25 November 2010

The division of work in the home

This is a tough one. How do you decide who will do what in the home. If you're a retired couple like we are, the division tends to take care of itself. Here we do what we enjoy doing - I work in the house and generally Hanno works outside. We are having a slight variation on this right now though because I'm writing most of the day and we don't have much of a garden to tend, so Hanno does various things like washing clothes and vacuuming. I am still baking bread and cooking the meals, making the bed and those sorts of things, but Hanno is helping out a lot by doing what he can during the day while I'm tapping away on the keyboard.

But what happens when you're a working couple, or one person works outside the home and the other works at home with the children? How do you then divide up the housework, house maintenance and yard work? I have no magic solution to this, but I know it's a problem for many people, so I'm hoping you will contribute to the discussion so we might all be a bit wiser about it.

It's complicated when time is an issue. If your time is consumed by paid work, children, the garden, pets or family, AND house and yard work, when do you get a break? If you tell your partner to take a break while you're still working, do you feel outright resentment, or feel it building up? It's great if this issue takes care of itself by you liking to do certain tasks and your partner liking the opposite tasks, but that is rarely the case; usually no one wants to change the cat litter or clean the toilet.

So what can you do when that happens? I think you need to sit down calmly and talk about it when you're both fresh and not tired after a day of work, or on the verge of an argument. And first thing on the list should be to agree not to argue about work. It's not worth it. You both want a clean and ordered home, you both want to relax in a place you feel comfortable in, so you both need to come up with the solution that will work for both of you.

One way that would work for some would be to list the various chores that need to be done during the coming week. Then, with each of you having your own coloured pen, take it in turns to tick one task at a time. Change who starts each week. When you get to the end, that's your work list for the week. Make sure you do the important tasks like laundry, cooking, shopping and cleaning first, the lesser tasks don't matter so much. And please, make sure you have time to be together as well and make sure you've got a mutual goal you're both working for and talk about. That can make the hard times easier to cope with. You don't want your life to be a drudgery but if you want to pay off your debt or are working towards building a life with your partner, there will be no way around it, you'll be working hard. But remember, this stage will not last forever. There will come a time when you sit back and enjoy the rewards this hard work will bring.

I have found the periods of difficulty and working hard the most challenging and the most rewarding. I look back now and realise those times of working through challenges have strengthened my relationship with Hanno. Tough times can make or break marriages. If you're one of the lucky ones, some day you'll look back on a long marriage and recognise that you grew together as a couple, not just because you loved each other, but because of the tough times you shared.

So tell me, how do you divide the work load? I, and I'm sure a lot of others, are hoping for some innovative and workable ideas.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends. I hope you have a wonderful day full of family, friends and feasting.


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33 comments

  1. I was a SATM, am now a homemaker. When my DH retired he took the outside work, most of the grocery shopping, some of the dish washing and he takes care of the trash. I take care most of the house cleaning, the meals and the "hard computer work" and consider myself lucky :).
    Gerry

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  2. First off, thank you Rhonda for the Thanksgiving wishes. We are hosting dinner tomorrow for his family and I am happy about that. I love cooking a good Turkey dinner.
    Now onto the household chores. Since both of us have grown children not livng with us, it is just us two. Me 48 - he 55. We both work fulltime and he a lot of overtime to make ends meet...shame...but that is how it is. The housework just seems to fall into place with the two of us. He ALWAYS cleans the bathroom since he knows that is my LEAST favorite chore and he takes care of the yard work except I do the gardening cause it is my love. I usually do the cooking and washing of dishes...he puts the dishes away when dry. We share the vacuum duties...and dusting. I prefer to do the laundry because he isn't big on sorting whites from darks etc and it causes some friction...lol. If I am running late for work, he may make the bed or whoever sees it needs to be done first just does it. We are a pretty good team and respect each other and I don't know...maybe because we are older it just seems to work that way? I have NO complaints on the sharing of the household chores in our home.

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  3. ... well, since you asked!

    My partner and I basically do what we want to do around the house, and it seems that everything ends up getting done. Some times there are things that neither of us wants to do, and it turns out it's not so important after all. Other times, it's like a race to see who gets disgusted first and cleans it. But when that happens, I don't really feel resentful towards her (and I don't think she does towards me either). I know that different people have different standards of cleanliness when it comes to different things, and I think that accepting that is one of the privileges of living with someone. For example, she always puts the empty containers on the counter, instead of putting them in the recycling bin, and then when I come along with a piece of recycling, I usually end up being the one who puts "her" recycling away. But whatever... the idea is to enjoy living with her, not try to mold her to live exactly as I would live if I was by myself. I always say, "If I wanted to live by myself, I wouldn't live with you!"

