Last birthday post ... I promise ; - )

I will be 60 years old tomorrow. I can hardly believe it. How can someone who so clearly remembers being at school, seeing Bob Dylan, the Beatles and Rolling Stones when they were in their 20s, revelling in the first flush of motherhood and then being pregnant again 12 weeks later, and all those memories of my teenage sons, how could she be 60? It’s amazing. But it’s also wonderful, life affirming and beautiful. I love being my age. I feel I’ve gained my stripes and that I’m now a senior member of my community. I’m not sure what’s ahead for me but I want to make my later years just as interesting, if not more so, as my younger years. I owe that to myself, to Hanno, my sons and to those people who might look to me as a role model.

We have few good role models in this life. We all know they’re not apparent in the media; the mothers and women we see each day in magazines and on TV are not real. They’re a conglomeration of the 50s housewife and whoever has been fashionable on TV recently. I would like to have a role model that I can relate to; an authentic woman who believes in herself, works hard, supports her family and friends and who rejects the modern idea that no matter what age we are we must look and act young. I would like to have a role model who is independent, non-conformist and who expands the current idea of what it is to be an older woman in our society.

Before I started going grey I used to dye my hair. As soon as the grey appeared, I stopped. My hairdresser told me I did the opposite of what other women did and that I should keep dyeing my hair to cover the grey. I stopped going to that hairdresser. I don’t want to support people or businesses who tell women to copy every other carbon copy and who imply that women only have value if they look young. I want to look like myself. I want to look my age. I want to be authentic. I feel comfortable being me. I don’t look fashionable, I only look presentable when I go to work, often I look a bit daggy when I’m at home. I’m okay with that because I want to use the time I have, not on sprucing myself up, but on working on my life.

I know that what I look like doesn’t matter to my loved ones, just as what they look like doesn’t matter to me. It’s more important to me that they feel confident, loved and comfortable. I know that there will be days I look okay and days I don’t. If your hair is greying, if you’ve put on a few pounds or you feel you’re too skinny, too tall, not pretty enough, have the wrong colour eyes, or hair, or shoes, all those things are signs you don’t feel comfortable with you, and no matter what you change, you won’t change that feeling until you develop self esteem.

If you are struggling with aging or the fashion thing, if you haven’t yet developed your own style, I encourage you to stop thinking about what others think and decide what you want – what makes you happy and valued? If you can feel comfortable in your own skin, despite how you look, you will reap the rewards of it. Being your own true self will strengthen and sustain you. You won’t look to others for guidance on how to look and be, you will know what it takes to make you comfortable and you fix yourself on that.

One of the many wonderful things age brings, is confidence – it is but one of its many rewards. If you’re much younger, develop your own sense of style and confidence as you age. I will guarantee you this: if you try to fit into what your friends think you should be, you will never be tall enough, pretty enough, slim enough, or have the right clothes in the right colour, length or style. You will always fall short if you use someone else’s yardstick to measure yourself. As you evolve into the true and authentic person you are, without the trimmings – you will develop the grace and style that no fashion magazine could hope to emulate. You will be a confident woman, secure in the knowledge that you are who you are and not just a copy of someone else.

There is freedom in truly owning the face, hair and body of your own real age, even if they don't fit in with the current fashion. It is part of living an authentic life, rejecting the expectations of fashion and the judgement of friends and colleagues, to live as you really are. I know it takes courage to change, but if you feel uncomfortable or stressed or worn out by constantly trying to look young, slim and fashionable, I’m here to tell you that changing to what you really see yourself to be will liberate you and that growing older is nothing to fear.

I will be 60 years old tomorrow! I won't post as it is Bel's day and I might have a sleep in. After today I won't go on and on about my birthday or ageing for a while but I hope you've experienced a bit of joy I feel in turning 60. It really is a wonderful feeling.