Our rock and our cushion

There are certain things that make me think of my mother. I looked at a new blog on the weekend with fresh poppies in the banner and I shot back to being about eight years old watching my mother burn the bottom of poppy stems on the gas fire "because they'll last longer." She knew so much. She knew all those quirky things that other people's mothers didn't know. I didn't know it at the time, but I was storing all that information away to be brought out too many years later.

Jean St Claire McGrath  1919 - 1993

I think I am the person I am today because of my mother. We look alike and we share a similar personality. When I was younger, she always encouraged me to do my best and she praised both my sister and I whenever we did anything well. She taught us both the love of reading and books, of generosity, kindness and courage, and she taught us how to sew and knit; Tricia made use of those skills long before I ever did. I was a risk taker and tried as much as I could that was new to me, but those things my mother taught, well, I thought they were too soft for me. I had to grow up a lot before I knew their true value. And hers.

I wish I'd been a better daughter.

But I take strength in knowing that I clearly remember my mother and her daily life and I do many things she taught me and modelled for me her entire life. Now that I'm a mother and a grandmother, I am closer to the person I wish I'd been all those years ago. I am more like her. I guess there is no way of being other than what you are, all things come in their own time, and if she were to read this, I am sure she would be the first to remind me of that. I am fortunate to have had such a good role model.

Our families make us in more than one way. We are born from them but they're also our way of seeing the world and others during all those formative years. We do that for our own children too and I think that being a mindful and attentive role model is one of the most important parts of parenting, and grand parenting. We have to not only take the time to be a part of our extended family, we have to show our children how they fit into their family. That will be one of the great gifts you give them, because family has the capacity to be a safe harbour and to guide and protect. And learning how we fit in there, along with the brothers, sisters, cousins, grandmas, grandpappies, mums and dads, shows us what family really is - that it is our rock and our cushion.