down to earth

All this talk of being a grandma has brought in a couple of emails from ladies who want me to write about empty nests. I think this might be connected to being a grandma, so for what it's worth, this is it.

From day one I always believed my job as a mother was to raise my children to be decent people who would work hard and contribute to this great country we live in. Hanno and I worked on that together. I'm proud of our sons and the men they became. I was a very independent teenager and looked forward to the day when I could leave home and make my own way in the world and I had no doubt Shane and Kerry would do the same. So I made the most of the time we had together, I knew it would be relatively short and I wanted them to have happy memories to look back on, to know that they were loved unconditionally and encouraged to work to their abilities. As the teen years came and went, I knew our time was coming to a close. My boys, were no longer boys and as is the custom nowadays, they moved out when they had jobs, moved back in several times, moved out again and eventually found their true loves. I think it was easier for me because we never knew whether this would be their last time at home.

When we knew it was, the closed doors to their rooms were stark reminders they were no longer here, but I knew they were doing what they wanted to do and what they had to do, they both had good jobs and my job as caregiver, was over. The house started changing again. I didn't lay awake listening for them to come home, the kitchen stayed clean, I stopped listening to the Foo Fighters and Tom Waits through closed doors. The house that held four for over two decades became a place for two and eventually their doors opened to allow rooms to be used for emerging interests. The boys grew up and along with that, we, as parents, changed again.

We started doing things we enjoyed. We stopped planning around them. We welcomed them as treasured guests when they came home. Phone calls started, just because they wanted to talk, they asked advice, moved around, changed jobs, went overseas and returned. Each step of the way we were there, walking invisibly.

Then we met the girls. What a thrill that was! And then "we're getting married." and "we're having a baby." And now, here we are, waiting for two precious babies to be born. Soon, in addition to daughter, grand daughter, sister, cousin, aunty, wife, mother and friend, I'll add grandmother. None of those titles explains who I am, I am the total of all of them. No single stage of life defines you and after your active mothering is over, a wonderful new era opens up, even if you can't see it yet. So if you're sad about seeing your mothering role come to an end, let me tell you, it never ends. You'll stop being the caregiver, but you'll always be a mum. Those closed bedroom doors will stay closed, but before too long they'll open again and start to be used for the many things you'll become interested in. Nothing will ever replace you as caregiver and role model, but your children aren't children for long and as they grow, you have to as well. When they leave your next stage will start and that, my friends, is a time for self development, trail blazing and, maybe, if you're lucky, grandchildren.

My job as mother goes on forever, and now that grandchildren are on their way a new opportunity to love babies and help raise them in my new role as grandma is here. I am really looking forward to seeing my sons hold their own babies for the first time. That day will be the pay off in a way, and I will know we've come full circle.

The rain fell all day and the longer it poured and the louder the thunder sounded, the safer and cosier I felt. I was doing grandma things - I was sewing for the babies. A lot of people have emailed worried about Hanno and I. We are safe and sound, thank you. We aren't where the main floods are but we've had two days now of torrential rain, on top of the almost continuos rain since Christmas - the ground is sodden, and the rain continues. In December we had 700 mm|28 inches of rain, since new year another 200mm|8 inches and probably another few inches overnight. When I walked out to check the creek late yesterday afternoon, I was in ankle deep water in the back yard. The creek had reached our steps yesterday morning and it rose further during the day. We're pretty sure it won't flood, even though it's four times wider than it usually is and the water is rushing along it. We're currently in the middle of a super cell that started about 3pm yesterday, so the rain is heavier than normal, but still, we're okay.

Inside everything was dry and cosy and I started working on being a grandma. I got out the small amount of fabric I have for the babies and started looking for patterns. During the afternoon, I made a light receiving blanket, a fleece blanket, some wipe cloths, a pair of pyjamas pants - mainly to test out the pattern, and I finished a bamboo and cotton hat. It will be just the thing for Kerry and Sunny's baby boy, due late March, at the end of summer. I'm now knitting another bamboo hat that is about half way there.

