I wish

10 April 2012
There was a common misconception when we were on the book tour that the way Hanno and I live works best for older people who have the time for it. I've written here before about how that's not right, that this way of living would suit anyone living in the country, suburbs or city, whether single or married, straight or gay, young or older. It's here for all of us, there is no doubt about that. I have thought a lot about this and I know that you can change the way you live no matter what age you are; all you need is the will to do it. My regret is that I didn't start sooner.

I wish I hadn't waited so long to change.

My right time came when I was burnt out and miserable and I doubt I could have done anything else. We made a complete change and luckily for us, it turned out well. I can't help but think about Hanno and I living as we do now but at a much younger age. There would have been different choices made, no doubt, maybe we would have ended up in a different area, but we would have spent much more time outside the mainstream celebrating life and being who we really are. So when is the right time? From experience, I doubt there is one right time. The sooner you can simplify your life, the better you'll be for it.

I was talking to young man the other day, his first child will be born later this year. He is ready to settle down and start a family but where he sees difficulty, job uncertainty and not enough money, I see opportunity and independence. When I was his age I thought that a baby must be born into a family using newly bought clothes and equipment. I know now it makes no difference whether what you have is new or old, what matters is that baby is loved and the family it's born into is stable.  Stability, love and calmness will see every baby through. All a baby really needs is to be fed, to be warm and secure and held in loving arms. Everything they need can be gratefully accepted secondhand from friends and family, or made for a fraction of the shop price. Babies, as well as older children, are not deprived by this way of life, they thrive in it. Looking on Freecycle or in op shops, and telling your family and friends you're looking for certain items, will open up a new world, and show you that when security and love are provided in full measure, happy healthy babies thrive, even when there is very little money.

I wish I hadn't wasted so much.

I have always know that work is the key to a good life. When I was younger, I watched as my parents worked their whole lives. As I matured, I took on their work ethic but I left out an important part of the equation - working in my own home. The older I got, the further I moved away from the notion that being at home is the major part of everyday renewal and that home is where we rest and regain the strength to deal with the stresses of the outside world. Our homes must be far more than just the place we store our clothes and sleep in every night. Turning the shell of a house into something much more and doing the house work that every home requires, may very well be the making of you too. I know now that making a warm and comfortable nest for my family and me was as beneficial and important as any of the paid work I ever did.

I wish I'd worked that out sooner.

A home has the power to nurture and strengthen you and your family. Not only can you be your true self in your home - you can do anything you like there. If you want to work all day or read all day, if you want to make your backyard into a mini farm, if you want to set up a small business, if you want to teach your children about the night sky or how to plant a seed, if you want to enjoy time with visiting family and friends, if you want to reinvent yourself, there should be no one there to tell you not to. And when you really understand that your home is your safe haven, when you change your home to suit you and your family, this place you've chosen will be the making of you. Your home can have more influence over you than any other place. And the beauty of all this is that all homes have this potential power - tiny homes furnished with hand-me-downs and scrubbed-up op shop finds, rented flats and apartments with bricks holding up the shelves and smart homes with modern everything. Because it's what goes on in the home, the love given and shared, that makes the difference, not the newness of the building or the price and age of the furnishings.

I wish I'd know that when I was young. 


  1. What a beautiful post! The Bible says that "godliness with contentment is great gain." I have found that the more content I am just being at home, enjoying the simple things and doing things myself {working hard}, the happier I become.

  2. This is so powerful! Your words have really touched my heart.


  3. A very special post, Rhonda. I think this is one thing we are noticing is that many people our age ( in their 40s) are not using their house as a home ...it is just a place they sleep and change their clothes in. Even eating doesn't seem to get done at home anymore. Home should be the place that nutures and nourishes .It is also easy to get caught up in the treadmill of life and not know you are doing it while you are in it ....but i am so glad we got off the treadmill and took a deep breath. Thanks for a thoughtful post.... I just wish I could convince everyone I love to live the same life.