    If there is an issue that I want to approach her about, I usually do it in a joking manner. Like I'll say, "Could you please just stuff that piece of trash on top of the bin instead of emptying the bag?" And she'll say, "Yes, absolutely, in fact, that's just what I was going to do," and I'll say, "Oh, I thought so." It's hard to explain how it isn't passive-aggressive, but there's no resentment from either of us. I'm just gently expressing my sentiment, in a funny way, and she ignores it in the moment, which makes it a big joke, but I think ultimately, she internalizes the sentiment, and maybe it affects her decisions in the future.

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  4. Like you, I do most things inside while my husband does outside chores. I'm a SAHM/freelance editor, he works full time outside the home. Our veggie and herb garden is my responsibility because I'm the one that wanted it. Same with the compost. And I'm okay with that, because I knew it going in.

    My husband will pitch in with folding laundry or making dinner if I've had a busy day or I'm running behind for some reason, but for the most part I try to get that stuff taken care of. I will say that I have no qualms about asking him to hang out with our 2 yo daughter so I can finish getting dinner ready or whatever--they need quality time together, and mama needs a break. He also does a large part of her bedtime routine, which is an enormous help.

    Basically, we try to balance things out and not get nitpicky--sure, he usually takes out the trash, but if it needs done and he's busy, I'll do it and it's not a problem. The only times I really find myself resentful are weekends when he goes off fishing or something, leaving me with a tearful child who wanted to go with daddy--I don't mind the house stuff at all, but an occasional break from childcare would be awesome, because as much as I adore my daughter, she can be tiring. :)

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  5. Yes, it is a tough one Rhonda. My husband and I worked out our work load now but it took a long time to get here. At the end, we naturally took jobs that we are better at. My husband cooks dinner and I do dishes. It's not that I cannot cook or anything, he just does it quick, fast and tasty. Chopping up veggies seems working for reducing his stress too :) As a typical male, he makes lots of mess in the kitchen, (sometimes I have to wonder how he can make that much mess!) but that's my job to clean up and I do most of other daily housework. For the things no one wants to do, like cleaning up pets droppings (usually my job), I managed to add the job in my daily routine. In that way I finish the job almost automatically everyday. The daily routine method works for me because I don't feel the job is a big job, I prefer to do a little more often than a big job waiting for me on the weekend. Each night we make sure that we spend time together after dinner, watching TV or reading together then talk about the day. After that he spends his own time because I go to bed very early in the evening. I spend my own time in the morning since I wake up very early. On Friday night or Saturday morning, we talk about what needs to be done on the weekend, we plan the jobs and help each other to get them done. I usually need his help in the garden for muscle jobs. Yes, time is an issue. Listing up the jobs helps to make the most of it but we learned that 'not everything needs to be perfect'. A bit of dust on the bench, cobwebs in the garage, they are not the end of the world. We will get them cleaned when we get there. Keeping our life balance is more important than having a spotless-clean, perfectly-organized house for us. Basically we talk about the jobs needs to be done and decide the workload. If none of us wants to do it, we do it together to make the job lighter.

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  6. I stay home with my 1 year old, and the husbandman works full time with some flexibility. Neither of us likes doing housework, but it still has to get done. During the week I do the laundry, he does the dishes. I pick up most of the toys, do the garbages, sweep, etc. All the basic maintenance but dishes. With dishes, DH will clean up the kitchen a bit, but not enough. We alternate on who does the catbox and the toilets.

    As for larger projects, we alternate weekends for doing them. 2 weeks ago DH did some repair work, last week I scrubbed down the bathrooms (impossible with a 1 year old). This weekend is holiday prep and DH's turn to unclog the bathroom sink.

    As for yardwork, we've hired someone to cut and trim twice a month, and I do all other warm weather yard chores. I care about the garden and enjoy it; DH adamantly does not. He shovels though.

    Overall our division works well for us. We're rather new at the simple life type stuff, and don't have qualms about throwing money at problems (see the lawn guy).