It's a long time ago now but the photo below is of Kerry and Shane when they were about 4 and 5 years old, they're now 29 and 30 and getting ready to have their own babies. They were born in July, just one year apart, and now their own babies will be born close as well. It's heartwarming work to be making little bits and pieces for them and as I work away in my little room here, I'm thankful they have wonderful wives who will make the best mothers.

I haven't had any luck with my call to barter nappies|diapers for a year's free advertising on the blog so I'm going to concentrate on making prefolds with bamboo and cotton or hemp and cotton fabric. If you're a young mum and have already gone along this route, can you share your information with me. I'd like to build up a resource here for new babies so whatever you can give me, and whatever links you can share, will be appreciated. I'm interested in sewing and knitting tutorials as well as how to care for the nappies|diapers. I'm thinking that prefolds would be excellent for everyday wear with a few fitted nappies|diapers to have on hand when going out. Does that sound sensible? When my sons were babies, I used terry squares and plastic pants, so I'm familiar with the concept of cloth nappies but need to sharpen up my skills so I do it well.

This grandmothering business is a fine thing, even the anticipation of it is sublime. I think I'm going to like it a lot.

And finally, on the weekend there was an excellent post over at my other blog - the Simple Green Frugal Co-op. One hundred ways to save money in 2011 was written by Notes from the Frugal Trenches; it is the second part of a two part post. Anyone who is saving, or trying to save, should take the time to read both posts.

PS: I had a few requests for a Down to Earth button that some readers wanted for their own blogs. I've finally made one and it's one the left column. Please feel free to use it if you wish.

I read a very interesting article in the New York Times last week - Susan Jacoby's Real Life Among the Old Old. It confirmed a theory I have been developing lately - that no matter what I read about research into extending life, and 70 being the new 50, old age is what it is and I'd better get on with it. When I was only slightly younger I used to wish I'd live till 110. Most of my friends could tell you some story about me stating that, and being confident it would happen, through sheer will power alone. Now I hold a different, and dare I say it, a more well informed view.

Taken yesterday, this is how I look most days I'm at home. No makeup, hair pulled back because I need a haircut, and content with it all.

I have always wanted to live a long life, and never questioned that I would do it until recently. But now that I'm getting older - I am technically classified as "young old" - I feel I should play this era out as best I can, then bow out gracefully. Forget about the antioxidants, wrinkle creams and yearning for my recently gone strength and stamina. Take this on for what it is, be the best old Rhonda I can be, just like I tried for in my younger ages and accept that all of us only have a certain amount of time here.

Of course there are always the women's magazines that blather on about not looking your age, 50 is the new 30 and cougar women. Yuck! I am here to say what I've always thought - that women can be a wide range of things. They can be daring, bold, confident, timid, shy, over the top, boring, stimulating, interesting, dumb, intelligent, creative or any number of those mixed together, but if they are old, they cannot be young. Even when told they can be. We've had our turn, now it's time to move along. I know that people are living longer lives now, but at what cost? Like Susan Jacoby, I don't want to live into my 90s and be racked with pain, I don't want to have high blood pressure and be on the verge of a heart attack or stroke, I don't want to be demented when I'm 80 and locked up in an old people's home. When my quality of life goes, I want to go with it.

I wish we'd start developing ethical guidelines for euthanasia. I know that would never be an option for some folk, and I respect that decision, but there are many, like Hanno and I, who would like to choose a dignified death over pain and suffering. When my friend Bernadette was dying and in pain every day, she asked why she had to endure such suffering. I had no answer for her. We put down our pets but we don't offer the same kindness to our fellow human beings. I don't know why that is. Maybe one of the reasons is that we don't know what kind of old age we'll have until we experience it. I'm sure if we knew we'd be in pain or demented, we'd be lobbying our politicians for sensible, equitable and kind ways for doctors to end our suffering when we came to it.

