On the weekend, I received a message from a reader, "Emma", who is about to leave paid work and will stay at home to manage the family. This is some of what she had to say:
"I was just wondering how you plan your days (if you do at all). My partner and I have decided that I will cease work out of the home this year and manage our little family! I just feel a bit lost and overwhelmed with what to do each day to keep the house/garden and hobbies ticking over. I know it will be different for everyone but just seeking some guidance as I enter this more simple phase of life."
Before I go on, I'd like to congratulate Emma on making such a big life change. It'll be difficult at times but very rewarding. I hope the suggestions given below will also help others who have been stood down at work and will be at home for the next six months due to the coronavirus crisis.
There is a common understanding in contemporary Australia that it’s financially wise for couples to work. While I believe that is true when there are no children, I don’t believe it’s true for all couples with young children. When you add up the real cost of having both parents in the workforce, taking into account child care costs, grooming, clothes, shoes and transport, it’s often financially sound to have one parent at home. And when I say “parent” I mean either the mother or the father. The partner who can earn the most money, for the least expense and the shortest time away from home, should be the one who goes out to work. If both parents earn a similar amount, the one who wants to work should.
"I was just wondering how you plan your days (if you do at all). My partner and I have decided that I will cease work out of the home this year and manage our little family! I just feel a bit lost and overwhelmed with what to do each day to keep the house/garden and hobbies ticking over. I know it will be different for everyone but just seeking some guidance as I enter this more simple phase of life."
Before I go on, I'd like to congratulate Emma on making such a big life change. It'll be difficult at times but very rewarding. I hope the suggestions given below will also help others who have been stood down at work and will be at home for the next six months due to the coronavirus crisis.
There is a common understanding in contemporary Australia that it’s financially wise for couples to work. While I believe that is true when there are no children, I don’t believe it’s true for all couples with young children. When you add up the real cost of having both parents in the workforce, taking into account child care costs, grooming, clothes, shoes and transport, it’s often financially sound to have one parent at home. And when I say “parent” I mean either the mother or the father. The partner who can earn the most money, for the least expense and the shortest time away from home, should be the one who goes out to work. If both parents earn a similar amount, the one who wants to work should.
Even though you'll move from two incomes to one, both of you will have a job. One will go out and earn the money you need to buy what you need and have a roof over your head, the other job is to effectively manage the home and family. Both jobs are equally important. If you are the stay at home worker, you will be taking control of the family money and it will be your job to buy everything you need to stay happy and healthy on a budget, you will pay the bills, on time, now and every month, you will make important choices every day about what your family consumes and it will be your job to stretch every penny until it hurts. When I first started living this way, I thought of my home as a small business. I had a budget, goals and responsibilities and I had to work to make sure everyone had what they needed. Emma, if your at-home and paid job combine and you both work as a team with your partner, you could create a beautiful, slow and simple life.
Backyard eggs, zucchini, onions with fried potatoes and chilli jam.
One of the most helpful things you can do is to work to a routine that suits you. I think it's better to use the "before 9am" or "before lunch" type of routine. Doing that you give yourself a couple of hours to do a few things instead of having breakfast at 7 and cleaning the kitchen benches at 9. Of course, a lot will depend on the age of your children but as they grow, the more time you'll have. The following is a general example of basic routines that you can adjust to suit how you work and your workload.
DAILY
- Get up at 6 am - get dressed, let the animals out, feed the chickens and make a cup of tea. Make breakfast and a work lunch for your partner. Make the bed.
- Before 9 am - get the kids up and dressed, make breakfast for everyone. Talk to the kids about what they'll be doing that morning. Organise them with books or toys while you tidy the kitchen, pack the dishwasher, wipe down the stove and benches. Make bread and have that on the rise before 9am.
- Before lunch - bake bread, decide what you'll cook for dinner, make any snacks needed (biscuits, cake, cut-up fruit etc), make the kids beds and teach them to do it as they get older, do a quick cleanup of the bathrooms.
- After lunch - naps, playtime, gardening, hobbies, playing outdoors and preparing dinner. Don't forget to use your slow cooker and cook two meals at once so you cut down on your cooking time.
- Try to do as much as you can the night before for breakfast, lunch and dinner the following day.
- Always clean the kitchen and pack the dishwasher after dinner. Leave the kitchen as you would like to find it in the morning.