  4. We are all different . A visit to a neice with a new beautiful baby personally horrified me. She proudly showed her huge home, on a tiny block of land decorated like a Harvey Norman catalogue.
    I had a very strong urge to ask who had told her this is what you aim for. Of course I didn't but it has continued to disturb me.
    Mostly the use of worlds resources, the sameness of it all, the lack of any community centre in the area. To me it was all depressing.
    We have 3 grown children. One's family is very minimalistic but what they have is top quality, they are a very sporty family and spend a lot of time playing sport more than tv watching.
    The next has used hand me downs and 2nd hand goods and has a home full of character. The 3rd is back at uni but has family antiques , mostly made using lovely Queensland silky oak, stored in our shed ready for use. Her aim is to own an old qld workers cottage.
    I am pleased none of these children have chosen to go into huge debt for something that society told them was good for them. They each have chosen their own style and lifestyle.

  5. You are so wise Rhonda! You keep reminding me to enjoy life. Today I am sitting in on interviews for my son's aide at school (a day of huge importance to me and I'm a bit wound up). I read your post and feel so good about my life. I rose early, am slow cooking a casserole for dinner and I'm taking homemade pumpkin soup for lunch. All is running smoothly. Your blog reminds me to stop and take note of all the positive changes we have made and to pat myself on the back for running a home successfully! Thank you!

  6. Thank you for this wonderful post!
    I felt and still feel very happy and content about my career: SAHM, raised my four children, doing everything myself, also in periods there was very little money.
    Many people had quite other ideas and opinions in the last decades of the last century.
    I used cloth nappies for my babies, breastfed my children. I love(d) it!
    Now I am a very happy and content oma. My third grandchild is expected in June.
    I feel blessed!
    And your blog is a daily joy to me; thanks Rhonda.


  7. Well said! The wisdom of age and experience is shining through :)

  8. Hi Rhonda, beautiful,thoughtful post. Yes, the important thing is to just start, wherever you are. My dearest friend is living the good life in sydney in a flat,on a small incomewith children. I'm living it here in the country,in a little cottage on a big block. My income isn't huge either,and I'm single with children to support.
    Yes,it's hard at times,but it's so worth it. I hope that young man is reading and realising he has a choice not to step onto the treadmill,but to carve out a meaningful life for himself and his new family.
    Thanks for taking the time to write and inspire us Rhonda, you are a treasure.

  9. Rhonda,

    You are so right. We have to jump in where we are. I have an infant at home, and it often feels like I get nothing done, but at the end of the day I am filled with a sense of satisfaction and peace that I am on the right path. You are an incredible mentor to us. Thank you!

  10. Rhonda,
    Our family lived a more simplier life when our children were little. They played a lot of in-line/ice hockey [some went on to represent our state] so to save money. I made everything and cooked all our meals. They kids grew up, life changed,I went back to work after 21 years at home. Now life has changed again and we need to live simply [money is tight again] and I say to myself. Why did I ever stop? This is how it should have always been. Ohh the benifit of hindsight!!!!!

  11. g'day
    beautifully said as always
    just the pickup i needed this morning
    thanx rhonda jean

    selina from kilkivan qld

  12. Rhonda, this post is so true; now in my mid-fifties I wish so much I had made some different choices in the preceding 20 years. Those were my years as a single working mum, and although I had a vege garden and managed to instil decent values in my kids, looking back now at the amount I wasted it seems nothing short of criminal; my life now would be very different had I not done that.

    That said, they were very stressful and hard years and I guess I did the best I could at the time; those years make being able to now make my own choices and live according to my values all the sweeter and more appreciated. I almost think it took the spending and consumerism of those years to bring me to where I am now, so perhaps it was not all wasted.

    I will have your post in my mind today, thankyou for this gem.

  13. Amen! Beautifully, clearly, and powerfully tied together, and said! I do know these things, but this provided a timely refocus, and deeper knowing. Thank you!

  14. Hindsight. It's a wonderful thing, for those that have it. Unfortunately by it's very nature, the young haven't got it and can't have it.

  15. Dear Rhonda,
    Thanks for your beautiful post, I love your gentle encouragements. In our whole transformation in going greener I’ve found that the hardest thing, giving a gentle nudge instead of a preaching push.
    I no longer care about being the odd one out. Using cloth nappies, cooking from scratch, a veggie garden, chooks for composting, baking bread daily, op shops, sowing for my kids and thinking of raising cattle for meat. Not because money is tight, but because this is a way of life, a very good life.
    I’m only 30, have a university degree and a husband that has a good job as a doctor.
    It’s great to see that friends around us are getting inspired, are asking for advice and starting to make their houses a home.
    Thank you for your encouragements to keep at it.