Maybe that's all a bit premature for me. Right now I'm almost 63 and I'm fine and dandy. I don't take any medication and I'm healthy. I'm not as fit as I should be, but I'm working on that. I still go to bed every night looking forward to what the next day will bring, I still feel like I have something to offer, I still feel a great enthusiasm for life. But I am not going along with the crowd saying I want to be young again, I don't want to look young, I want to look like what I am and who I am. I like the way old people look - it comforts me. It's more important to me to be generous and kind rather than pretty and "lookin' good for my age". I want to inspire others to live an authentic life, to accept who they are and to live well and with grace. There are far more interesting things in the ordinary course of life than botox, hair dyes and stilettos. I want to refine my soul and develop my intelligence rather than worry about what I look like. How dare those magazines and other women say that is wrong - that I will be judged by looks and valued according to how young I look. And that brings up another significant point - women should support other women. I see so much criticism nowadays about what someone is wearing and who they're going out with. Seeking to criticise others for failing to meet your standards is dumb and mean. Make friends with other women, support them and their choices, and they'll (I hope) return that support.

I know I've ranted a bit in this post, but the topic is important and one we all face sooner or later. We seem to have lost respect for older people simply because they dared to get old. But that's the thing you see, we all age at the same rate and where I am now, you'll be one day. I'm going to live each day to its potential, be the age I am and proud that I've survived so long, even though I'm still only young old.

I'm always surprised by the number of animals and birds that wander into our backyard. Some of them are having a stickybeak, some are just passing through, some are seeking refuge; all of them are welcome here. We live in a semi-rural area, at the end of a one lane street with a creek as our back border, so we'd have to expect some visitors, but we get so many! I guess it's that we're organic here, no poisons around and while we do have Alice, she's well beyond chasing now, so whatever comes, feels safe.

The glorious goose above came visiting just before Christmas. I noticed her when I was washing up and quickly went out to look at her. She didn't like me much, she was protecting the chooks from me! So I left her in peace and she wandered around with the chooks most of the afternoon. Her gander was calling her from a few properties over and eventually she heard him and flew home.

This little bird is a Willy Wagtail. There are a lot of them here at the moment. They fly around like manic little things, fanning out their tails and making a lot of noise. One of the female Willies is building a nest somewhere out the front and every so often I see her taking pieces of my hanging baskets to build her nest.

I don't show you the front of our place much. Here it is. It feels very private here, there's not much noise and hardly any passing traffic and I guess there are a lot of hiding places for fragile and timid visitors.

These magpie ducks arrived when the creek flooded the first time. They happily sailed around the base of that old mango tree, quacking and flapping and then left again, never to return. Hanno walked down to the creek a couple of days ago and threw some sticks off the steps down to the creek. As one of the sticks landed further over near the creek, he said a huge reptile of some sort started running off away from him. He initially thought it was a six foot crocodile, but it was probably a very big goanna (lizard). It's not as crazy as it sounds, we do have a lot of very big lizards around and as for the croc? Well, we live very close to the Crocodile Hunter's Australian Zoo. Maybe something escaped and is living along the creek bed.

Here are some of our girls taking shelter under part of a passionfruit vine. The only thing that bothers them are the snakes and we haven't seen any so far this year.

This little fellow is a bearded dragon. These lizards live along the creek and come up out of the rainforest to sun themselves. This one is about 2 foot, from nose to tail.

Almost every day you can stand in the backyard, look skyward and see all sorts of birds such as black cockatoos, rosellas, king parrots, wild geese and ducks and lots of kookaburras, my favourites. We have a family of kookaburras living here and close by. I am amazed by the variety of birds, reptiles and animals we're surrounded by. I hope they always come here because when they do, I am reminded that we're all part of the diversity of this planet. There are some who would tell you that we're not, and those who choose to separate themselves from the natural world, but I find it reassuring that while species disappear from our world, here, there is still an abundance of life - both wild and tame. And while we live here, I hope that will remain unchanged.