    Also, he does about 50% of the parenting he's capable of doing (outside of work, not breastfeeding). It's wonderful having an involved father in the picture! My daughter is super attached to us both, more so than many kids I know.

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  7. Hi there...an interesting post...I suppose we are not like most couples...We have a twenty something year old daughter with a disability...and we share the workload. Hubby is coming up for retirement...we are still doing bed time and bathtime...and I am so lucky that he can see what has to be done...We share the work...We will go into retirment still 'working' and doing bedtime and bathtime...Dzintra♥x

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  8. I am at home with my 2 girls, So I do most of the cleaning inside (although being pregnant with my 3rd daughter at the moment it's not as clean as it probably should be) and my hubby does the outside stuff. We worked out years ago that if you cook you shouldn't have to do the dishes, so I cook and my hubby gets to do the dishes. Also after our 1st child was born, I got my husband to do the bath and bedtime routine. this way he would have some special time to spend with the kids and they really enjoy this time with their dad.

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  9. Good morning Rhonda. Such an important topic for all of us but especially those negotiating tasks and time.

    In my household the two younger people (middle aged us) work outside the home as well as in. Mum (84) and Tom (69) are both retired.

    I run the house but there is a group effort for one hour on Mondays to do a general clean -- kitchen, bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming of wooden floors. Then it's maintenance and tidying during the week which i mainly do.

    Washing happens several days each week. Tom looks after his own, I do the rest. Mum brings in dried clothes, folds and/or irons.

    I menu plan and cook. Two people other than me clean up after meals.

    I maintain the grocery shopping list and Mum and Tom shop for that once a week. I shop for fresh food.

    Tony maintains the garden and the house with help from me when he needs me. He cooks once a week and gives a hand often.

    Ours is an unusual household but I think it shows the importance of dividing work.

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  10. This is one of my biggest issues. I am a WAHM (I knit for my online shop) while having 3 kids 5 and under and am 18 weeks pregnant. My husband is OCD about everything needing to be done before going to bed, and at least having things out of sight. Which is completely opposite of my line of thinking. I have kids to take care of, the housework is all supposed to be mine he thinks because he is gone working for 8 hours 5 times a week.
    Back to what I think in opposite than he does is that the kids are more important and that things get done before we run out (clean clothes, dishes washed etc) there's just SO much to get done in a day especially when I have to take the oldest to & from school every day. Plus I don't think something is clean if it's just put in a closet or thrown in a toy bin, it has to be actually CLEANED out not just put out of sight and wiped off.
    He does take care of the yard work thank goodness, takes the trash out most of the time, and handles the budget but that is it. I take care of the kids, cooking, schedule, groceries (which I have to fit in kids clothes and etc needs in the budget), finding knitting time to work for my store and the many other odd jobs a stay at home mom has. One night I will have to write out a list of regular chores just to see.. but I'm not sure I want to!

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  11. Great topic Rhonda...
    Both my husband and I work outside of the home and we are gone around 55+ hours a week. Hubby and I did a joint effort on housework up until about 6 months ago.
    We decided to pay someone to come and do the house work.
    We both however do share the out door duties with the gardening and maintaining etc
    At the end of the day if housework becomes too much of an effort, work out in $$$ how much your effort is worth and then pay someone else to do it....
    It keeps you sane!!!!

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  12. I'm a SAHM to two gorgeous little girls and two rather large dogs. My husband works fulltime, but still helps out with the housework. He does all the 'heavy' or repetitive work because I have a health problem and get tired easily. I do the light vacuuming, sorting/putting on the washing, refilling the dishwasher, dusting, cleaning the kitchen, do the mopping, helping the girls to pick up their toys and I deal with the chores that he's too squeamish for (yard-cleaning, dirty nappies, taking out and cleaning the bins). Hubby mows, vacuums the carpets, washes the carpets occasionally, hangs out endless loads of washing and empties the dishwasher. We changes the sheets, make the beds, clean the bathrooms, shop and fold the clothes together.
    I don't class my gardening as a chore, it's how I wind down. Neither of us class the girls as a chore, they're such good kids (for now at least).

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  13. Hi Rhonda, I'd like to start by saying I love your new color scheme. We're just starting winter here in Canada, so it is nice to see some spring-themed colors!