  16. A great post Rhonda....you always make me think about what i have and how i can simplify and be happy with that! Sometimes the old way of thinking begins to creep back in and i need to reassess!
    I'm loving finding ways to raise the twins for very little outlay and we have lots of fun at home with many frugal crafts and activities so there is no missing out!
    If one more person questions why i would want to cloth nappy twins though i may just scream!
    Thanks for brightening my morning as always!

  17. Even at 34 I wish I had made these changes earlier. My hope now is to mindfully teach my 3 small children how wonderful it is to buck the trends and live a more simple natural lifestyle. In doing this I hope my babes never need to look back and wish they had realised sooner. Love your writing Rhondda

  18. Great post. I only wish i had started changing sooner than i did to. We could have avoided a lot of debt and worries, but on the upside we are working towards change. I started looking differently at things just over 6 months ago and even though we have not made much of a dent in debt but we are working towards it. We have managed to have solar power installed early this year by saving any small amount of money i could get my hand on. The water tank has been installed for the vege gardens and this week we are having a large pantry built into the kitchen so my stock piles wont be stored all over the house, which i have trouble knowing what food i have available because its spread out.
    After the pantry is done i can get on to sorting, and getting rid of clutter and then get on with reducing debt.
    If finding this a very exciting time in my life.

  19. At least you did learn it, Rhonda - there are so many who don't get it.

  20. What a wonderfully encouraging, and timely post, Rhonda...thank you,

  21. Aah Rhonda - what a blessing you are. My soul just took a deep breath.
    Thank you.

  22. I read this little saying today and thought it was appropriate.
    "Once she stopped rushing through life, she was amazed how much more life she had time for"

  23. Thanks Rhonda. A great post & just what i needed to read. Hugs, Jeanette

  24. Hi Rhonda,

    Oh, wow, I'm still thinking about the future dad-to-be...and what a blessing you are for him. I'm hoping he'll learn some lessons from you, because that will really help his family!!!!

    I'm completely done with processed foods now. My father and I make all our meals at home. It takes longer, but we're loving it. Also it's helping us to save money :) :)

    Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather :)

  25. Powerful,brilliant,well said!! Just what I needed to hear! Darlene

  26. Rhonda, you're absolutely right that you don't have to wait until retirement to adopt a simple lifestyle. I think the difficulty comes in that much of my generation (Gen Ys) had mums at work and grandparents living in other towns to us. We missed out on that valuable transfer of skills. As a result many of my peers don't know any other choice than to shop shop shop and spend spend spend. I'm the odd one out for baking and crafting and staying at home with my baby.

    My daughter sleeps in a secondhand cot (with a new mattress), wears hand-me-down clothes from her cousins, wears cloth nappies, and uses linens that were gifted to her by generous relatives. She plays in the backyard and goes to the library for storytime, we visit friends houses and play with their toys during mothers group. She loves to draw, play with water and read books. She only has one box of toys which is more than enough. Children need love, attention and time with their parents.

    I wish the young man you met good luck with his new family.

  27. So beautiful and wise! The part about starting a family really resonated with me - it's so true that all a baby really needs is food, warmth, and loving arms. Thanks for sharing this.

  28. Such a beautifully written piece. Thankyou

  29. It's amazing how we buy into the rat race. I don't know if it's my age, 55, or what. I've started gardening, canning, freezing, jam making...cooking from scratch. I can't believe I ever stopped. I feel so nourished. I felt that reading your post today. Thanks Rhonda. You are a treasure.

  30. Rebecca in TassieApril 10, 2012 2:41 pm

    Hello Rhonda,
    This is a lovely, lovely post. Hindsight can be a cruel thing; but by sharing your experience, you gift so many people with a message they may otherwise never hear. I was blessed early on in our marriage to have someone tell me 'your home is a haven for your family, not a pit stop'. They were wise words. We have 8 children, and we manage well on one income. Sure, we have to manage our money carefully and stick to a budget; but we certainly don't live a life that is stingy or deprived. It's not always easy & we may not have the latest 'this, that & the other'; but we are (& feel) rich in so many ways. Nurturing and love are priceless. It's never too late to make our homes a safe haven.

