While I slept, the counter ticked over past 2 million visitors.  What a milestone!  Thank you for your visits.  It's always a delight for me to get to know you through your comments.  I do not have the time to reply to the comments very much but I read and appreciate every one of them  They show me in a very clear way that Hanno and I are not alone and that many other people strive to live a simple and gentle life.  BTW, together, you've read 3.5 million pages here.

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Yesterday I wrote about one parent staying at home with the children and how that can help save money.  Today I want to write about what often come up when that topic is featured - the lack of support for both SAHMs and working mums, or dads.

When I and my children were much younger, I worked.  I was very fortunate in that I could always work from home as a writer.  Hanno built an office at home and I would work there as a journalist, and alongside another women who I paid, we produced the town's newspaper and did various other writing jobs.  I would start work early, then stop to make Hanno's breakfast and wake the kids for school.  I'd do my housework, then return to work when the kids went off to school.  They walked there, it was in the next street.  I stopped work when they came home for lunch and we'd have lunch together, then worked again.  I know I was a very lucky woman to have that working situation and I know it's not like that for most working women.

All graphics by Carl Larsson

I am very rarely in groups of women where this subject is talked about but I've seen it featured on TV and it's usually portrayed in a very negative way.  It's SAHMs versus working women, like it's a battle over who has the high ground.  No one has the high ground, most of us are just doing what we have to do to get by.  When I was working from home when I was younger, I had friends who worked and most of the time, they had to work.  I also had friends who were SAHMs who wanted to work but couldn't find a job and friends who were working who wanted to be at home.

You can never be sure of anyone else's circumstances.  What looks black and white, often is not.  None of us should stand in judgement and say what others are doing is wrong.  What I would like to see is a return to the way women supported each other as I was growing up.  In those days we all encouraged each other, we supported our friends and other women in their choices and if we could help them, we did. 

Raising children is not an isolated process, our children grow not only within their family but also within their neighbourhood.   They will come across all manner of people, some will be like us, some won't be, but being tolerant of the beliefs of others, makes the neighbourhood stronger and more resilient. It shows young children that not everyone is the same, or like us, but they're still good people.  That builds confidence and children feel they can rely on the people they are growing up alongside - it makes them feel secure.

Life is not about possessions - it's about living and finding pleasure and goodness in our days.  All of us can do that without demeaning the choices others make.  I hope the next time you have the opportunity to join in a conversation where you could criticise, you'll decide against it.  I hope we all move closer to support and encouragement rather than closer to disapproval and judgment.  I hope that all of us together show our friends that there is no one right way.  We all have to choose what is right for our family situation. Life is tough enough without having people in our family or neighbourhood criticise our choices.  Living a more simple life isn't just about the practicalities of life, it is also about raising a fine family and building a community you feel proud to be a part of.  This is one small step towards that.

Tomorrow we will move on to the practicalities of home.

Getting finances organised and controlled is one of the early actions of most simple lives, even for those who have no need to budget their money. There are many people who strive to live more simply while earning a good living.  They need to practise moderation and reduce the stuff they're surrounded by.  The challenge for these people is to live to their values and, like those of us who do budget, get the money organised so we can concentrate on the important task of living.

While not everyone gets married or lives with a chosen partner, most of us do and that can be an important part of a strategy that supports and assists living on a budget.  It is a common assumption nowadays that it takes two wages to raise a family.  But for many families, where it has been decided that one parent should be at home with the children, they have made it work on one income, even with a number of mouths to feed.  If you are undecided about whether this would work for you, sit for a moment and work it out.

If you have to pay for child care, transport, work clothes, hair cuts, makeup etc, and your job pays a minimal amount, it will probably save you money not to work.  Always do the sums.  Don't just assume that any job will be good for your family.  Make sure it will actually be worthwhile.  If your work related expenses add up to $300 a week and you're making $350 or $400, ask yourself if that is a valuable use of your time and efforts, because there is another way.

If the parent earning the smallest wage stays home, it is then their job to run the home like a small business.  It is their job to make a budget and stick to it, scan the flyers for grocery bargains, stockpile, learn the skills necessary to make healthy bread and nutritious meals from scratch.  On these things alone, the home will function on less money.  If you were going to earn fifty or a hundred dollars from that job you were offered, you should be able to save that amount with prudent shopping and cutting back.

Unless you are super organised, your grocery bill will increase when you work.  You'll buy different foods because you need the convenience of them.  You'll need to streamline your household activities because you won't have as much time to spend on chores and the children. Convenience foods usually make an entrance in those circumstances.