    In our house, it is just me (24) and my boyfriend (25), and we're both employed full-time. My fantastic boyfriend does 90% of the cooking, and most of the dishes too. (If for some reason he misses one of these jobs in a day, he feels terrible and begs me to leave the dishes for him). I'll tidy the counters of garbage, recycling and assorted miscellanea, and I most of the baking. Outside of the kitchen, I do most of the day-to-day tidying, and the laundry. I take care of the 'kids' (our cat and dog) by feeding them and cleaning up after them. If we have a big cleanup day, we lay out everything that needs to be done then we'll barter to try and get out of dishes or the bathroom (but they always gets done), and we just keep both working until everything is done, picking up the next chore when one is finished. My boyfriend works a wonky shift (4 days on, 4 days off, from 7pm to 7am, with an hour + of driving on each end of the shift) and I work a typical Monday to Friday, 8am to 4pm shift. So typically supper is done when I get home from work around 4:30, and we eat quick before my boyfriend leaves for work around 5 or 5:15. We try to grocery shop together, because he's really creative but I'm a picky eater, so tandem shopping works best.

    Everything always works out, and we very rarely get upset with each other when something doesn't get done. I don't hold a grudge for doing most of the day-to-day house tidying, and he doesn't hold a grudge for doing most of the kitchen work.

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  14. I had contemplated writing down individual chores down on notecards...and keeping them divided by days of the week...depending on what needs to be doen when...and how often..Haven't gotten to that point yet. However, my dad and I share an apartment, split all the expenses down the middle...We also split housework down the middle..It just seems to come natural.....although he tends to take care of the kitchen and I'll take more care of the bathrooms. Although I do have to say...since my dad lost his job, he's taken up more of the household chores...because I"m still working. He's a sweetheart!! Thanks for your always great and informative posts, Rhonda..Love and hugs from Oregon, Heather :)

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  15. A non sequitur comment, but I wanted to share an interesting blog post from a woman who is interested in economical home made school lunches under $2.00. Worth reading, I think.

    http://civileats.com/2010/11/24/budgeting-for-change/

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  16. Before I became a SAHM,I was the one who did all the inside chores and the hubby took care of all the outside jobs.My husband ended up getting a better job,but it does come with long hours and a six day work week.So when I became a SAHM two years ago I took over everything (except heavy weed wacking).I am at home everyday so doing regular tidying up and wiping down the bathroom and such jobs isn't a big deal because it's my job now.That's how I look at it.He is out working 14 hours a day to keep me home with my baby..and the soon to be new baby :)It is my job to keep the house clean,the yard cut,and food on the table.Along with clean,happy babies waiting for him to get home.He does the big jobs like..cut firewood and get it spilt and stacked,heavy weed wacking,and anything else that would be too much for me to handle.I like it this way,because like I said..it's my job now and it's been harder and more exhausting than any other job I have ever had...but it's so worth it :)

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  17. Before hubby and I married we talked about job division (and parenting roles). I was only working 3 days a week and we had no yard to care for at that time. For the first few years of our marriage though I never peeled a potato, changed sheets or vacuumed! I still don't put fresh sheets on the bed or make it daily - that's still hubby's domain.
    Now, he still works full time and I am home-ish full time with 3 children whom we home educate... and we have a HUGE yard... 3 hours to mow!
    He does all the outdoor work except growing things and a little bit of the fiddly weeding which I do. He helps out with indoor things as needed... usually once a week I'll for some help 'catching up'. I get time to myself quite easily and since our children go to bed at about 7pm, we have a couple of hours each evening for couple time to take advantage of a couple of times a week.
    Also, hubby takes all the children out of a Saturday morning after housework is up to date so I can have some headspace and planning time by myself. He also takes the children to visit his mum 2 weekends a year. An annual girls weekend is easy to organised because again, he'll always happily have all the children.

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  18. Hi Rhonda,

    Both of my husband and I are working and sometimes I have to stay back in the office due to my work commitment, and I am also studying at the moment.

    However, both of us do understand that we have to help each other. So for example - I am looking after for the cooking, gardening and cleaning (washing, ironing and vacuuming).

    And my husband will look after the "outside" work. He also helps me with clothes that need to be washed by hands, making the bed, preparing breakfast in the morning :D.

    It is very good and we never have problem at all with sharing our responsibilities.

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  19. This is a challenge for us as we both work from home. My hubby's business brings in the bulk of our income and we have 3 employees dependent on him earning. So that is his focus. Mon - Fri he can do nothing to help around the home.