  31. Hi Rhonda, I too wish I had started living just a little more simpler many years ago, about 14 actually when I had my first child...One thing I have certainly learned over the years is just what basics a family really needs to survive. I can't believe how much money I have wasted over the years on new toys, clothes and furniture and more toys and gadgets to entertain my children! Everything is too disposable these days...
    I pride myself now in spending as least as possible on all these items for my home and my family, even going without if we have to! Not only does it save you money playing games in the garden with your children, buying second hand or making/growing things yourself from scratch it also provides you with self satisfaction, self worth and I also feel a real sense of appreciation from my Family.
    Plus if your crating/thrifting you also get a home decorated with your very own personal touch...

  32. What a beautiful post Rhonda. It is always inspiring to hear how a home rather than a house is being built. I have just in the last little while realised how content I am in my life as a SAHM, we no longer have the money we had pre-children but we do not do without. I have time to cook our meals from scratch (no cheat ingredients), repair and reuse and most importantly I am able to build a deep connection with my daughter (and in the next couple of weeks, God willing, our son). Reading your post highlighted to me how much my life has changed over the last two years of parenthood. A few moments ago I was cleaning the loungeroom with a cloth only wet with water, I have the chicken carcass from easter making stock on the stove and yesterday I turned a ripped bottom sheet into rags!

    Well, I am off to order some newborn cloth nappies. Our first baby wore disposables for the first couple of months until she fitted into our supposedly "one size fits all modern cloth nappies". This time I am ordering nappies specifically for a newborn:)

  33. This post is so inspiring... in many ways. I've been reading your blog for a few weeks and am waiting for your book to arrive. I really wish to simplify my life and I deeply feel that this is the only way to be good to both nature and ourselves...
    When reading your posts, I discovered that I share the same "Down to Earth" philosophy.
    I only bought my house with a credit but nothing else. I have finished paying off the mortgage. I have never wanted to get into the consummer thing because I have always wanted to be free.
    Every summer I prepare homemade tomato juice to last the entire year. I can it and sterelize it.
    As I am not good at gardening and because we have some available land behind our house, we leave to a gardener who use it for free using our well for water. Therefore, this piece of land is used for a kitchen garden by this man who is happy to have a garden and fresh vegetables for his family and friends and he gives us fresh tomatoes and any kind of vegetables too. For this summer ( I live in the south of France), I have asked him to "teach" me the basics for growing vegetables and I will start growing a few things by myself.
    What makes me willing to simplify is the fact that I realize that I earn more and more money as I get older and it seems that there is never enough! When younger,(I'm 44), I thought I would have plenty enough with half of what I earn now!! I really want to make things go right! I do not have any morgage to pay off but I do not have any money aside in case of emergency. So my frst goal is to start saving and thus be even more free for making the right choices that suits my family and I.
    That you for your blog, as it acts as a real motivation for me right now... to get started... and the book should be here too to give me more ideas.

  34. Thank you Rhonda on this post. Its not often we are encouraged (as young mothers) to consider staying at home and raising our children. I realise this post wasn't just for my generation but in todays world you have to have everything the best and newest etc and honestly I have bought so much from opshops and in such good condition I don't really go and buy much from department stores or such like. I clothe my 3 children and myself from these shops and occasionally for my husband but he has a work uniform which is a saving in itself! I am enjoying being at home with my children, being able to pick them up from school/kindy and go to day actitives with my youngest and its a luxury I know yet we have also had to count the cost in me doing this. Simplifying life is a life of more freedom in many ways I think for us. Many blessings. x

  35. How I understand you! Again, I feel like reading you over and over!
    I'm having a giveaway on my blog, maybe you and some of your readers would like to take the chance to win something made with love.

    Wishing you a lovely week,


  36. Hello i am Glenn Verdult

    I enjoy reading your articles

    I am looking forward to read more..

  37. And that's why we thank you for posting each day. Mother of many..

    Love from Holland

  38. Such a heartfelt post, Rhonda.

    Today I read some more of your book and I spent some special time with my 5-yr-old daughter sorting seeds from plants we had grown in our very own garden.

    You were, in large part, inspiration for that beautiful moment with my daughter today.

    Thank you so much for all that you share Rhonda.


