down to earth

An email came from a US reader, Abby, who asked about being a homemaker in later years. This is part of what she wrote:

"I am a stay-at-home mum to 4 children, ages 9-16. I do have a variety of "odd jobs" that I enjoy - I run a small "before-school" morning drop-off daycare from my home, I am a writing tutor, and I work a few hours a week at a local children's bookstore. But mostly, I cherish my blissful days at home - cooking, cleaning (with homemade cleaners), taking care of our children and chickens and goats, baking, meal-planning, etc. This "career" at home is not at all what I imagined during my ambitious years at university, but it is far more enriching. I notice, though, that my day is often planned around the needs of my family members. Of course, with 4 active kids and a husband, this is natural. I do the shopping, plan my meals, cook dinner - generally in anticipation of my family reconnecting in the evening.

I can't help but wonder, though, whether this feeling of purposefulness and satisfaction might ebb after the children leave the nest. When I don't have hungry teenagers bursting through the door in the afternoon, or when I don't have to feed 6 people on a modest grocery budget - will I still feel the same sense of gratification? My own mum is 67, and she continues to work 3 days a week as an educational consultant. ... My father is quite a bit older than she is, and he is starting to slow down a bit now ...

I sometimes put myself in her place, and wonder about what life will be like for me when I reach that stage of life. Will I regret not having built more of a world for myself outside of the home? Will it seem too solitary, once the hustle and bustle of child-rearing is over? Though it is not pleasant to think of, what would it be like to live this life as a widow? You are such an inspiration to me, because you have clearly made this transition and it has been a very satisfying one for you. I would be so curious to see this topic discussed further, though. What is the role of the homemaker in the later years?"

Dear Abby,

We would not be human if we didn't have those "what if ..." days. Doubts make us think, and that is a good thing. Those feelings of purposefulness and satisfaction aren't felt only because you're looking after your children and pouring your heart and soul into it, they're there because of the life you're living and knowing what you're doing is worthwhile. You and your husband have formed a team so that you can all live a life full of purpose. That doesn't stop because the children grow up and leave home.

Homemakers have more than one stage of life. You've already gone through the baby and toddler stage as well as the small child stage, now you're moving into the stage where they are more independent and start to make their own decisions. Life goes on after they leave home and the satisfaction then comes developing your own interests, in seeing your children succeed in their work and maybe going on to form meaningful relationships and having their own children. You will not lose your purpose when the children leave. Your role changes, you move into the next stage.

While I was sad to see my boys go, it also gave me an enormous sense of satisfaction to see them out there functioning well on their own. They remembered most of what we taught them, they transitioned from young men to adults and when they met their "girls", we were there to welcome them into our hearts and family. All the things you're teaching your children now is preparing them to leave you. And while that can be bitter-sweet it can also be liberating and enriching.

It will be at least ten years into the future when your last child might leave home. No one can tell what their life will be like next week, let alone in ten years. But I want you to know that your life isn't just about your children, your husband or your home. It also involves your community, your interests, your extended family and your friends. You are more than a parent, you're more than a wife, you're more than a daughter, you're more than all the single things you think you are. You're a complex mix of all of those parts and who knows what you're capable of. If someone had told me ten years ago that I'd be doing what I'm doing now, I would have thought them crazy. Life has a way of winding and twisting and no one can tell where it will go.

So what is the role of the homemaker in the later years? I think it is the time when you relax a bit. You sit back and see that what you've been doing in those first 20 or 25 years has been worthwhile and produced people who have moved into the wider community to be good citizens, to work hard and to play their part in the world, whatever that may be. You work on developing a new relationship with your husband that is more about the two of you. Maybe you travel a bit. Maybe you become a gardener or a mentor or a grandma. Who knows.

Just keep doing your best and enjoying what you do. Explore your interests, develop yourself, evolve, thrive, enjoy your friends and don't start dreading what might come later. I can only encourage you to become the best, most authentic you, you can be and hopefully, with that, you'll enjoy and appreciate whatever happens later in life.

The Down to Earth eBook is being released by Penguin today. Yipee! I had a few sample pages emailed to me last week and I'm really pleased to tell you that they've retained the beautiful look of the print book. That's quite a feat because formatting illustrated books with a lot of photos can be quite a difficult process. But they're done it and if you've been waiting for the eBook, you can buy it today. It will be sold for $19.95 (although Amazon has it listed for slightly over $20) and is available in Australia only, initially through Amazon, iTunes, Kobo, Google, Readcloud and Booki.sh.

If you have an ipad, tablet or a Kindle you know to just go to the appropriate retailer and download the book. However, even if you don't have one of those devices, you can also read it on your computer. I'm still not absolutely clear about the software to read eBooks so I asked my publisher for her advice and she sent this information from the eBook guru.

