We have been delighting in that wonderful, relaxed time before the real business of the year starts in ernest. We had enough food to keep us going, there were no deadlines looming - well, I had one, but it was under control, and our days have been our own to do what we please. I've been making lists of ideas and projects for the year, I think Hanno did the same, although his big project is still the chook house which he's making bigger. More on that when it's finished.

Time has been elastic - expanding and contracting to suit our purpose, some days it was completely irrelevant. But this week, school returns and the summer holidays are over. Real life is back. I have made a promise to myself to enjoy as much as I can this year and to make the most of every day. Overall, I'm optimistic and excited about the year ahead. I hope you are too because at this early stage it could be anything - I'm choosing for my year to be a good one. Of course that requires a lot of hard work but I'm used to that and if it gives me the life I want, I'm happy to do whatever it takes.


I would've loved to live on a small farm producing just enough for our own needs and those of our family. I've never had the opportunity to own a farm and I don't like yearning for what I can't have. I deal with what I've got - bloom where you are planted. I am happy here and I make the most of it. Maybe I can't have a farm but I can create the world I want here within the confines of these fences. We own our house and have no debt. It's very easy to write that but it took years of hard work to do it. Over those hard years we raised our sons, did our civic duty, helped build our communities and our nation, worked, voted and paid taxes. Now I'm happy to be at home, to work for what we need and to enjoy our days here. We know that both the house and the land will be here long after we're gone and we care-take so that whoever lives here after us can improve on what we've done and not start from scratch like we did.

When we came here there were no fences, no verandahs, no gardens, no water tanks, no solar panels, no shed, no chook house. It was a small slab house on a big block of land with a creek running behind it. We chose to live here because we could see the potential of this land. We chose to live in this area because we wanted to continue to grow food and keep chooks. This climate allows year-long gardening and apart from a few hot days in the middle of summer, the weather is good for chickens. The first things we installed here were a water tank and solar hot water system. The first things we worked on were the garden and the chook house. We must have know back then in 1997 what kind of life we wanted, even if it wasn't part of our conscious thoughts. When I left paid work behind and came to my senses, we changed a lot inside our home too. All our changes were made when we had the money to do them; it was slow and steady progress. We made our home the kind of place that welcomed family and friends, where we felt safe and relaxed and where we could live the unusual life we'd chosen.  Our home may not suit everyone's tastes and needs but it's ideal for us.


What we have here now is here because we chose to add it and were prepared to do the work to make the modifications we wanted. We thought about how we wanted to live and made a set of choices. You can do the same; you don't have to live like everyone else. You can step back from the excesses you see around you. You don't have to make the same choices we made but you can create the kind of world you want to live in inside your home and in your yard. Of course you'll be limited by the space, time and ability but if you identify your goals and work towards them using small steps, you' will create the life you want.


There will be many changes taking place here over the coming 12 months but most of them will be planned changes that we've had a conscious role in choosing. If you don't plan, you leave your life open to chance, and then you just take what you get.  I'd rather do some planning and move my life in the direction I want it to go. What about you? Do you choose what you'll live with in your home? Are you a planner or do you just accept what comes along?

The long summer school holiday in Australia ends next week and everything will be back to "normal" again. It's been a hot summer here, especially in the west and down south and I think most of us are looking forward to autumn. I hope all my friends in colder climates are staying warm and safe. Enjoy your weekend, and to all my Australian readers - Happy Australia Day for Sunday. We'll be having a BBQ at Jens and Cathy's with the family. They're cooking roast lamb on the barby. Good times!

My book is on sale at Bookworld with free delivery in Australia. Click here.

I'm late to my blog today, but I thought it was better late than not at all. I've been doing the final reading of my next book and ebook, making bread and cleaning. I hope you enjoy your day.

♥♥♥

I have been watching Kevin's Hand-made Home on TV and enjoying it a lot. It's like a bloke's over the top version of what we're doing here, and what a lot of you do. He is seeing what he can make himself, from the cabin that he lives in, to soap, flint razors, a BBQ made from a WW2 mine and many other "comforts of home" to see if he is made happy by doing it.  It's a happiness and contentment experiment. Good news, he is happier.

