Lists and routines - be flexible

I have written in the past about how trying to be perfect holds you back rather than helps you. Life as we live it is a changeable feast and what works one day, sometimes fails to work the next. I had an email a couple of weeks ago from a reader who have is having trouble coping with this flexible approach and it's making her life more difficult than it needs to be. Emily wrote that she read what I'd written about writing down what she wanted her life to look like and the ways she could go about realising that life. She wrote up a set of rules for herself as a guide. Her rules included "buy organic food" and "make green cleaners" as well as others, but those two in particular are giving her grief.  She couldn't do those two things every time she wanted to and it was making her feel guilty and lazy (her words, not mine).

I think Emily's approach to changing her life is commendable. She's committed, focused and determined for it to work but it seems to me that she's set herself up for failure by not being flexible enough. What happens in our daily lives is not set in stone. You don't have to make decisions that  never change. Living a simple life is organic and ever-changing. Life is complicated at times and sometimes those complications clash with lists and plans.

I suggested to Emily that instead of having "buy organic food" on her list, she should write down, "when my budget allows, buy organic food". Instead of "make green cleaners" I asked her to write down "put aside one Saturday afternoon every three months to make green cleaners". It won't take an entire afternoon but she should give herself time so she's not rushed and she has time to write down any changes she makes and to have a cup of tea when she's finished.

We're not in the army. We have no strict rules to go by and while it's wonderful and helpful to write down your goals, remember that you're human and sometimes things don't go according to plan. So when you're writing your lists, be flexible and soften your bullet points. This is supposed to be enjoyable, not a way of causing guilt and extra pressure. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Look for the pleasure in the ordinary things that surround you. Take the time to enjoy what you do. And if you don't have the time to do one of the things on your list, that's fine, tell yourself it is and that you'll do it tomorrow. When you're out in the world either shopping, working or driving around, there are hundreds of rules you have to abide by. The rules of the road, the social rules of personal space and courtesy, you don't steal from the shops you go to, you silently respect those around you. The rules are endless. One of the many pleasures of being at home is that the only rules that apply are those you and your family make. Make your lists but be flexible.

One of the things that works well for me is to make a daily list. I usually write it when I'm writing this blog in the early morning. I jot down things I need to do and want to do during the day - the most important ones at the top, less important at the bottom. As I work through the day, I cross them off and if I get to the end of the day, or to the end of my strength, with something on the list still undone, I write up tomorrow's list and it's on the top of that. Sometimes I regret not doing that one thing but most of the time I just know that it's the way things are and no amount of guilt, regret, sadness or anger will change what is.