We are better than this

When I was 17 or 18 and started going into the city to have fun with my friends, I clearly remember my mother lying awake waiting for me to come home. She would say: I can smell smoke, have you been smoking?  No mum. I was in a room where people were smoking. Where have you been? King's Cross/Darlinghurst/the city/a party. Then she would tell me every time: They will cut your throat for nothing there. They charge you sixpence everywhere else. It was her attempt to gently warn me of the dangers lurking in the Sydney of my youth. You all know my age. I'll be 65 next April so I'm talking about the mid to late 1960s. Sydney was different then. I felt safe wandering around at night and coming home late on the train; most women did. I would never do it now. I progressed through my childhood and teenage years without knowing anyone who was a victim of violent crime. There were no break-ins where we lived and we didn't hear of any gangs except "crime gangs", sometimes we read in the newspaper about a murder.

I'm not going to white-wash those times, I don't have my head in the sand, there were violent crimes happening then. Two I remember were the Graham Thorne kidnapping and murder and the girls who were killed at Wanda beach. I remember them to this day because it was unusual for children to be killed then. Men would kill each other, men sometimes killed their wives, but kids? No, they were, for the most part, out of the scope of random and senseless killings.

Just this past weekend, two boys on the Gold Coast were robbed of their skateboards and one had his throat slashed. Close to my home, two alpacas were bludgeoned to death with an iron bar. Just recently a young woman walking home from a club in Melbourne was abducted, raped and murdered. I could go on and cite more cases of violence and a quick look in your local newspaper might reveal a similar situation where you live.

I guess you're wondering why on earth I'm writing about this. 

I believe we are all partly to blame for the violent times we live in now. I know I shoulder some of the blame, not because I took part in it, but because I didn't stand up before now and say something. I think we all should do that.  We, as a society, have stood by while more people were murdered, more children abused, more women raped. I have complained about it to friends and family but I have never said anything to my local member of parliament and I've never written about my concerns publicly.

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. ~ Edmund Burke

Civility, respect and responsibility need to be a big part of what we teach our children, and more importantly, what we model for them. Grace seems to have disappeared from our lives and we need her to return.  We're desensitising our children by allowing them to "entertain" themselves with violent computer games. I think we have desensitised ourselves into believing, for the sake of convenience, they do no real harm. I have no doubt that the daily happenings we are surrounded by - TV news and the continuous reports of violent crimes, computer games, the bullying and hatred on Facebook and Twitter, are making us believe that crimes of violence, and computer games that reflect them, are inevitable and it's just how things are now. And yes, it is how things are now but it has descended to this in my lifetime. I hope we can get back to a more civilised society before I die because I don't want my family to live like this and I don't want yours to either.

We are better than this.

I remember writing about how Hanno and I bought chooks for our boys when they were young - chooks were their first pets. We used the chickens to teach our sons gentleness, responsibility, respect and trust. Those chickens helped them incorporate common sense into their daily lives and build self-confidence. I thought then that girls did not have to be taught how to be gentle; I thought it was part of a girl's nature. Sadly, I don't believe that now. I look at some girls and women around me and they're as tough and brutal as some of the men.

This is a problem that effects all of us; it's not just about children, violence, abuse or cruelty. We have to stop living as if it doesn't matter that this is now "normal". Like almost everything, it has to start with us. We are the only ones we can change, we have to step up and be better roles models - all the time, not just when it suits us. But we also have to talk to our politicians and the media, and blog about it, to get the message across that this is a major problem. We have to talk to our friends and neighbours about it and give it a much higher profile. We have to show that we want change and that we've stopped ignoring the problem and accepting it as part of how we live now.

What are your thoughts on this?