If you're in the position now of trying to decide whether to work, give this a try before you make the decision.  Of course, there will be those who tell you that you should work, but you don't have to listen to them.  If you're young and have always thought of yourself as a worker then being at home with your children will be just the challenge for you. You will be taking control of your family money and it will be your job to buy everything you need to stay happy and healthy on budget, you will pay the bills, on time, now and every month, you will make important choices every day about what your family consumes and it will be your job to stretch every penny until it hurts.

This is an interesting and significant job.  You'll re-skill yourself in the kitchen, you'll learn to sew, mend and knit.  Instead of buying new curtains or dishcloths, you'll make them.  Gone are the days when you'd clean with spray and wipe chemicals, in your home that cleaning is done in a gentler way.  You'll be cutting up old sheets for cleaning rags, sewing on buttons, repairing rips and generally making everything last longer.  If you've never taken control of your home before it will be very liberating and exciting.  Despite what your friends say, you won't be bored because your days will be filled with a purpose - to make you home comfortable and warm, to teach yourself life skills and to show your children, by example, how real life is.

If you're trying to decide on whether to go back to work, or if you're already working at home but have stalled a bit because you have no role models and are unsure of your first or next step, I'm here to say that being a homemaker is enriching and life enhancing.  It can help make your family a strong and tight unit,  it can help provide the warmth and security necessary for a growing family and it might be the making of you.  It was for me.

This way of life is not just for those who choose to stay at home.  If you're newly married or in a relationship with no children and you're both working, try living off one wage and using the other to pay off debt. I know Little Jenny Wren and her family have always lived this way, even when she was working outside the home.  I think those of you who read her blog would agree, she has built a beautiful and joy-filled life.   This is not just a great budgeting strategy, it is a good way of moving towards the life you want to live.

So if you're at this point of your life, dive in.  It will not be easy - you'll work more - but it will be satisfying, enriching and life enhancing work.  You'll be stepping away from what is expected of you, but that will give you the unique opportunity to build the life you want, instead of trying to fit into the one size fits all life that is on offer in every shop, on every main street, in every Western country.  Don't listen to the naysayers - building a life at home is an active and positive step towards a way of life that gives more than it takes.  Dive in.

Today's kitchen is in southwestern Oklahoma in the United States and it is where Cat cooks for her family of six.

Cat writes:

"I hesitated to send mine as it's not the cute "homey" style of the others.  But then thought, "why not", as many different types of people can have the goal of a simpler life.  We had a water leak within a few months of purchasing this home (built in the 1960's) in 2007, necessitating a complete overhaul.  It's not complete yet as in the past two years since beginning, we've had a new baby and my husband had a 15-month overseas military deployment.  And now have another baby due in March.  But it's very functional for the large amount of cooking I do for our family of six, soon to be seven."

Please don't send anymore photos until I call for them.  I still have a number to go in this batch.  I'll let you know when you can send them again.  Thank you.

Please don't forget to comment.  A comment is like payment for the time taken to post, and in this case in sending in the photos.  Many of us were enthusiastic about this series, so make sure all the photos get a good number of comments.  I don't want any of the ladies sending in photos to regret joining in.  Thank you friends. 

Today's beautiful kitchen comes from New South Wales, which is the state I was born in.  Thanks for sharing your kitchen Melissa.

Melissa writes:

"The photo of my kitchen sink has a vintage dish draining rack that my mother gave me plus 2 wooden scrubbing brushes that I love to use. In the other 2 photo's I love to collect vintage china. I have also inherited quite a few pieces from my grandparents & my husbands grandparents. The christmas stockings that are hanging on the dresser I made a few years back. It's funny you mentioned about kitchens as I recently wrote a post on my blog about my kitchen which has more photo's.  Thanks for allowing me to show you my kitchen."

My blog is

http://vintagerose-at-plumthorpe.blogspot.com

 Check out Melissa's blog.  The photos of her daughter are very charming.

Please don't forget to comment.  A comment is like payment for the time taken to post, and in this case in sending in the photos.  Many of us were enthusiastic about this series, so make sure all the photos get a good number of comments.  I don't want any of the ladies sending in photos to regret joining in.  Thank you friends. 

It wasn't until late yesterday afternoon that I realised it was actually Thursday.  Thursday is our kitchen sink day, so although it's one day late, here is Serena's kitchen sink.  Serena blogs at serenassecretgardens.  Thanks for sending your photos, Serena.

