5 August 2007

I can feel love sometimes. It manifests itself in many ways as H and I live together and although I know he loves me all the time, sometimes, I feel it too.

As you know we’ve both been sick with colds or flu, or whatever it is. I get asthma too so I have to be careful as my asthma is always worse when I get any respiratory tract infection. Luckily we’re both pretty healthy and I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve been sick in the past ten years.

I haven’t been strong enough to do much over the past few days. H made sure I’ve been sitting either on the front verandah, in the lounge room or next to the bedroom window with the sun pouring in. He’s been bringing me glasses of water, cups of tea and soup and cut up pieces of fruit. To me, peeling and cutting someone’s fruit for them is an act of love. It’s been with me since forever and I always associate it with being cared for and nourished.

He’s listening to my breathing too. Just like I did last week when he was sick, and I listened to his. I wonder if he thinks of us aging, like I did, and that we’re getting older now. When I start wheezing at night, he wakes me up with my asthma puffer and while I organise myself with it, he gets some lemon and honey tea, and then we settle back into our warm bed together again. I know he’s been covering me up too. I have a habit of throwing off the quilt, but he keeps retrieving it to make sure I stay warm. I know what he’s doing, but he doesn’t know I know. : )

This love we’ve grown through our marriage is like an old sourdough starter that’s been developing its flavours for years. Those flavours are complex and delicate, yet robust enough to last through time. When I was young I didn’t know that love matured and changed through the years, but it does. As we change, so does the expression of our love. This is unlike the young love of a new marriage, it’s confident, softer and mellowed.

The first thing he asks each morning is “how are you feeling today?” I want to say “I’m feeling love” but I tell him, “I’m ok” instead. It’s a wonderful thing to find someone who will look after you as a mother would and who maintains a loving and patient attitude not only when things are wonderfully bright and positive, but also when they’re not. It’s at those times I have more than the knowledge of love, I feel it too.

Hearts to all of you who drop by today. I hope you feel love in your life too.