  39. Wow, at work today I talked about the almost the same thing. I said I wished I didn't have the belief that the baby needed to have expensive clothing as the baby doesn't remember what they were wearing. I also wished I hadn't wasted so much money on toys for them as they expected to get something every time we went out. I wished I knew what I know now, being more self-sufficient. Hopefully now I can pass on what I know now to my teenager boys and they take it with them. Thanks Rhonda.

  40. Hi Rhonda,
    Life has been crazy for us the last few months as I have moved out of family HOME of nearly ten years which we demolished in order to build a replacement. I thought long and hard about the decision to do this but at the end of the day our home was falling down around us. It was poorly extended and renovated over the years and would have cost me much more to try and "fix' it than it is to replace it. I'm still trying to do simple things like making my own soap & laundry liquid, cooking from scratch and using bicarb and vinegar to clean. Money is tight and these things are helping our budget! I will say though that I miss my HOME - the house I am renting is not my taste and I'm unable to hang anything on the walls. I look forward to my new HOME (not just a house) so I can put my touches on it. Sorry if I rambled a bit!
    Lis xx

  41. Hi Rhonda

    An interesting thought to share with you too and made me feel very proud as a Mother. My daughter (18) was saying today she can't believe that all her friends live from pay to pay. She was planning a trip to the city with her girlfriends but they couldn't go till they got paid. She was really surprised that her friends live this way (they all live at home like she does and are all in tertiary studies like her and all work part-time). I asked her if she was glad that I had taught her to save and not to spend everything and she said "yes I am glad you brought me up like that". I have to admit it was one lesson I learnt from my parents and passed on to them. If you don't have the money to buy it then save up for it. I wish more children/teens had this wisdom instilled by their parents.
    Lis xx

  42. Thanks for the pick-me-up today, Rhonda! I spent all day yesterday in the kitchen making yoghurt, granola, "healthy" bars (like protein bars), and starting beans for our burritos tonight. Today is tortillas and the rest of the beans, but I was sitting here in front of the computer like a lump on a bump. I have a lot of work to do (I've spent that last year "cocooning" and trying to find a direction), but now I have a new aim: "Making my home a haven!" I'm sure my husband and 3 kiddos will appreciate that daily. Thanks for such a gentle reminder that what I do here is so important!

  43. Oh Rhonda, what an amazing post. This is exactly how I think, I am a stay at home mummy with a 3 1/2 and 2 year olds. To be honest I have really struggled staying at home but I am finally realising my place is here as I can see that although we don't have much our children are growing up amazingly, learning to make, bake and grow with us and are an absolute delight.
    I wish I could share this with other mums and would love to grow my blog and following as you have, so that people know that I have chosen, in my twenties to live this good life and others may be encouraged to do the same.

  44. A simple life is such a blessing in so many ways; you are so right, Rhonda! As we strive to raise our large family on a farm we enjoy family closeness. We eat meals and hear the children say, "we grew this" or "Mama made this." What a lovely feeling. Yes, children do thrive, indeed! Do we have the newest, latest, and greatest? We don't know (smile) because we are too busy doing our "own thing" to notice!

  45. I LOVE this post! I have read it twice & parts of it even more! I,too, have my wishes of what I had done differently. Good to know it isn't too late to make changes. Thanks Rhonda for a wise & timely post!
    Maria M

  46. I wish...
    That I had really pushed to make it a complete lifestyle at a much earlier age. I always dabbled in the more extreme ways to be frugal because it was so hard to get my husband "on board". We have always lived frugally but not well; we could have had a better life all along if I had worked to get us more entrenched in self-sufficiency. However, I didn't think it was fair for me to put so much effort into it without him doing and equal part/sacrifice. How silly of me. After many years, he has finally caught a glimpse of the vision but it is too little too late.

    Now, we are in our mid 50s and his health took a sudden downturn and he is unable to work a regular job. I am now the bread winner and I have even less time to do things around the home I would like. If I had made it all common practice and created an infrastructure to support it he could keep most of it going with added help from me when I could. Oh the hind-sight maturity brings!

    I encourage younger folk to do their best to live and create a frugal, independent household even if your mate is not as enthusiastic. You be the one willing to make sacrifices and put out the extra effort. By your success, he/she will be won over eventually and join you in the vision!