It might sound strange but it's a good idea to start off your debt reduction program by saving for an emergency fund, before you pay off your debt.  Even if you can put aside $500, do it, put it in a separate account where you won't be tempted by it and leave it for unexpected emergencies.  If you can get your fund to $1000 fast, do it, but have at least a $500 cushion before you start reducing your debt.  You emergency fund will be a god-send if your car breaks down, you need new tyres, the dog gets sick or the children need something important that you didn't budget for.  Having that emergency fund will stop you putting those unexpected expenses on your credit card.  This is a way of preparing to reduce your debt.  You will give yourself the best chance of success if you have that cash tucked away somewhere.

If you have only one credit card, find out what the minimum payment is every month and pay that, plus every extra dollar you have spare. It will be difficult at first but as you see the amount reduce every month, it will give you even more incentive to keep paying it off.  You will see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Don't be tempted to go back to spending when you reduce your debt.  Keep going until you've got that final payment, then celebrate your success with the knowledge that you were strong enough to stand up to the banks, the department stores and your old ways, and you won!

If you have more than one credit card you can snowball your payments.  This means you make a list of all your cards with the smallest amount at the top and the highest at the bottom.  Make a list of all the minimum amounts and pay those minimum amounts on all the cards except the one at the top.  On that one you pay at least the minimum, plus as much money as you can spare that month.  Search high and low for a spare five dollars, search pockets and purses, just make sure you pay as much as you possibly can.  When you finish paying off that first credit card, you concentrate of the second one on the list.  On this credit card you will pay the minimum payment, plus the minimum payment you were paying on the first card and anything extra you can manage that month.  This card will be paid off faster than the first card because you're using that extra payment from the first, now retired, card.  And you keep on doing that - paying the minimum on all cards , plus as much as possible on the top card, until they're all paid off.

It sounds simple writing it down like that and I know it's not simple, or easy.  But if you can do this, if you can dig yourself out from this debt, you'll put yourself in a much better position to live the life you want.  Debt strangles you.

I have no doubt that while you're paying off your debt you will get a letter from the bank telling you that as you're such a good customer, they're raising your credit limit and please feel free to use the extra credit facilities they so kindly offer you.  (gag)  Always remember this: it is not in the bank's interest for you to pay off your debt quickly or completely.  When you do that, they stop getting your money.  They will tempt you, YOU will tempt you, you say you've been so good you deserve a reward.  And yes, you do deserve a reward.  But the reward you really deserve is to be debt-free.  Never stray from that thought.  Having no debt will set you free.  I'm not saying you'll never spend money on what you fancy again. But when you get rid of your debt burden you will look at spending in a different light.  You will know how difficult it is to pay back and you won't want to go back there again.  So, when you get that letter from the bank extending your credit, write back and tell them to decrease your limit.  If you used to have $5000, reduce it to $3000, when you pay off more, reduce it again.  It will reduce your temptation in this period of debt reduction and as you're such a good customer you'll be given the credit you desire when you finish paying everything off, if you do decide to keep just one credit card.

Another way to save for debt reduction is to have a change jar.  It can be anything like a jar or tin or old vase.  Leave it in your bedroom and every time you come home, put your loose change into the jar.  If you have any spare small notes, put them in too.  It will quickly build up if you do it every time you come home.  Don't raid the jar!  It's not for spending, it's your savings and part of this debt reduction program.  Every so often, or when you have to make a credit card payment - or a mortgage payment, take the jar with you to be counted and added to your payments.

If you have a lot of debt it will take a lot of will power to get yourself out of that hole. But it's not impossible.  Starting is difficult - making those decisions to change always are, staying on target is difficult too but if you're reading this you're probably at the stage when you're ready to do it.  Remember what I wrote about sacrifices yesterday.  We all have to make them at some point.  So if you're at the beginning of your debt reduction, or half way through it, I wish you the very best and hope you achieve what you set out to do.

Most people hate budgeting.  I did too.  I used to think that making up a budget would put restrictions on me and I didn't like the sound of that.  But when we did up our first budget, I was surprised that instead of feeling restricted, I felt liberated.  I knew we had money put aside for our bills and what I had in my purse and in the bank was available for spending.  Soon after we started working to our budget, I stopped thinking about having money to spend, I was more concerned with not spending.  I wanted to get off the consumers' bus and make my own way.  I saw more value then in buying needs instead of wants and I still feel that way.