ADDITION:
Trish just reminded me of this old Australian song that fits this post well:

HOME AMONG THE GUM TREES

I've been around the world
A couple of times or maybe more
I've seen the sights, I've had delights
On every foreign shore
But when my mates all ask me
The place that I adore
I tell them right away

Give me a home among the gumtrees
With lots of plum trees
A sheep or two, a k-kangaroo
A clothesline out the back
Verandah out the front
And an old rocking chair

You can see me in the kitchen
Cooking up a roast
Or Vegemite on toast
Just you and me, a cup of tea
And later on, we'll settle down
And go out on the porch
And watch the possums play

I harvested our small garlic crop in the middle of a torrential downpour last week. It had been raining for over a week and when I walked past the garden to let the chickens out, I realised just how much water was in the garden. I knew if I didn't take them out they would rot in the ground. When I walked back to the verandah, they were in my hand. They were planted from local garlic bought from Green Harvest back in July. It's not really the right climate for garlic here, but we still grow it knowing the bulbs will be small. The alternative is Chinese garlic and that's not an option for us. The result might be small but they're juicy and delicious.

Garlic is one of our important solo crops. If it grows well, it gives us enough garlic to see us through six months. What I call a solo crop is one that we grow once or twice a year and the harvest from those crops gives us enough of that vegetable for six months to a year. We also grow pumpkins and luffahs like that.

The trick to these types of crops is to know you can store them safely and that they'll last in good order for a long time. The luffahs are never a problem. They dry on the vine or shortly after harvesting, you peel off the crackly skin and you have loofahs to use all year. I soak our luffahs in a weak solution of bleach and water before drying them again and putting them in the cupboard with the towels. Whenever a new one is needed, they're waiting. Pumpkins must be harvested with a long piece of vine still attached to the top, then carefully taken to a drying area in the sun to dry out for a week or so. You have to watch out for rain and bring the pumpkins to shelter if it does rain. After they dry out, you can store them in a cool, dry, dark place that is rodent-free. Care needs to be taken as you move the pumpkins because you don't want to damage the skin. If you want the pumpkins to last six months, they must be unbruised and have the skin perfectly in tact.

The bulbs above will be broken apart and replanted.

The tied up garlic will be stored, those in the middle used right away and those on the right, replanted.

These are now hanging on the outside bedroom door. I doubt we'll have any vampires visiting us. ; - )

And the garlic? Well, they have to be washed to remove any dirt, and left to dry for a few days. Then I sort them into those suitable for drying and storing, those to be used straight away - these are the small bulbs or any that are damaged, and I have a group of bulbs for replanting. The garlic to be stored is tied in bunches with natural string/twine and hung them to dry out even more. Eventually they'll be brought in the house and stored in a cool dark cupboard.

So that's our garlic sorted for the next six months. Hanno will plant the new garlic in the next week or two and they'll be ready in winter.

Well, here it is, the first full non-holiday week of 2011 and I'm pleased to be back. ADDITION: I've just been told it's a public holiday today. I guess that is a true indication of how far we're removed from the commercial world. :- 0

I've had many emails asking about the floods. Hanno and I are fine. We live about one hour north of Brisbane in the huge state of Queensland. The floods are about another ten hour drive north of here. We have had a lot of rain, our creek is up and down like a yo-yo, but apart from cranky chooks and wet feet, all is fine here. Thank you all for your concern. Thank you also for all the good wishes you sent for Shane and Sarndra. They read my blog and it means a lot to them to know so many people want good things for them.

I am really pleased we've finally arrived in 2011. I'm looking forward to this year very much. There is so much that's new ahead. I can hardly wait to hold those two babies who will come into our lives this year. But aside from the big events, I'm thankful that Hanno and I still have the enthusiasm and desire to continue to live our quiet, slow and simple life. I look forward to many more ordinary days when it's just me in the kitchen, baking and cooking, just doing what enriches me. I'm hoping that this year will bring new opportunities, new things to learn about and more new friendships made along the way.

We didn't plant summer crops at the end of last year. The vegetable garden still produced lettuces, potatoes, corn and garlic but now with all the rain, the chick weed has grown everywhere, the usually ordered and green vegetable patches are empty or covered with weeds and under it all, the soil is resting for a couple of months. In a few weeks it will be time again to rip out those weeds and load up the garden beds with compost and manure and start planting for the year.