Just like the Amish, he asked many friends to help him erect his "barn" Using recycled and hand-made, rather than bought, he built a cabin, then moved it to the seaside and is now adding to it. His project is to explore happiness. And when he says "By doing, making, sharing and collaborating you can be made happier." he is talking about the value of work and the many rewards that come from it.

He makes a patchwork roof with copper tiles made from old copper cylinders that are cut to shape. It is the same process that many of us use in our quilts. Kevin stands back and admires his handicraft - just like we do with ours. What we all make and do creates beauty and it is worthwhile looking at it and thinking about it. "I think happiness is a lot of things. There is a great feeling of well-being here," he says.

The paraphernalia of life is important too so he tries to make toothpaste, soap and other small things. Many of us do this but in a more ordered way in our homes. I'm glad I'm not making my toothpaste with urine and ground cuttlefish bone, like he did. But it's the work and self-reliance - the making and doing that gives him, and us, that feeling of contentment. 

While he is making what seems to be a practical seaside cabin with accoutrement, he really is demonstrating an over the top version of a simple life. I think he's doing many outrageous things to make people stop, look and wonder. If it were an ordinary run of the mill program about recycling and reclaiming, and how that makes you feel, how many of us would watch? But we watch this because it's outrageous and so crazy. I guess that's what some people feel when they see how Hanno and I live. Anything outside the mainstream seems crazy to many people.

Right at the end, he talks about sharing, how doing and making is made better when you share the results of your labour. How many of us can relate to that when we knit a cardigan and give it to someone, when we gift some home made soap and knitted washcloths, when we sit down to a shared meal that we've work on during the day? It's all made better in the sharing because sharing brings the remarkable rewards of acceptance, joy, affection, generosity, kindness and the feeling of abundance. And all this is within the reach of all of us. Working for what you have, making what you need, doing what you must, that, my friends, will enrich your soul and make you happier in the process.

ABC's iView last night's episode 

I have been getting a few emails over the past couple of months asking about slowing down and taking time out in the day to relax. It seems to be a mystery to some people. I have written back saying to just do it - leave your work behind and put your feet up, knit, sew, walk, paint, garden - do what your life allows you to do. I'm aware many of you have young children and I'd never tell you to walk away from them, but you could take them outside and walk or garden. When we look after Jamie, who will be three years old at the end of March, he loves to be outside in the garden with us. He likes helping, so we create small tasks for him so he feels a part of us and our garden. We both feel relaxed in the garden and we show him how to work slowly, sit and talk and generally to be part of that natural setting without impacting on it too much with noise and busyness. If you're snow bound inside you could knit or sew while your child plays. If these measures won't work for you, ask your partner, best friend, mother or sister to look after your child for an hour and do what you want to do. And do it regularly, giving something back in return.

But if you can't get away outside or have someone help, make tea in a pot. Tea will slow you down. You can do this alone or with a child. When Jamie is here, he drinks "special tea" which is just our tea from the pot, with a lot of milk and a small amount of honey. He loves it.

Above and below are photos of my favourite tea pot of all time. I got it from my sponsor's shop Odgers and McClellend just before Christmas.  It's had a workout since then. :- ) It's got an excellent no-drip spout and it's just the right size for Hanno and me, plus Jamie when he's here. It's enamel so I'll have to make a tea cosy for it in winter, but I'm looking forward to doing that. I've got a few tea pots and it's possibly the cheapest of all of them, but it will be my daily pot for many a long year to come. I feel very comfortable with it on my tea tray.

The challenge here is to make a pot of tea. Don't use tea bags, or if you're making coffee, make a pot of coffee, not instant coffee. Anyone can make a cup of tea with a tea bag and even though I've had my fair share of them, it's not the same as drinking good loose leaf tea, made in a pot. I stopped using tea bags a few years ago and I've never regretted it. My tea is better now, I love the ritual of it, it slows me in a gentle and practical way, and then I get to sit and drink it. Fast and instant may be good in certain circumstances but if you want to relax, they won't come close to helping you do that.