Before I write about how Hanno and I budget, I'd like to first write about money in general.  Please remember that living simply is not about being miserable.  It's the opposite of that.  It is giving yourself the time and the opportunity to find happiness and to build it deep within your life.  I like the idea of sacrifice, I liked the idea of having to give up things to help me get started.  Giving up the things I'd always had was like a line in the sand for me; a definite point when I could say: THIS is me now, I am not a mindless shopper, now I buy things for a purpose.  Those who have been reading here for a while will know I'm talking about giving up British Country Living.  LOL!  It's such a little thing but I loved that magazine, still do!  I no longer buy it because that was my line in the sand - that was the point when my new life began. If I bought it again it would be a step backwards for me, a betrayal of my beliefs.  In many ways it's my guage of authenticity.  But that is me and you are a different kettle of fish. If you are struggling with your money, if you're in debt or saving for a deposit for a home, I have no doubt you too will have to give up things you love to reach your goals.  However, if you are debt free and have more than enough money to live on your sacrifices will be more symbolic than practical, but significant and important just the same.

Most people know what they earn but very few can tell you, with accuracy, how much they spend each week.  To work that out for yourself, you need to track your money.  This is a real eye-opener.  Get yourself a little notebook and pencil and take it with you every time you go out.  EVERY TIME  you spend something, write it and the price down in your notebook.  If you buy an apple, groceries, a cup of coffee, a magazine - whatever, write it down.  If you cheat on this, you're cheating yourself so please be accurate so you gain a genuine understanding of where your money is going.  You'll have a bit of an idea after a week, after a month your spending patterns will start to emerge.  Who knew that having a cup of coffee five days a week would cost you about $750 a year.  That's an extra mortgage payment.  Tracking your money will clearly show you that all those tiny amounts add up to a lot of wasted chances to be debt-free.  I'm not saying that you give up all your pleasures, but there are sacrifices to be made, you decide what you will sacrifice.  And always keep in mind your long term goals - to be debt-free, to be able to work if and when you feel like it, to travel, to help your children, or whatever your goals are. 

When you sit down to do your budget, this money tracking notebook will be important.  If you can't stretch your budget to cover what you need it to, go to your notebook and see what you can give up to pay your bills.  Don't just look at the single price of anything, judge it instead by the price, multiplied by the number of times you will buy it in a month or a year.  Along with Country Living, we gave up a few other things and pay TV which was then costing us about $80 a month - $960 a year.  We've never missed it.

You all know I'm not a financial adviser, all I can tell you is how Hanno and I work out our budget and how me make it work for us.  There are many other ways of doing this, but this is all I have experience with.  When we first started, we got all our bills from the previous year so we had a good idea of what we spent on fixed bills like electricity, phone, internet, land rates, insurance etc.  Our budget is a monthly budget because we usually do our grocery shopping once a month.  So for our insurances - health, car, house etc, all of which are paid yearly, we divided each bill by 12 so we had a monthly amount.  We did that with all our fixed bills - the electricity bill was quarterly so we divided that by four to give us a monthly amount.  When we had worked out a monthly amount for every fixed bill we had to pay, we added all of them up to give us a monthly amount that we had to have in the bank to pay those fixed bills.  For us that was around $800.  Then we had to work out our cash spending for things like groceries, fuel, medical and medication costs and pocket money.  For us that was around $650.  So we knew we needed $1450 every month just to cover our every day costs ($363 a week).  If you want a weekly budget, divide your yearly amounts by 52, or 26 for fortnightly.

We have a bank account where we transfer $800 a month for our fixed bills and we withdraw $650 in cash.  That cash money is then divided up into ziplock bags labelled "groceries", "animal food", "garden and postage", "fuel", "medical", "bulk food" etc.  If you want to use this kind of system, which is very easy and efficient, label your bags for the things you spend your cash on.  So with  your cash bagged up and the fixed bill money sitting in the bank, when your bills come in, you know you have the money there to pay and it takes the worry out of wondering if you'll be able to pay the bills.

Hanno and I have $50 each a month for pocket money that we can use however we like.

When we go out to do the grocery shopping, we take the money from that bag, and from the gardening bag if we need gardening supplies, or the animal food bag if we buy their food, and when we return with our supplies and the receipts, we put back the change into the bags in case it's needed again during the month.  Don't leave it in your pocket or purse. We often have money left over in the bags at the end of the month, that money is put into our holiday fund or if we're not saving for anything, it just goes into the bank.  When we have a sum large enough, Hanno transfers it to our ING online account, which gives a higher interest than we would get at our local bank.