WEEKLY
- The day before you do your shopping, check out the fridge, freezer and garden then create your shopping list.
- Once a week or fortnight you'll need to shop for groceries. You either do this in your "Before lunch" timeslot or wait until your partner comes home, do it after dinner or on the weekend so you don't have to take the kids.
- If you're building a stockpile cupboard, read my posts on stockpiling and look for bargains every time you shop. Ideally, your stockpile will be made up of about 80 percent goods you got on special
One of the early things I did that was very helpful was to make up a normal week's shopping list, then go through that list and make a second list of the things I could make at home. My second list contained bread, yoghurt, cheese, crackers, biscuits, cakes, jams, sauces, dressings, spice mixes, drinks, cleaners, laundry liquid etc. For second list foods, you'll need to buy ingredients, not products. All these years later I reckon I've saved a lot of money doing those things and we're healthier because of it. We consume few preservatives here and we live with fewer chemicals than we used to. There are recipes for all these things on my blog, use the search engine in the sidebar to find them.
Work out how often you have to do the washing. This might be everyday, three times a week or once a week. The washing can be put on to soak overnight, can wash overnight so it's ready to hang out in you "Get up at 6am" timeslot.
MONTHLY or WEEKENDS
- Clean outdoor areas
- Clean chicken coop
- Turn compost
HALF YEARLY
- Clean gutters
- Clean solar panels
- Clean windows
- Check for spider webs
- Clean ceiling fans and airconditioners
YEARLY
- Check all your insurances, phone, internet, electricity, water bills and do some research. Find out if there are better deals, then ring your supplier, say you don't want to leave them but you're on a strict budget, then ask for a better deal. We do this every year in a polite and business-like way and it's saved us hundreds of dollars.
- Etc ...
The examples above are meant as a guide only. You should work according to how old your children are, for example, babies and toddlers need more of your time than a 5-year-old does. Be realistic when you create your routines. It's okay to leave work you can't do and ask for help from your partner. Remember, housework never ends, so when you've had enough, walk away. It will be there waiting for you tomorrow. And be kind to yourself - take 15 minutes out for a cuppa or just to zone out at the kitchen table. Maybe you want to take the kids for a walk to the park and if that will keep you happy, do it.
This is an interesting and significant job. It's not just housework, it's managing your life and creating a safe haven for your family. You can improve your cooking and baking skills, learn to sew, mend, crochet and knit. Instead of buying new curtains or dishcloths, make them. Gone are the days when you'll clean with spray and wipe chemicals, in your home cleaning is done in a gentler way. You'll be cutting up old sheets for cleaning rags, sewing on buttons, repairing rips and generally making everything last longer. There are recipes for cleaners and patterns for dishcloths here on my blog, just use the search engine on the sidebar to find them.
If you've never taken control of your home before it will be very liberating and exciting. Despite what your friends say, you won't be bored because your days will be filled with a purpose - to make your home comfortable and warm, to teach yourself life skills and to show your children, by example, that this is what real life is.
Here is a short list of some of the things you might want to do in the first few months:
- Create a workable budget that is set in stone.
- Save an emergency fund.
- Change your home to better suit you and the way you work.
- Monitor your water, electricity and gas usage.
- Get better deals on your regular bills such as insurances, internet, phone.
- Declutter and sell the excess - money made goes towards the emergency fund or savings.
- Set up a pantry and stockpile.
- Cook from scratch.
- Learn to bake and preserve.
- Grow some food.
- Start composting.
- Reduce the amount of waste you generate.
- Give more and expect less.
- Develop a habit of kindness.
There are so many things to do when you live a more simple life, you'll never get through all of them in one lifetime. But the most important thing to remember is to live your life, not mine, not your best friend's or your parents' lives, live your life. We're all so different, we're different ages, we have different types of families, different aspirations, values, incomes, needs and desires. So go slowly, work hard, identify what you want and how to get it. Try to build a life that recognises and celebrates happiness. By taking the small steps over many years, you'll build yourself a mighty fine life and I hope that on your dying day, you'll be proud of what you managed to achieve.
Teach your children as much as you can while they're growing up. One of the biggest gifts you can give your children is to love them and your partner, and show them that your family and your life make you happy. As you get older you'll go through a lot of life stages so don't be afraid to change as you need to. Just keep in mind your simple values and work out ways to remain productive for as long as you can. This is an enriching and significant way to live and it will change you like nothing else can. Good luck.