When you make tea, you have to wait. Waiting is good for us. It means we're doing nothing and in that nothing time you can stand there thinking, or look out the window, or slowly set a tray with the pot, tea strainer, spoons, tea pot, cups and whatever else you're serving. You can breathe deeply.

So, you've waited for the kettle to boil. Pour a small amount of boiling water into the clean pot, swish it around to make the pot hot, then pour the water into the sink. Add your tea leaves - one for each person and if, like us, you like strong tea, one of the pot as well. Pour the boiling water over the tea leaves, give it a quick stir with tea spoon, and put the lid on the pot. And now? Now you have to wait for it to brew. While you're waiting, take the tray to where you'll sit. After a couple of minutes, pour the tea.

Now you can do whatever you want to do - just sit there with your cup in hand, talk, watch the birds coming and going, if you're alone and you're not used to that, listen to the radio (very quietly and not music), or you can knit, embroider, hand stitch, write or do nothing but relax. Think about what you're doing - you're consciously taking a break because you need it and deserve it. Breathe deeply and take it all in.

While you're there thinking, think about your own happiness or contentment. You are responsible for that - no one else will walk up to you at any point in your life and serve you happiness and contentment on a silver platter. You're in charge of it. I'm not saying you selfishly squander your days giving yourself rest breaks and gifts and think that everyone else should care for you. We're adults, we're self-reliant, we do as much for ourselves as we can, including cultivating happiness and contentment.

Tea making in a pot is a small and gentle way of giving yourself time to relax. It's the tea ceremony as much as the tea that does it. This ritual that will have you waiting when no one waits nowadays. It will help slow you - first when you wait for the water to boil, then when you wait for the tea to brew, and then in the drinking of it and the feelings of relaxation that come from that. When you finish, feel thankful that you had time to look after yourself and promise that you'll do it again tomorrow. Soon it will become a habit and who knows what could happen if you're relaxed and happy!

Ditch the tea bags and make a pot.
Tea bags aren't fully biodegradable.
Tea bags vs whole leaf tea

We take the time every year to review our accounts because sometimes there are savings to be made. January is a good time to do it because we all feel fired up at the beginning of the year and often we've got more time because of the holidays. We wanted to increase our internet download capacity from 50GB to 100GB. We've been on 50 for a few years now and while we don't go over, we sail pretty close to the wind most months. The problem is that while we wanted to get more for our money, we didn't want to increase the amount we were already paying.  I started doing some research to see what our supplier's competition was offering. One of them had a plan that gave us what we wanted and it was cheaper than what we've been playing.

When you do this sort of research, you have to make sure you're comparing apples with apples. We want to keep some of our products bundled but that ruled out Optusnet, they don't offer broadband in our area. We also want the best service, uninterrupted service delivery and good technical support. Our current supplier, Telstra, delivers that most of the time.

So armed with information about a couple of their competitors having the product we want at a cheaper rate, I phoned Telstra and told them what I wanted. And that was to double my internet download capacity and not pay anymore for it. Cheeky, yes. I told the operator that while I was happy with the service I was currently receiving, I had to stick to my budget and would change providers if I had to. 

Straight away she transferred me to the "loyalty department". :- )

I repeated my request to the new operator, and was asked a few questions about how we used our home phone. We don't use it at all very much now because we use the mobile phone instead. She came back and told me that if I signed a contract for 24 months, she would change our home phone to a more expensive rate but we would have 100GB at ten dollar less than we pay now. Of course I took up the offer.

I tell you this, not because I think I'm anything special for getting a better deal, but to encourage you to look at your accounts and see if you can do the same.  If I had not done this we would have paid ten dollars more every month for the next 24 months and maybe some months we would have gone over our limit. Taking that ten minutes to enquire gave me a better deal for less money; I saved $240 over those two years. It's not a lot, these types of savings never are, but it's worthwhile doing because when you add that $240 to other savings we make, it's quite something.