    Sat and Sun he will do the hard labour if there is anything to be done, like making raised beds, fences etc - our elder son helps with that.

    I do all the cooking, maintenance, gardening etc and I homeschool our children.

    My children are an intigral part of the team and have many chores (inside and out) assigned to them.

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  20. Rhonda my husband and I have seemed to split up the household duties quite efficiently and in an opposite manner. He is disabled and is the stay at home househusband. I work outside the house. So he does most of the house duties and almost all the outside duties. I bring home a majority of the house funds and do the cooking. I also take care of the cat although he will feed him in the morning. I also run the vacuum. I plan the weekly menu and the grocery trips but he is right there with me at the store.
    The ugly house chores aka laundry we split. He will wash and lug to and from the laundry room and I do the folding and putting away.
    Our house is not perfectly kept but if we have people that drop in without notice we are not embarrassed to have you in.
    We also make sure that each day we have our personal and couple time. I have found that this is very important to my husband, he needs that couple time.

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  21. My motto is 'if you want it done, do it yourself'. Seems to work in our household, we each do whatever we feel like doing, I do mostly the 'womens' type of things and he does mostly the mens but there are no set rules and no arguments about anything and we're both happy. If something needs doing, one or other of us will get round to it at some stage. Life's too short to worry about division of workloads!

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  22. We're both in our early 30s and both work full time - and we share the chores pretty equally.

    We didn't have a sit down talk when we moved in together to plan things, it just worked out that way because of who we are - he didn't in any way expect me to do more than my fair share and I in no way felt inclined to!

    He does the washing up, I do the laundry. I feed the animals (dog, cats & chickens) & clean out the coop, he cleans out the cat litter tray. We share the general cleaning and tidying equally. He generally tidies the garden more than I do, but I am the lead grower and builder. He chops more wood for the stoves than I do, but I keep the kindling supplies stocked up. We share the grocery shopping & cooking equally - we're both have our own repertoire of meals. On the days I have a lighter work workload, I cook; when he does, he cooks. I tend to know more about how many rolls of toilet paper we have in the house or how much chicken feed, he tends to know how much petrol is in the car.

    I couldn't imagine being in a less equal relationship.

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  23. this is a really interesting topic for me. i have a chronic illness which severely limits what i can do and it frustrates me to death, because my tolerance level of 'it needs cleaning/tidying' is much lower than my husband's or my daughter's (aged 12), plus i'm at home all day looking at the state of the place. recently we worked out schedule where we focus on one room each day and then we each have a small job to do. for example, on thursdays it's the front room. i tidy up, my daughter dusts and mark hoovers. when we all do our jobs, the results are truly amazing and the house feels wonderful. however, life steps in and things don't always get done on that day, so i do need to monitor somewhat. it seems to me that the jobs are little enough so it doesn't make anyone feel like they have to do loads, but all three jobs together make a big difference to the house. this is very much an ongoing project here, but i feel positive about it :)

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  24. Thank you Rhonda for your blog which I always enjoy. Having said that I must make some comments re "the division of work in the home". Sometimes we need to see things from a very different perspective. Firstly, I have been widowed twice; secondly, I live very frugally on a Widows Allowance which is hardly more than the 'dole' as the Widows Pension no longer exists - I will be eligible for an old-age pension in 14 months - YAY; thirdly, I do all the work. This includes getting up on the roof to clear gutters and checking roofing nails, mowing, whipper-snipping, car washing, dog washing, house repairs generally, painting, tap washers, building cupboards etc. - then there are the indoor jobs as well as making bread by hand. Did I mention two fires, one in the lounge room and a wood stove in the kitchen - I also use a small chainsaw to retrieve wood in my trailer for these fires - oh and split the wood and carry inside! Just thoughts for people to think about.

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  25. Thanks Rhonda, always an interesting topic, and always fun to read how other people deal with it!

    It pretty much takes care of itself here (the division of labour, that is, not the housework sadly!). I do the garden, because I love to, and Peter very much doesn't. He fixes things (plenty of things break round here, it's an old house), because he enjoys it, and has the patience, and I don't.

    We're both pretty good about everyday things - cooking, washing up, washing, sweeping the kitchen etc. I do more of the hoovering/dusting type things, because I notice, and he doesn't. I also tend to swish round the bathroom.