But now the first of the papayas are forming fruit, grapes and passionfruit are growing and I can walk outside any time and pick mint, thyme, sage and parsley. Just last night I quickly popped out to pick fresh mint for a homemade mint sauce for our roast leg of lamb. The rain has been really good for the oranges and it looks like we'll have plenty of them in winter this year. The same goes for the lemons - there is another good crop ripening now and if I juice those and freeze the juice, we'll have enough to keep us going till the next crop in June. I'm hoping the bananas come on soon. Fresh fruit and vegetable prices will be very expensive again this year due to the floods, so whatever we can produce here will stand us in good stead.

So what's ahead for us this year? Hanno will be working in the garden again soon and he continues to keep our home in good order with his maintenance program. He's currently working on the roof, but I'll have more about that another day. Like all of us, he's looking forward to the babies and being a grandpa for the first time. He'll probably travel down to visit my sister when she moves to her new home soon. No doubt she will have a couple of jobs she will need a hand with. And for me, it's more work on the book and more contact later in the year with the good people at Penguin, particularly my editor, Jo. I'll be sewing and knitting for tiny folk I'm yet to meet, I'll continue to find confirmation of my purpose in my home and I hope to continue learning all I can. 'Homemaker' is a term that encompasses so much and I know that if I step up and take control of the work needed here, and pepper that with what I want to do, it will continue to be a joy to wake up every day. So there are no new year's resolutions here, just the quiet hope that life continues to amaze and delight me. I hope it does the same for you. What are your plans for the year?

A feeling of renewal always comes calling at this time of year. The new year is looming, an old year almost gone and life is telling me to look around, take it all in, reassess, look toward the coming months and make sure that what we're doing will continue to make us happy and satisfied. I have been doing that reassessment over these past few days away from the blog. I've spent time with my family, talked on the phone with friends, thought about life during the small hours of the morning, and relaxed while looking out the window at the rain. It's been raining for a week, it's still falling now. I picked our garlic crop in the rain at 5.30 this morning. What a crazy and wonderful way to really experience this season and all its wild weather.

In a sense I'm living my dream life right now but if I were to believe many of those women's magazines, I should be yearning for my long gone youth, dying my hair, thinking about botox and clearing out last year's fashions to make way for newer versions. There is much more depth to my life. I am surrounded by a loving family, I have a major creative project to concentrate on, and the freedom to do whatever I feel like doing when each new day dawns. And even though I have that freedom, I choose to remain here, working in my home. From the outside it's just Hanno and Rhonda, two golden oldies, living a very ordinary life in semi-rural Australia; but our lives deceive, we live large. We have the freedom to choose how we spend our time - there is no boss expecting us to turn up for work, no watches telling us we have to be somewhere soon and no other controlling factors we need to be aware of. We have no debt and live frugally so we know that if we remain productive and live within our means, we'll continue along this path and feel the satisfaction and contentment it brings for a long time.

My main occupation at the moment, and for the coming months, is writing the book. After breakfast I come into this little room, close the door behind me, turn on the computer and start reading, editing and writing. Every so often, I check out the forum or emails, or I go out and wash up, make bread, prepare a meal, make the bed, knit or mend and those small actions, while giving me a break, make me feel I'm still contributing to my home. In reality though, Hanno is doing more that he used to and although he's not been gardening due to the season and the rain, he has been doing the washing and the floors, which frees me up to work on the book. Marriages that work well are fine things.

And what of happiness? Yes, it's here daily, bubbling away in the background, like a tea kettle on a wood stove, always ready and always enough to be shared. I don't know what it is I did to deserve this charmed life but I'm sure many of you feel the same way about your own lives. You are touchstones, in a sense, a way for me to know, really know, that even though we live outside the mainstream of our culture, there are others who walk along with us. And now as I look towards tomorrow and next year, I know that I will continue to work towards my goals with enthusiasm, optimism and gratitude and if I can take you all along with me for the ride, it will be even better. I'm looking forward to it.

I received an email during the week from a young woman in Tasmania. With her permission I'm replying to her here because I know more good advice will come via your comments. She wrote:

For the past few years I've been working part-time which has given me the time I needed to grow our vegies and herbs, make most of our gifts by hand, and learn to sew and be organised. However now we're in Tasmania where work is hard to get and I find myself in a job market where 5 days a week is the minimum requirement, sometimes 6 days a week. I've looked hard for part-time work but it's either not available, or pays so poorly I could never support my husband at uni and our new mortage.