You can do this sort of thing for insurances as well as your phone and internet charges. Just do some research first so you can show the person you talk to that you know what the opposition is offering and that you are prepared to change service providers if you need to. Be polite. I told the woman I spoke to that I would change if I had to but didn't tell her that I didn't want to change providers, I would hate to have to change my email address, I would rather miss the rest of this year's cricket than inform everyone I would need to inform that our email was different. I kept that to myself and used it as a bargaining tactic instead. We have to use whatever we can when we bargain. Service providers hate to lose existing good customers. So if you've been a good customer, use that to your advantage, do you research and make the call. You might just be surprised.

Have you made a saving like this recently? What did you do? What tips about saving on utility, insurance and service account can you share?

If you have a little time up your sleeve I hope you'll have a look at my DIL's facebook page, Bluebell Alexander. When we visited them after Christmas, Sarndra was having a little break from sewing but I saw her work room all set up nicely, ready to spring back into action. That time has come. Sarndra works from home and also at the local fabric shop. She's got a good eye for design and is a very good seamstress. If you're looking for well made clothes for boys or girls, from baby size to older, Bluebell Alexander is for you. If you're not looking for clothes, I would love it if you would help me get her to 1000 likes on Facebook. She's at 611 now, will you help? I wonder if we can do it. :- ) 

Most of you know there was a time when I didn't like being at home. I went to work, out shopping, socialising with friends and if there was nothing else, I'd go home. Things changed for me when I gave up work in my early 50s and although I didn't know it at the time I would never go back. I was about to turn my life on its head and to make the discovery of a lifetime. I was about to find a new world, right behind my front gate.

When I was here in my home in those early days, my kids were out at uni or working and Hanno was having fun in the shop he bought after he retired. I waved them goodbye in the morning and wondered what I would do. Well, to make a very long story short, we all know I ended up reskilling myself here. Domestic work and gardening changed me. I remembered how my mother and grandmother kept house and I modelled myself and my work on what they did. I already knew how to cook, grow vegetables, stockpile, sew and make various things but I'd buried the knowledge of those essential skills under too many Saturday morning shopping sprees and the increasing unhappiness and dissatisfaction I was feeling. I thought there was no cure for how I felt. I thought that was how life was.

But when I put on my apron and started making bread, and cooking wholesome food for dinner every night, I realised the benefits of not only cooking your own food but producing it as well. We already had a vegetable garden and chickens but I wanted to make the garden bigger and get more chooks. Instead of just having these things because we could, I wanted to make our backyard productive and supply our own food.  I wanted to see what was possible here, if we could move away from supermarkets and manufactured food and produce real food with our own hands. Over the following months that happened. New garden beds were added, fruit trees and vines planted and more chickens introduced into our little coop, and much more.

After a few weeks, I went to bed each night exhausted from the work I'd done but impatient for the new morning to break so I could do it all again. I had control over what I was doing and my self confidence was increasing daily. I was also feeling happy and content. What was going on!  People were supposed to be excited about going out and spending money, being out in the wide world and part of the hustle and bustle, and here I was being made whole again by planting saved seeds, washing up by hand and sitting in the shade of an elder tree.

My home mended my broken spirit.

Within the boundaries of this land we live on, I felt more alive than I'd felt in years. I made up for my lost income by working smarter and towards different goals, redefining what I wanted from life and what I believed success to be. To add to the abundance of fresh fruit, vegetables, herbs and eggs coming from our backyard, I shopped for groceries in a different way, stockpiled and learning to not waste food - not just once, but always.

It didn't take any extra cash, in fact it took less. I worked more but the work didn't feel like work - it was what I needed to do to live a better life and I was happy to do it. The house and yard work that both of us do now is fulfilling and enriching and it gives a flexible structure to our days. While initially being reluctant to join me, when he saw the difference in my attitude and that we didn't need the large amounts of money we used to spend, Hanno joined me and over the years he's simplified what he does too. I know I'm making it sound easy and quick, and it wasn't, but it wasn't difficult either.