  47. Well written and so true!! But for us all, this life is a journey and with lessons to be learned all along it. We are 60 and 62 and now downsizing drastically. Because we know that how we live from now on must be very small. We cannot afford to own a home in any location that we find inticing. So we are either living in a small apt someplace or we are going to live as full time RVers. RV life appeals to us very much, even though we will not be producing too much...still I do plan to keep my sewing machine and use it right along (and continue developing GF recipes). Neither of us enjoy yardwork. And with allergies, it is too difficult. Hubby is retiring very soon. We do not know where we are headed exactly, but we feel it will be ok. I do admire how you live. But for us a different path of sorts is needful. With our children spread on both coasts, traveling between them this way should enable us to see them still. We will live as simply as we can, of course, in all the ways we can. So at least you made the changes you did sooner than we have...so do not feel too badly. (We have always lived more simply than those around us, but not to the point you have achieved, which I admire).
    Elizabeth in NC

  48. Although we have been into simplicity and frugality etc since day one I don't think it is too later for anyone to jump in and live the life. As you have said Rhonda it is how You want to live this life. Not how others say they do but what you want. So if you can only ever do what you feel are your step one to 3 then live that life. If you have the health and wants to go further keep going till you do find your resting place...if you ever do...to stop learning and doing more. Don't think life has passed you by in this regard. Don't regret putting your own life into your own life. :) Go for it! I will admit that somethings like fence building and such are easier when you are younger. If they need done past that time you can ether do it slower if possible or hire or barter it being made. Think outside the box when possible. I am so encouraged anew when I read all the comments from so many others on this journey. With Rhonda and Hanno as two of our pied pipers helping to lead the way we will all be on our journey home. Sarah

  49. What a beautiful post. I kept thinking back to the article you shared, "The 5 Regrets of Dying", as I read it. I do feel lucky that I've changed my life at such a young age and while my kids are young. It feels so good to get consigned clothes and know that resources aren't being wasted to make new ones. It helps to save money for more important things like family vacations or education, etc. It reminds me of the best financial advice I've heard in a long time ~ invest in experiences not material possessions. It's such good advice. Anyway, I could keep on talking for days but I've written you a novel enough. So happy to have found your blog recently. There are so few like-minded people in my "real life"....I'm grateful for the blogosphere to meet others who think like me. Thanks for sharing!

  50. Once again Rhonda...a post beautifully written and as inspirational as always.

  51. Lots of misconceptions, I suppose. I'm new to this blog and obviously don't know enough about you. I was thinking this is for young people starting out! That you started when you were young.

    I keep seeing the chickens in your side bar. My mom (aged 91) wants chickens. We can have 3 in the city, but all I can think about is that I have never had chickens (I'm city born and bred) and I really don't want that kind of extra work -- and it would have to be taking care of them. Maybe 30 or 40 years ago. Other things I've read as I skimmed through some older posts, I'm in total agreement with and have either already done without really seeing it as that much of a change, if any change at all, or am not thinking about how I can implement them.

    As for what I might have done when I was younger... well, the past is past.

  52. When I wrote a comment earlier I was thinking of what another said in comments of changing their life and it may be too late now. Sorry,.. what the original post was to preferably not wait till older but start as early as possible. If you want to start on anything taking baby steps helps you get into the habit. Out of necessity when we started out we automatically bought used and watched every penny. This and it was in our nature as we had grown up with parents that lived like this. Each new skill takes a while to feel comfortable doing and to become just a part of your everyday life. Naturally then the earlier you start the easier it gets. Also the earlier you start the benefits will start adding up. Not just the benefits in monitory things but the benefits in peace of mind plus many other pluses. Just add one skill to another as that comes to mind as Rhonda says.Remember we were just starting out when we started too. Soon you will have many life skills under your belt and are way on our way to a more independent life. I have never heard of any one who regretted doing this. Sarah

  53. We have been frugal and saved for some time but it's time to get into debt again. We're going on an adventure around Oz. No way could we afford it without debt. Surely sometimes adventures must be embraced and life lived to the fullest. Yes I agree with a making home, but I also agree with living outside the box every now and then.

  54. Brilliant post and so well expressed.

  55. Thank you Rhonda, with your helpful advice and sharing of knowlege and skills you have learn't, it has made me think more about what I can do myself to reduce our costs. Your blog is helping people to think for themselves and do things for ourselves. Ever since I started stockpiling foods and making detergent, I no longer run out of food or cleaning products as I can always make more.

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