    Decorating we count as work in the home too - an ongoing project because we don't have much money, so things get done a little at a time. Often it's me who'll get frustrated at something not being finished, so I'll start, and he'll join in and we'll finish together.

    I think it really depends what each of you enjoys and can tolerate, and prioritises. We don't have a spotless house, but it's comfortable, and we're happy to have people drop in any time. Sometimes i'd like less *stuff*, but a lot of it's not mine, and as Joshua says so wisely, 'if I wanted to live by myself, I wouldn't live with you!' (what a lovely sentiment!).

    It also depends on other activities too. I'll be working full time in the new year, so that might cut down on what I do, and Peter will step in a little, especially with cooking etc.

    I consider myself lucky too!
    xx

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  26. Hi Rhonda.
    My husband works shift work and I stay at home running the house as well as looking after our 4 year old. We have never really had the discussion of who should do what. It just sorted itself out. I do most of the inside work as well as care for the gardens. My husband does the lawns and heavy work outside as well as maintaining our 2 cars. He will also wipe the dishes and various other tasks inside if he thinks I am in a flap! Lol!
    I am proud of my role as a homemaker in our little home and I have now taken on the task from next year homeschooling our daughter which I am very excited about.
    Another adventure for us.
    God is good.
    Melissa

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  27. We had a lovely Thanksgiving,thank you Rhonda for your good wishes!

    Both my hubby and I stay at home-he is a disabled Iraq vet and I am a homemaker. Usually he takes care of the outside chores such as feeding the chickens and turkeys and cleaning out the pens,woodsplitting,stacking,etc. I am usually the house keeper and gardener. We do work side by side though-I split wood with the woodsplitter,stack wood,mow the lawn,rake the leaves,build the square foot gardening boxes,and help build the pens,and he will wash dishes,cook,do laundry and sweep. I find that I enjoy working side by side with him very rewarding and gives us an even greater sense of partnership.

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  28. My husband and I have four small children and will have another in April. I stay home to care for the house and children and he works. He is gone for 13 hours 5 days per week. He works hard physical labor outside (and we live in a very hot and humid climate). Because he works so tirelessly to provide for us, I am happy to take care of most of the household chores. I do the cooking and the laundry. The children work alongside me to clean the house. They make their own beds and clean up their own messes. My older daughter began cleaning the bathroom at age 5. I give her a clean rag and a spray bottle of vinegar cleaner. She does a decent job. My son began helping me with laundry at age 2. He pushes baskets of laundry to the washer for me and helps me load them in the machine. My goal is to train the children to clean the house so that they will be capable adults. My secondary goal is to ease my burden of housework. A family should work together. If you help create the mess, you must help clean the mess!

    My husband does a share of housework. He takes out the trash and cares for the yard. We do not currently have a garden so yard work is minimal. My husband is willing to help me when it is needed, but I think it is important to do what I can.

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  29. Hi Rhonda, I've been reading your blog for a couple months now and find it completely inspiring!

    My husband and I are both in our 20s and we both work and go to college in the US. We have worked out a routine where we do the tasks that we each enjoy, and also the tasks that the other person hates. I feel like it makes me appreciate my husband even more when he "saves" me from the tasks I can't stand.

    In general this means I cook, do laundry, sweep, and tend plants in our garden. He does dishes, cleans the bathroom, and does the heavy labor around the house and in our vegetable garden.

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  30. We tend to divide household clean-up duties by who is working more and on the weeks when he's in the field training non-stop then all home duties are mine. When I wasn't working full-time I took on more of the home duties, and it's always been the case that if he gets an extended weekend and I'm still working then he'll pick up on his household duties. Usually I'm responsible for most cleaning, trash/recycling, laundry (although he does a load or 2 every other week), and dog care. Hub does the cooking, basic home repairs as needed, electronic/techno stuff, and changes the oil/rotates tires on the cars. I hate grocery shopping so usually that's something we do together and we split the payment of bills via our separate accounts. Where we are living now, a crew mows the lawn and I maintained the container garden we had. When we move back to Oregon and our schedules change again, I'm sure our household responsibilities will again change. I think that's part of the key--being honest when you need the other to help out more and also being flexible....

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  31. hey rhonda ... i'll take that u.s. $10, you don't need it there! lol. ;-)

    great posts lately. loved the one about line drying laundry! it's becoming sadly so taboo here stateside. we are nuts.

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