"[your eBook is] good for all devices – so it can be bought through Amazon (for Kindle), iTunes (for ipad, iphone etc), Kobo, Google, Readcloud and Booki.sh – or indeed from penguin.com.au.

And if you want to read on a desktop and you download from us then we recommend downloading Adobe Digital Editions – which is free – there’s instructions on our website.

Booki.sh and Google have a browser that opens when you download the ebook – so it depends where you buy it from is the real answer – I think all Rhonda needs to do is direct people to the retailers and the rest will take care of itself…"
I just checked iTunes and Penguin and it's not available yet but it's ready to go on Amazon.

There is some information here about downloading the software to read Kindle books on a PC or Mac. I downloaded the Kindle software yesterday and I was up and running with my own Kindle library within minutes. I also downloaded Adobe Digital Editions and it was simple and fast. I've not yet read the book here on my computer but I hope to download from the Penguin site soon and read it on Adobe Digital Editions.

I don't usually recommend you get things you don't need, and software is the same. However, there are quite a few free eBooks available to download and if you have Digital Editions or the Kindle software installed on your computer, you can download and read them.

Free eBooks: The Gutenberg Project - many of the classics
For pre-schoolers and younger children
More free eBooks for adults

And if you do buy my book, I hope you enjoy it and I thank you for your support. :- )

Not many women grow up knowing their career of choice will be that of a homemaker. Most Western education is steered towards the commercial world but it is not until we start that type of work that we realise that our time might be better spent doing for ourselves and our family at home, actively saving the money brought into the home by the breadwinner and having time to raise children. Of course, it's not a choice for all of us. Many women have to work to make ends meet and some women work because they want to build a career or like the stimulation of the business world. But it seems to me that whether you stay at home and work, or go out to work, there are unwanted opinions and judgements being made about your choice. There is guilt involved too. The homemakers sometimes feel guilty for not bringing in a wage and the wage earners sometimes feel guilty about putting their children in day care.

I am happy to be living in a democratic country where free choice, within the confines of the law, is taken for granted. The last time I looked, free choice was not immoral or even unfashionable. Why then do so many people feel they should make their opinion known even when it's not been asked for. If the person making the comment is not in your family, it is not their business what you do with your life. We have to stop this silly petty behaviour and support each other, even when the choice made by someone we know is not what we would do. Giving out support and encouragement is much better for the soul than constant criticism and disguised hatred - that will make you crack around the edges.

Homemakers come into their own at this time of year. Even advertising changes from featuring career women in spiky shoes and men in sharp suits to gingham enhanced homemakers decorating the Christmas tree with eager, perfect children. TV news reports the shopping crowds are swelling and how much of a work out the plastic is getting. But we homemakers are at home knitting, crocheting, sewing, polishing, creating, cooking, baking and wrapping a huge variety of beautiful and soon-to-be-appreciated gifts that have nothing to do with shopping malls or cheap 'stocking fillers'.

We've changed.

We know that the spirit of the season has nothing to do with how much we spend, how big the tree is or how many bottles of Christmas cheer we can afford to provide. It more about gathering the family around, spending time together and appreciating each other. That is what Christmas is about for me - it's looking back and looking forward and knowing that our family is safe, sound and supportive of each other.

So as we glide slowly towards Christmas day, I hope you're not falling for the hype or stressing yourself out. Remember, this is not a competition or a race. This is the time for showing the love as well as feeling it. Take things slow, remember your small steps and be kind to yourself.

Dear 2012

I'm writing to you on 12.12.12 because some people think there are magical qualities attached to the date, and although I'm very skeptical, there is no harm in playing it safe. I've been meaning to write for some time to tell you how wonderful you've been and that I've thoroughly enjoyed our time together these past twelve months. I knew I was in for the ride of my life with my book launch in February but when I saw my 11 page itinerary there was a deer-in-the-headlights mix of apprehension, excitement, anxiety and "who me!?!" I didn't know then that I'd enjoy every minute of it.

It gave us the opportunity to travel around Victoria and New South Wales, having a little holiday of sorts, while signing books and meeting many interesting people from the online world. I was amazed that so many turned up to meet us. It was a wonderful surprise and I will remember those two weeks with much fondness for many years. When the book was released I wondered how well it would sell, if at all, but even now, as you're drawing to a close, it's still doing well and the ebook version is about to be released. It's astonishing. You pulled the rug from under me when we came home again. I was expecting to rest and relax but there were so many requests for interviews that we kept on moving and remained busy for months. We still are and I appreciate you continuing to shower me with various opportunities.

I decided to stop public appearances in September and sure enough, The Real Food Festival was my last. That was good timing because you shook us up in late August when Hanno had a bad accident with a chain saw and nearly cut off his hand. That brought my time at the Maleny Neighbourhood Centre to an end because Hanno needed me at home. I said goodbye to my voluntary and committee work and retuned to my home once again.