You can do what we did in your own way and in your own time. We can all define our borders and decide exactly what we'll have within them. We can create the world as we want it to be in our homes. We can walk around in 19th century dresses like Tasha Tudor if we wish to, or scarecrow clothes like I do; your version of simple living can look exactly how you want it to look. And we can provide ourselves with fresh organic vegetables from our own gardens or buy them from markets, we can keep bees for honey and hens for eggs, or barter for them; the choice is yours. We can bake, cook, sew, clean, read and work keeping our homes safe and comfortable. We can choose all that and mix it with as much of the outside world as we need to or want to. We can all do this, influenced only by the pattern of our own thoughts and values, oblivious to what goes on outside. And I have found that the more you make those decisions without that influence, the more self-reliant and independent you become. Think about that the next time you drive in your driveway or walk in your front door. It is your decision what happens in your home.

I don't think there are degrees of simple life - it's like being pregnant. You either are or you aren't.  It's the mindset of simplicity that makes the difference and when you have that, even in the very early stages, you're living simply. No one will ever be at the end point of it either. There is no glittering prize to collect when you have lived slow and simply for many years; there are always reassessments and adjustments to make and new ideas to explore. Your simple life is its own reward.

I have struggled with coming back to you this year. As you know I'm writing books again so the ease of just blogging about my days is not there for me now because I'm not working in my home as I usually do. I'm writing instead, while trying to carry on with as many of the simple things that I can manage. I'm also trying to put more time into the forum because that one-on-one contact, the daily posts and getting to know other women and (too infrequently) men really does inspire me to carry on and to write interesting and, I hope, inspiring books to help you along.

At one point I decided to have a break for a few months but I was uneasy with that. I really enjoy writing here and I'm not comfortable with cutting myself off. After thinking about it for a week or so, I decided to come back because I enjoy writing my blog and so many of you say you love reading it and that it's an important part of your day. It's an important part of my day too, so I'm here and will be here as much as I can be while I work on the books. Sometimes I'll blog frequently, at other times I'll miss days; just remember I'm still here and I'll be back as soon as I can be. I'm taking the email down too because I don't have time to reply and I feel guilty that so many unanswered emails are still sitting in my in-tray.

We enjoyed the holidays but all the anticipation of Christmas and the preparations that go along with it left both of us feeling tired and worn out. New Year's Eve came and went with me sound asleep, only just conscious enough when the neighbourhood fireworks started, to curse them and go straight back to sleep. All that energy that goes into the end of the year. Is it worth it? I believe that what really matters, then and now, is this minute, this hour and this day. And the worth of it? Well, it's worth it for me as I have many beautiful memories stored away that will make me smile and appreciate my family for many years to come.

Soon after Christmas we drove up to see Shane, Sarndra and Alex. We had the best time! They haven't furnished their guest room yet so we happily stayed in a hotel during our stay. We spent the days with them, had a morning when we met with some of the forum ladies (hi Vikki, Chris, Fiona, Rosie and Jenni) and the rest of the time, we slept. Both of us! We rarely do that. We slept in, we went to bed early, we slept in the afternoon. It was so relaxing. And it was so good to see Shane, Sarndra and Alex thriving in their new home. It did my heart good to be there, to talk face to face with Alex and it gave me more tender memories to dwell upon during the year.

I've spent a bit of time smartening up the blog and forum, thinking about new posts to come and making a Pinterest page. I have an idea that includes Pinterest soon so I hope you follow me by clicking the badge on the side bar. I'll be adding to Pinterest as often as I can. I haven't worked Pinterest out yet. Is it really just a collection of photos?  What do you think of it?

I would dearly like to buy another camera this year too. I use a Sony Cybershot now and when it dies, I'd like to improve the quality of my photos. I'm interested in knowing what camera you use if you think it's a good one, but remember, I'm living on a budget so no suggestions that are just out of my range please.  I'd consider a good second hand camera too.