Even though I used to think budgeting was a real horror, I now see it as a necessity and a bit of a game.  You can do things like trying to reduce your grocery bill each month or decluttering your home and selling things on ebay or at a garage sale.  That money can be used to pay off debt or go into your general savings.  I guess my message here is don't let money control you. You take control and you will not regret it.  Stop thinking "poor me", be proactive and deal with what you have in the most effective way you can.  We all have to take responsibility for our own decisions, either now or down the track a bit.  If you've been spending like a drunken sailor, giving no thought to your long term future, now is the time to stop, think about the life you want  to live and start making the sacrifices that will make it happen.  I'm here to tell you it's not half as bad as you think it will be, and the rewards, oh my, the rewards of sacrifice and budgeting are wonderful.

Please feel free to add how you manage your money.  Sharing what you do may well be the one thing that helps someone else.

Tomorrow we'll talk about paying off credit cards, change jars, emergency funds and various ways to reduce your household costs.

When I first started living simply, I didn't know what I was doing.  I had no plan and no recipe for success but I knew what I didn't want so in the first few weeks I just did the opposite of what I usually did.  Eventually I found a few books that helped me.  I read The Simple Living Guide by Janet Luhrs, The Encyclopaedia of Country Living by Carla Emery, Your Money or your Life by Joe Dominquez and Vicki Robin, and I found an American forum that I eventually became an admin on and I helped start an Australian forum, all of them helped me start my brand new life.  I wish I could have found one book that contained everything I wanted to do, instead I stumbled along doing what I felt was right and developed an idea of what I thought a simple life could be.  Eventually I connected up all the dots and I'm now living that life.

In the early days most people writing about living simply were writing about the philosophical and financial aspects of living.  Most of them, except Carla Emery, left the practical bits out.  But to me, the ordinary day-to-day living parts were the real crux of it.  If I didn't simplify how I lived it wouldn't matter how much money I didn't spend or how I thought about my life. If I didn't simply my daily life and all the day -to-day things I constantly repeated, what was the point?

Another big turning point for me was when I found blogs.  Here was a wonderful unseen world where people wrote about things that interested me.  I could see into their lives, get to know their families, understand how they lived and be part of a big neighbourhood that supported each other.  When I found blogs, it didn't matter much that I didn't know anyone in my real life that was doing what I was doing, I felt comfortable here.  Still, I didn't find many people living my dream life.   I found blogs talking about global warming, lightening your footprint, going green and peak oil but none that wrote about how each one of us could do our own bit in our own homes doing ordinary things like changing how we shop, mending clothes and making do with what we have.  So I dived in and started writing about what I was doing.  I had already started writing a book and much of that then went into the blog.  Writing everyday made me accountable and gave me a clear record of what I was doing.  Slowly, my life took me by the hand and one by one I added things I wanted to learn.  I was on my way.  This felt right!

So what did I do?  Basically I stopped spending, made a budget and stuck to it, shopped in a different way, started stockpiling, cooked from scratch, decided that growing the majority of our food in the backyard was possible, started making bread everyday, looked for ways to clean without chemicals, started sewing, mending and knitting, made soap and laundry powder and a million other things that although they came slowly and had to be learnt or re-learnt, are now all a normal part of my life and what define my days.  I no longer struggled to earn a living to pay for food and clothes to be made for me, I stopped buying what was fashionable and went for the practical.  I was over looking like everyone else, I couldn't be bothered with who the latest celebrities were or who they were divorcing, I stopped focusing on myself and came home in the truest sense.  I started to fluff my nest and make my home warm, comfortable and inviting.  I changed my life on purpose and while I was doing that, reinvented myself as well.  Hanno was slower to realise this new direction was right for us, but when he did, he dived right in with few doubts.  Now we are happier than we've ever been - the way we live encourages and supports that.

But the path is different for all of us.  If you have a look at your mainstream friends, even though they're all living in the same way - with debt, convenience foods and keeping up with the Joneses, they all have their differences.  This way of living is the same.  My way of living won't suit all of you, you have to define for yourself what you want your life to be, then step by step move towards that life.  You will probably have to give up much of what supported you in the past but that is replaced by the security of knowing deep down that what you're doing is good for you and your family.

Don't be fooled into believing that a simple life - or whatever you call it, is easy. It usually involves doing more work because you give away convenience and you trade fast for slow.  And don't live your life according to mine, think about what you want and custom make the life you want.

No matter what the final version of your life is, it will probably involve some of these changes:

Tomorrow I'll write about the thing we all hate - budgeting.  Today, right now, I want you to think about your life and how you want to live.  Get yourself a notebook and write down all the ideas you come up with.  It doesn't matter if it doesn't make much sense, edit it later, just let the ideas flow.  From your list, come up with a paragraph that describes the life you want.  Then make some dot points of all those things you need to change to make that life a reality.  That will be your starting point - you've just written the beginnings of your simple life plan. It's going to be an incredible journey.