I am currently testing cheese recipes in my kitchen. Who would have thought that I would be doing that at this age? I see it as part of the magic you've weaved into my life this year. I am doing things now I never dreamed about. I love waking up every morning knowing that here in my home my days are filled to the brim with work that keeps me interested in life. But I am getting older so I took a bit of time recently to think about the coming years. I have decided to keep writing for the next two years, to try to build up a little nest egg for Hanno and me, to get a few things fixed in our home - retiling the bathrooms and the front and back verandahs, and then I'll start taking it easy. Who knows we might even go on a driving holiday through southern Australia.

In the meantime, I'll write my blog and continue on with the forum. Penguin want me to write more for them, I'm releasing an eBook in America next year and while that will probably fill in the next two years, it will require a bit of juggling. I still love my blog, I can't give it up, but it might not be written as often as it is now. The local Council has asked me to do a series of talks in the libraries and my friend Ernie and I will be starting up our blogging workshops very soon. I wonder if we will fit it all in. I'm still a sucker for new ventures, I doubt that will ever change.

Thank you for giving me the time to grow closer to my family and grandsons. We've watched them grow from tiny babies to little boys running around and starting to talk. I love being a grandma and I thank Shane, Sarndra, Kerry and Sunny for giving us two of the most beautiful boys to love and care for. When they were born in 2011, I didn't think life could get much better, but you improved with every passing month. I know I live a charmed life. I look around and see others who don't have what we have, who have no home or family and no one to love and I wonder why I'm so blessed. I wish I knew because if I could give away some of what it is, I would do it in an instant and be grateful for the chance.

Thank you for being so good to me during our time together and for keeping my family safe. Oh, and if the world ends today even though I'd think you were a party-pooper, I think we made a great team.

Yours in appreciation,

Rhonda xx

PS: when are you thinking of ending? We're already four hours into the twelfth so will it be 12.12pm or is this another one of those things that magazines use to fill up space? I hope it is because I think many people in the world are working towards living more sustainably and I would like to know that Jamie and Alex and all the other boys and girls will have the chance to grow up and make a mark on the world. If you've decided to not throw in the towel, let your neighbours, 2013 and beyond, know that we'll be working with them, not against them this time.

Food is part of many of our family celebrations. When you think about Christmas lunches and dinners, Thanksgiving dinners, as well as birthday celebrations, Christenings, wakes and weddings breakfasts, food is eagerly brought into all those milestone events that bring extended families and friends together. But food is much more than part of a celebration, food is part of ordinary life and something that every one of us deals with every day of our lives.

Meal times are so entrenched in our daily lives, they're used to break up the day. We have breakfast soon after we wake up, lunch in the middle of the working day and dinner, tea or supper at the end of the day. As homemakers, our lives are partially driven by growing, shopping for and cooking food. If you go out to work, it's usually a quick breakfast, packed lunches and a planned meal when everyone returns home. Either way, food divides up the day and everyone deals with it.

It makes sense to me to use the day's main meal to come together as a family. Bringing everyone to the table to talk and listen, while enjoying a good meal, reminds us all that we're part of our family. Sitting down together teaches young children that it's important to stop everything, sit down and reconnect. Meal times can teach young children how to be part of their family. Young couples can talk about the day's activities over dinner and feel the absolute pleasure of being together again. Older couples feel that connection too. Here in our home, every day, the table is set with a tablecloth, cutlery, plates and glasses. Often fresh flowers and candles are set out beside the water jug or tea pot. Setting the table sets the stage for the meal; preparing for the meal makes it special.

Meal times are a significant part of family life, particularly the meal when everyone sits down together. It's important to keep the tradition of setting the table going. Setting the family table every day is a good job for young children and will bring them gently into doing their share of productive work for their own family. If you start young, and children grow up working alongside older members of the family, it gives them self confidence and a sense of pride, it makes them feel like an important part of the team. It gives you the chance to work closely with your children too. You can show them how it's done, explain the concepts of left and right and discuss the meal that will follow and why different meals need different knives, fork and spoons.

I have had the benefit of seeing many children grow from babies to adults and it is those who were expected to do age-appropriate work in their family homes when they were young, and grew up helping and being a part of their family and its work, who generally developed a good work ethic and became confident adults. Setting expectations for children to help when they're young makes it easier for them when they're older.

And it can all start by placing knives, forks and glasses on a clean tablecloth every day. If we remember that sitting down to eat together is important, and encourage the younger members of the family to be part of the preparation, it is a gentle introduction to work for them. Almost all of us will spend many of our life hours working, either for pay or for love. Starting that work with setting the table is ideal. It's slow and easy work. It contributes to running the family unit successfully and it gives a sense of being a real part of the family.