Just to bring you up to date, Hanno has been busy building an extension to our chook house. I'll do a post about it when it's finished and explain then why we made these changes. We're also waiting on some new chickens, we'll pick them up when the renovations are complete so there'll be a lot of chicken news on the way. If you've been reading for a while, you'll know that we start our vegetable growing in March every year, so I'll take you along with us as we do that. We're both excited about getting it growing again. Even though we enjoy having the time off over summer, we do miss those fresh vegetables a lot.

I defrosted the crushed pineapple I froze a couple of months back for cold summer drinks and to make a few ice blocks for Jamie.

Along with the rest of you, Hanno and I are changing and that results in changes here in our home. I'll be writing about those changes during the year, how we're preparing for a time we have less energy but still want to live our simplified lives. I also want to revisit the central concepts, as I see them, of simple life so I'll be revisiting baking, soap-making, paying off debt, living on a budget and preserving. As we change, so too do those things we do to support our simple life. No life is always the same so I think it will be helpful to talk about how we change and how those changes effect what we do.

Okay, first post finished, it feels good being back with you, so let's get on with it. I hope it's a great year for all of us. ♥♥♥

I'm probably preaching to the converted here when it comes to homemaking and the importance it holds in our lives. There are so many homemakers here, from the traditional to the not-so traditional. Some of us are stay at home mums with children to raise, some work in corporate, retail, health or education sectors but still very much retain the homemaker's focus and find that the time spent at home well and truly prepares us for the work we do to earn a living. We have female and male, single and married homemakers, we have gay and lesbian homemakers, we have feminist and traditional homemakers, we have homemakers with many children and some with none. Some live alone, some are part of large families. Some homemakers combine volunteering with their home duties, some are forced to stay at home due to illness or disability but take pride in being a homemaker, doing as much as they can for themselves. Along with all the ways we differ, come all sorts of variations on how we work, income levels that effect what we do and how much we do for ourselves, and personal circumstances that dictate where we live and how we work.

We come in all shapes and sizes. There is no one-size-fits-all. There is no one right way to do this.

One of the things that unites us though is the common feeling that generally we're undervalued as homemakers. We know the work we do at home is vital for ourselves and our families but it's also part of what builds good citizens and strong countries. Usually, if someone doesn't understand or disapproves of what I do, I shrug my shoulders. I really don't care. Not everyone can like me or what I do, I'm realistic, I respect their right to have their own opinion. However, this is different, this is a commonly held view that is just wrong on so many levels. I love what freefalling said in her comment on the last homemaking post: "I kinda feel like I have a wonderful secret that only the enlightened are able to share." I think that is spot on. But then Cityhippyfarmgirl writes: "This is a subject that is close to my heart as I've been a stay at home mum since I had my eldest. I know our choices are right for us, I know I save us a bucket load of money for everything I make from scratch, and source from different places. I know my kids are getting the best start in life that I can give them, and yet still those occasional outdated comments that will come from someone completely irrelevant (bank teller, person on the street etc) cut to the bone."  When I read that, I feel it too.

I love it when I read of a homemaker who works in ways familiar to me. I like reading about people who have made a success out of working from home or working in a tough environment. But I also love to read that Richard has just bought the CWA cook book and he has cut back his outside working hours; that Liz wrote: "I was amused this week when my female housemate, my teenage daughter and me were out fencing the paddock for our new house cow, while my husband was inside cleaning and looking after the children."; and that Shannon and Mel are moving towards a formal commitment with their girlfriends. We are all different. Even those who appear to be very similar to us are different in many ways. Some of us work in our homes, some of us work outside them and some combine the two. And that is fine. How boring it would be if we were all dressed in grey, with blonde hair and freckles. It would be equally boring if we were all brown-eyed red heads, or all dark skinned, or all fair. Diversity is what makes the entire natural world so interesting and wonderful. I would love us to all be proud of whoever and whatever we are and to celebrate that diversity, not be threatened by it.