Besides leaving me extremely stressed out and tired I'm now really struggling to find the time to do those things to help us be more self sustaining that I was able to do before. I was hoping you might be able to tell me how you have coped with those crazily busy periods of your life in the past? At the moment I'm trying just to focus on the fact that we are at least paying our home off but I've got to try and keep up that focus for the next four years until my husband finishes uni - help!

I think there are two parts to this discussion - one is that you'll be the one who puts food on the table and pays the mortgage for the next four years, and the pressures associated with that; the other is having the time and the will power to remain focused on sustainability.

So, you've moved to a new state, your husband is settled in university and you have a mortgage. He will be working towards gaining qualifications to improve your future lives together, while you work to support you both now and start paying off your mortgage - your future asset. You'll both have to work hard - he must pass all this subjects first time so he not paying more HECS fees than he should, you'll be working possibly six days a week. You're both living in your home, you'll have to divide the chore up to suit you both, although let me suggest that you make up a chore list that keeps everything clean and tidy and you both fed, while not going overboard on housework. Don't add more stress to your lives by trying to be perfect at home. Maybe he does the weekly shopping and the cooking and you make the bed, wash up and do the laundry. Take it in turns to clean the bathroom and vacuum. I'm sure you can work out something. Don't expect to enjoy every moment of it, it will be a hard slog, but working together for your common goals should get you through it. I worked while I did my degree and I know your job will be tougher than his, although there will be times when he'll have enormous pressure on him. There will have to be plenty of give and take and you'll both have to be flexible, generous and supportive of each other to get through.

There are plenty of things you can do to remain on your simple pathway. Don't buy expensive chemical cleaners - make up your own using vinegar, bicarb and soap. Don't buy disposables. Cut up some old towels for dishcloths, use cloth napkins, stop buying paper towels. Use cloth shopping bags and hang washing on the line instead of using a dryer. Shop at thrift shops. See if your husband can buy second hand text books or get them from the library. Use the university library to borrow novels to read instead of buying books. Use public transport. It is up to you both to save as much money as you can. Don't think it's okay to reward yourselves all the time because life is tough now. Keep your long term goals in mind and keep working towards them.

I know I've been tough but this will be a difficult few years for both of you. But if you work together as a team, focused on long term goals and not instant gratification, you'll come out the other end of this stronger as a married couple. When I look back on my marriage I can see that working together through the tough times kept us together and made us more committed to each other and to our marriage. When you see your partner working hard for your common goals, it makes you work hard too. Put in the hard yards now and you'll reap rich rewards.

Now that I can see a long life of over 60 years behind me, I know with certainty that life is not an easy walk in the park. It's a long series of highs and lows with many periods of smooth sailing in between. This is one of your first periods outside the smooth zone but what you do now will prepare you more than you know for what you'll do later. The better you cope with this, the more you'll set yourself up for success later. So knuckle down and work hard, take time out for yourself when you need it, give support when it's needed, be kind to each other and make the most of that one day a week you have off. Have breakfast in bed, take a walk and enjoy being together. The pressure is on but it can either be stress or a gift, depending on how you look at it. I know which one I'd choose. Good luck. I hope the year ahead is a good one for both of you.

The collective wisdom of the readers here never ceases to pleasantly amaze me. If you have any advice to add to help our friend, please do.

Cleaning mould from walls and fabrics

With all this rain around we've developed a mould problem in our home. Usually we have the front and back doors open and that good ventilation stops most moulds from establishing. However, with the house locked up for the past week, the high humidity and the rain, mould is now growing on the wooden walls near our front door and on the lower parts of cupboards in the kitchen. Most of us will find mould growing in our homes at some point. Either in the bathroom or, in humid climates, on the walls, like we have now. You'll need a safe and effective remedy at some point, so I hope one of these methods works well for you. Mould is not only ugly to look at, it can cause health problems so if you see mould growing, do something about it straight away. The longer you leave the problem, the harder it will be to get rid of it effectively. If you have asthma or any allergies, you should do this type of cleaning with a face mask on so you don't breathe in any spores. Many peopl...

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