Small steps. Always.

This year's garden is almost gone.

It's been a very busy month for me because I'm trying to get some writing work finished before Christmas. Add to that some family happenings, a little repotting in the bush house and my home chores and you'll understand there has not been a lot of spare time. I'm sure you're in the same situation - December is a busy time for most of us. And that's okay because usually, we can balance that busyness with the relaxation and peacefulness of January. Here that means sitting with my feet up, watching the cricket or knitting and enjoying cold drinks with clinking ice cubes. Then, all the work done in December is forgotten, life springs back into perspective and I get my head ready for the new year.

Best friends, Fiona and Mary, sharing an apartment as they brood and yearn for chicks.

Penguin is releasing the Down to Earth ebook at the end of this week. It's for Australian release only and will be sold though Amazon, iTunes, Kobo, Google, Readcloud and Booki.sh. I believe the price will be $19.95. To co-incide with the release of the Penguin eBook, I've written another eBook called The Down to Earth Home Dairy which is written for home cooks with little experience with dairy other than drinking milk. It contains several recipes for making cheese - hard cheese, camembert, ricotta and a soft meltable cheese, similar to Kraft slices, but without the preservatives. It also contains what I know about making and storing yoghurt, how to make sour cream, buttermilk, pouring custard, baked custard, delicious milky puddings, butter, homemade condensed milk and vanilla ice-cream using the condensed milk. I have tried to present recipes that can often be made with what's already in the kitchen and although there are some special requirements, such as starters and rennet, I have included links to reliable places you can buy these from. You don't have to buy a cheese press. I have priced The Down to Earth Home Dairy eBook at four dollars. It is available for international release later this month and will be sold from my blog.

The lace cap hydrangeas flowered just in time for Christmas.

So, this is the third week of Christmas preparations to avoid a last minute scramble. I have to report that I didn't get around to wrapping gifts last week so that's on my list again this week. I'll also be:

working out which glasses we'll be using for our Christmas lunch, then washing them.
polishing the silver cutlery. I know this sounds posh and very unlike me but I have some very old cutlery that I like using and some of it needs polishing and washing to look its best.
I haven't made a Christmas cake this year but if you've made a fruit cake, don't forget to keep pouring brandy or sherry over it. There is a thread at the forum full of Christmas cake recipes and encouragement.
I know that I have enough homemade relish and pickles for our cold Christmas lunch buffet but I'll be making kimchee for a very special Korean lady. ;- ) If you want to add relish, chutney or pickles to your menu, you still have time to make them.
start ginger beer from scratch. If I start that this week it should be nicely fermented in time for Christmas.

What's on your list this week?

Don't forget to check the threads on the forum today. The mods are working with me on this and they have started many excellent threads over there full of Christmas prep ideas.

My post is late today because we've just returned from the Gold Coast. We had a call from Kerry late yesterday to tell us that Jamie was on his way to hospital after having a convulsion. He wanted us there with them. We were just about to eat dinner but jumped in the car and took off. Luckily, by the time we got there, everything had settled down and Jamie came out of hospital around 9pm. We stayed down there overnight because Kerry had to fly off to work today and we wanted to take Sunny and Jamie to his own doctor to make sure everything was okay. It is. After a delicious Sunny-cooked lunch of fish and salad, we drove back, pleased we made it through a family crisis with smiles.

Luckily, I'd already written my post and just had to add the photos.

♥♥♥

I wanted to share to beautiful gifts with you that I received recently. The first is a book given to me by one of our recent German visitors - Sasha. I had never met Sasha before but I met his mother Dagma when we lived in Hamburg in 1979 and 1980. The book is called Grandma's German Cookbook and it's filled with the most brilliant receipes for everyday German home cooking - all the things Hanno loves. Hanno's mother died shortly after we came home in the early 1980s but she did teach me how to cook kartoffel puffer, lentil soup and a few other family favourites. This book will help me add a lot more German cuisine to our winters.

It's full of good soup recipes, as well as main meals, cakes and desserts. Just the kind of cookbook I enjoy reading. If you're interested in good hearty food, this is the book for you. It's available from these retailers.

The eBook version of Down to Earth - a guide to simple living will be published by Penguin and will be available in Australia and New Zealand next week on the 15 December. I'll have more details for you soon.

The other gift I received was this beautiful embroidery of a Carl Larsson painting. It was sent by Gerri, a long-term reader in France. I love it so much! Gerri said it's been hanging in her kitchen for many years and she wanted it to go to someone who would appreciate it. And that would be me. :- ) The stitching is done on the softest linen and every time I see it I want to touch it.

Gerri stitched it herself and from the look of it, it must have taken a very long time. I'll be having it framed soon and will then hang it on our wall here, many miles away from where it originated. Thank you again Gerri!