When do you step away and say, that's it for today?

During the week I had a question from a young woman, Ms J, asking: As with all of us life tends to increase its demands at different times, whether it be work, additional family members, sickness etc. I was wondering at times like that, what chores do you tend to leave for when things settle down again?

Well Ms J, you're right. I doubt there is anyone who can say everything goes smoothly, every day. It might be something unexpected, like a family member being sick, it might be extra paid work, or it could just be that I just don't feel I have the energy to do the work I need to do.  When there is a spanner in the works, the first thing that goes out of my routine is making bread, and I buy bread from our local baker. I tend to drop the easy things that take up time - I don't water the garden, sweep the floor or make dinner. But it's easy for me because there's no one here to complain, except Hanno, and he doesn't.

Most things work themselves out. I just have to sweep more and water more the following day, but not making dinner tends to pose a problem. Usually I have a homemade frozen meal lurking in the freezer or I'll just whip up some herby scrambled eggs and toast. That fills the gaps.

Now I'm older with no children to look after I don't have a regular schedule for my household chores. I don't vacuum on Mondays or wash on Wednesdays. I don't set aside a specific time to tidy up. I generally do things when they need doing and when I feel like doing them. But I know Ms J, that you have small children and I'm pretty sure you'd have to do chores when you don't feel like it. I did when I had a young family.

There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to household chores - we should all do what works for us. The trick is to feel no guilt about leaving work undone occasionally. We all know that housework never ends, so if it's not finished, what's the problem? I wrote a post about that same subject, good lord, seven years ago! It might help explain how I go about leaving work undone with the blissful lack of guilt I wear like a cloak of honour. I'll add this one about organising housework too for good measure.

There are many differences between house work and paid work but I think the biggest difference is that when you go out to work, you can choose (or have chosen for you) a finishing time when you can walk away and go home. You know your work has finished for the day. You've been given permission to stop. You don't have that option as a homemaker. There will always be work to do, you know that, your partner knows it and probably even the kids know it. So you have to make the decision when to draw your own line. When do you step away and say, that's it for today. And how do you feel good about doing it?

It wasn't always so clear cut for me. In the beginning I struggled with knowing when enough was enough. I felt guilty about sitting down and having a cup of tea. When I started working in my home full time, I had to rethink a lot of the expectations I had of myself and those my family had of me too. I wanted my days to be meaningful and satisfying, and that didn't involve working like a robot. Now when I stop work, I feel satisfied with the work I've done and I know that it's okay to walk away. I know work at home is not one solid block of unrelenting work. It is up to me to find a balance, to find enjoyment in the work and meaning in my days. I have to establish healthy boundaries for myself, so I won't feel resentful about the work I do in my home. And if part of that is walking away, even though there is still work to be done, then that is what I do.  It was not an easy transition going from a busy-must-get-this-done kind of homemaker to a more relaxed one. Like all processes, it was one step at a time until I felt right about where I was. And I was surprised along the way that my more relaxed approach still got jobs done. A new start every day and an end point too, because housework never ends.

So, what chores to you tend to leave when things are hectic or when you don't have the time and energy to do what you normally do?