Working for a living and working for a life

I was both surprised and delighted when a young woman I met at one of the libraries started talking about not going back to work after her second child was born. I was surprised because she told me that until she read my thoughts about it she'd never hear of any parent staying at home to raise  children and to make the most of every frugal, domestic opportunity instead of returning to work. Her experience was that all couples work, before children and after children. She said all the couples she knows work, both her parents work and she thought that is just how it is meant to be.

I was delighted to tell her that although it is a road less travelled, having one parent in paid work and the other looking after the children and the home, can be the pathway to a rewarding and significant life change.

When I was a young girl, it was the norm in Australia, and many other Western countries, for the mother to leave paid work when her first baby was born. She stayed at home as a homemaker rather than return to paid work. That changed in the late 1960s and 1970s when credit cards were introduced and many families started buying goods on credit instead of saving for them first, then paying cash. This increased the standard of living and during the 70s we all bought colour TVs and flash cars and instead of waiting for our clothes and shoes to wear out, we bought new ones, just because we could. Often we used credit cards or hire purchase. Soon it wasn't a choice to go back to work, many families had both parents work because it was the only way they could pay for what they wanted to buy. Over the years house prices rose and soon working to pay for our purchases became a way of life. It was then normal for both partners to work.

Many see this as a gender issue, I don't. I think it's a financial one that stems from consumerism. It is so commonplace and accepted now that younger women and men think it's always been like this.

I understand that many people find validation working at their paid job. Many love the social aspect of work. But it does not suit everyone. So I want to say this very clearly - we all need to work to pay for our own place to live - either by buying a home or renting one; we all need to furnish our homes, buy clothes, pay for transport and education. I get that, I've done it. But once that start is made, there is a lot of value in a couple splitting the work they do with one remaining in the workforce and one working at home and raising children while creating sustainable, domestic work practises. I have done many things in my life. I've raised a family, I have a degree, I've run my own business, I do understand the financial framework we all live within. But I have to tell you that domestic work is meaningful and fulfilling and until I came home and worked here to keep my home running smoothly, I'd never been this happy. I wish I'd done it sooner.

I've lost count of the number of emails I've received from people over the years who have been encouraged to make this move towards the split work model - one in paid work and one in domestic work. I often get follow up emails with wonderful news about success, contentment and satisfaction - both for the paid worker and the domestic worker. Having someone at home seems to focus them on working as a team and their purpose is clear. They're not working because everyone does, they're working to build a life together. There is satisfaction and meaning for both of them because they're both playing an active role in family life and debt reduction.

As I said before, I don't think this is a gender issue, it's a lifestyle choice. Some families go for the less traditional woman doing the paid work and the man at home; it works both ways. Gay couples often make that decision based on who wants to go out to work. But no matter who it is doing the domestic work, that person usually has a period of skill building. It's like any new job - there are routines to build, time is spent organising the home and there is an emphasis on home production and what is seen by some as the redundant skills of the homemaker to create this new way of working. It's a new kind of team - a two person team, living old values in new ways. And yes, I agree it's not for everyone but for those who try it, the rewards are usually abundant and consistent. 

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