When I first started blogging about my version of a simple life most of the bloggers on this topic were writing about the politics of climate change, peak oil and group action. Very few wrote about home, family, house work or personal change; I think they were seen as mundane topics and too ordinary to be of any consequence. Well, I thrive on the mundane and ordinary, I dived in! I believed then and still do now, that any permanent change will only come when enough of us change ourselves first, then start working outwards. My change started when I returned to my home and started taking it seriously. When I realised that I could make myself happy by working at home, making this place as comfortable as possible for myself, my family and visitors, that was when I knew how profound and significant our homes could be. When I recognised that the work we do in our homes can enrich and empower, as well as being creative and satisfying, I knew that I had stumbled onto the mother lode. Our homes are our starting points - no matter what we do - whether we work at home or go out to work.  Home is where we start from and where we return to. Home is that important and it is the work done there that transforms the shell of four walls into a home that nurtures and protects. 

I would like us all to form a united approach on this. If people don't understand us, don't know what we're doing, or wondering if we're sitting around all day watching TV, let's tell them. When someone asks you what you do, tell them: "I'm a homemaker. I'm looking after my babies/elderly father/volunteering/working part-time" or "I'm a homemaker and a lawyer/nurse/miner/carpenter." or whatever it is you're doing, and "I'm learning to knit, cooking from scratch, growing organic food in the backyard, I'm working on cleaning the house without harsh chemicals. I make soap. I'm saving money at home so we can pay off our mortgage faster." or whatever your version of the way we live is. Tell them your "wonderful secret". If you just baked the best bread you've ever made, tell your friends and everyone else who will listen. If we have to listen to all the babble about "bling", smart phones, "I can't boil an egg", Jimmy Choo shoes and how they can't get by without their extra shot vanilla latte, then they can listen to us talk about how we finding meaning and satisfaction at home. Now that's fair trade! Let's tell everyone who will listen how we spend our time and do it with pride and a smile.

Written in January 2010

Yesterday I wrote about one parent staying at home with the children and how that can help save money. Today I want to write about what often come up when that topic is featured - the lack of support for both SAHMs and working mums, or dads.

When I and my children were much younger, I worked. I was very fortunate in that I could always work from home as a writer. Hanno built an office at home and I would work there as a journalist, and alongside another women who I paid, we produced the town's newspaper and did various other writing jobs. I would start work early, then stop to make Hanno's breakfast and wake the kids for school. I'd do my housework, then return to work when the kids went off to school. They walked there, it was in the next street. I stopped work when they came home for lunch and we'd have lunch together, then worked again. I know I was a very lucky woman to have that working situation and I know it's not like that for most working women.

All graphics by Carl Larsson

I am very rarely in groups of women where this subject is talked about but I've seen it featured on TV and it's usually portrayed in a very negative way. It's SAHMs versus working women, like it's a battle over who has the high ground. No one has the high ground, most of us are just doing what we have to do to get by. At that time, I had friends who worked and most of the time, they had to work. I also had friends who were SAHMs who wanted to work but couldn't find a job, as well as friends who were working who wanted to be at home.

You can never be sure of anyone else's circumstances. What looks black and white, often is not. None of us should stand in judgement and say what others are doing is wrong. What I would like to see is a return to the way women supported each other as I was growing up. In those days we all encouraged each other, we supported our friends and other women in their choices and if we could help them, we did. 

Raising children is not an isolated process, our children grow not only within their family but also within their neighbourhood. They will come across all manner of people, some will be like us, some won't be, but being tolerant of the beliefs of others, makes the neighbourhood stronger and more resilient. It shows young children that not everyone is the same, or like us, but they're still good people. That builds confidence and children feel they can rely on the people they are growing up alongside - it makes them feel secure.

Life is not about possessions - it's about living and finding pleasure and goodness in our days. All of us can do that without demeaning the choices others make. I hope the next time you have the opportunity to join in a conversation where you could criticise, you'll decide against it. I hope we all move closer to support and encouragement rather than closer to disapproval and judgment. I hope that all of us together show our friends that there is no one right way. We all have to choose what is right for our family situation. Life is tough enough without having people in our family or neighbourhood criticise our choices. Living a more simple life isn't just about the practicalities of life, it is also about raising a fine family and building a community you feel proud to be a part of. This is one small step towards that.