's a soft orange colour with several flower spikes. I'll take a photo for you when the flowers are open.

Plants waiting to be put somewhere. This area is a little further along the verandah.

Like most of you, I'm always trying to save the food I buy from being wasted. Now that I'm single this is more difficult. I bought a long cucumber last week, had one salad and knew the cucumber might sit in the fridge and waste away. So I grabbed the vinegar and pickling spices to make bread and butter cucumbers. The idea with this is to remove as much water as possible from the cucumber so I sprinkled a tablespoon of salt over thinly sliced cucumbers and left it a few hours. Then I washed the salted water away and squeezed the water off with a cucumbers in a clean tea towel. Don't forget to do this because if you add your pickling liquids and spices to the cucumbers in the jar, they'll release their water into the pickling liquid and will dilute the pickles.

They'll taste wonderful if you let the flavours develop but you can eat them straight away if you want to.

To make the pickling liquid, add the following to a small saucepan: 1 cup vinegar, ½ cup sugar, pickling spices, pepper and little pieces of onion or chilli if you have them on hand. Bring to the boil, simmer for 30 minutes and let it sit on the stove until slightly cooler. Taste it and if liquid is a bit strong for you, add ½ cup water. Then add the cucumbers and the still-hot pickling liquid to a sterilised jar and store it in the fridge. I have one serve of pickled cucumbers left but I'll buy another cucumber to pickle on my next shopping trip. I don't like oil in my salad dressing so I always make enough of this so I have some for salad dressing. I use the leftover liquid as salad dressing too. It keeps well in the fridge.

Parsley salt and dried parsley

Two other quick herby tips for you here - parsley salt and dried parsley. I harvested most of my parsley on Tuesday, washed it thoroughly and removed the stalks (they're bitter when dried). Preheat your oven for the dried parsley now - 180C/350F and when it reaches temp, turn it down to 120C/250F. Make the parsley salt while your oven is heating up.

This is what the sink full of parsley looks like now.

Parsley salt

To a food processor, add 1 cup salt, I used pink Himalayan salt but rock salt or pure cooking salt is also good.

Add two cups of parsley with no stalks.

Process the mix until the parsley is flecked through the salt but don't overprocess because the salt will be too fine. Lay it out on a plate to dry for about an hour then add it to a jar. Store in the fridge and give it a gentle shake every couple of days so it doesn't clump together.

It's great to use in scrambled eggs, sprinkled over the top layer of lasagne or any pasta, mashed potatoes, salads, roast meats, steak and, of course, fish. You can do this with a variety of herbs - oregano, sage, bay leaves, coriander/cilantro, fennel, rosemary or finely grate lemon or orange zest and add it to the salt. All of them store well in the fridge.

Dried parsley

Then go on to your dried parsley. Dry the leaves as much as possible, preheat eat your oven to 180C/350F and when it reaches temp, turn it down to 120C/250F.

Lay the washed, dried parsley, with stalks removed, onto baking paper in a baking tray, place the tray in the oven making sure you have your temps right. Leave it in the oven for about 25 minutes then remove from the oven. When it cools down, crush the parsley with your hands and add it to a jar. Two well loaded large oven trays gave me the amount you see in the small jar. Store this alongside your herbs and spices in a cupboard.

🌿 💚 🌿

The creation of my new life is a slow process. I could sit back and let it make its own way but I want my life to include diversity and creativity as the the main building blocks; and I want moments of joy liberally mixed throughout each ordinary day. I'm so thankful that Hanno and I prepared well for this part of life because if I had to go from what we had five years ago to what I'm capable of now and in the future, I'd be in a worse space. I guess I've done the difficult part of working out what I want in my life now. It's important to me to continue with the housework I've done in the past. I will still cook from scratch - for Gracie and me, preserve, bake occasionally, keep a small stockpile, make my own cleaners and laundry liquid. I will continue to look for opportunities to be kind and generous. Those ordinary everyday tasks help define my life giving each day structure and purpose and a reason to get up every morning. Of course, family is a significant part of my life and while my family has changed, it's still on top of the priority list.

What fits into the rest of my life is what I'm focusing on now. It will be made up of creativity, productivity, sharing what I know and being grateful for each new day. It's a complex model of a simple life but I guess every life is complex in its own way. I'm glad I have the freedom to create life in the way I want it to be and I have the time now try different things to fit into the mix I already have.

Kerry and Jamie bought Gracie a dogie donut (with bacon topping) and a bone biscuit. She wasn't sure what to make of it first but she didn't hesitate in eating both of them.

My main new thing will be painting and drawing. I used to be quite artistic when I was young and I want to examine that again. I also want to do some final getting published/writing workshops. Of all the workshops I've done, I enjoyed the writing ones the most. I need to earn some money to build up my nest egg again after I spent so much during Hanno's final months. I want to have some workshops here, maybe with lunch included, and maybe some on Zoom. If you're interested in this, let me know because it will help me make the decision on whether to go ahead or not.

But that's all in the future and today is just as important. When I finish here, I'll tidy the kitchen, harvest chard, set some aside for lunch and freeze the rest. My bed is made but I have to put away yesterday's washed clothes and sheets. Two toilets must be cleaned and I'll finish off reorganising the laundry. After lunch Gracie and I will be out in the garden fertilising, cleaning up, weeding and repotting. We're expecting rain this afternoon so I want both verandahs clean and tidy before the wind and rain starts.

And that's it for me, another ordinary day done and dusted. I hope things are going well for you. Home life is usually busy when seasons change. What are you doing? I send my love across the miles. xx

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